


The Son

by ana



Series: Vorpatrils & Vorkosigans - What Happened Next [2]
Category: Vorkosigan Saga - Lois McMaster Bujold
Genre: Barrayar, Cake, Career Change, Class Differences, Cultural Differences, Culture Shock, Earth, Family Bonding, Family Drama, Family Issues, Father-Daughter Relationship, Father-Son Relationship, Gossip, Heirs, Historical Figures, Illegitimacy, Interrogation, Love, Love Confessions, Mother-Son Relationship, Multi, Other, Scandal, Secret Children, Secrets, Sex, Spies & Secret Agents, Wine
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-11
Updated: 2020-06-20
Packaged: 2020-08-19 03:40:32
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 22
Words: 72,552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20203114
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ana/pseuds/ana
Summary: FIC HEALTH WARNING: You can think of this as an AU if this major character death revealed at the beginning would bother you but if you really do not like major canon characters being killed off I'd avoid reading this for your own sake.  I want fic readers to be happy. :DThis is set a few years  after part 1 and linked to the epilogue of part 1.  The epilogue mentions a man called Jamie, the son Ivan doesn't know about.





	1. Ivan's Youngest Son | Ivan's Oldest Son

**Author's Note:**

> For those who want more context and background, how Simon recruited Eve is here but it's not required reading! [Illyan's Daughters](https://archiveofourown.org/works/4240605/chapters/9594417)

The martial arts self-defence class had come to the end and Eve and her assistants made sure each child left with the person they were supposed to – usually a nanny or bodyguard or both. It was an interesting crop of kids this year but it usually was with the galactic school children. Just as Eve was setting up for the last class later that evening her world crashed to the ground – Ambassador Vorpatril had walked in with his youngest son. Eve kept herself steady trying to avoid eye contact as her assistant went to speak to the ambassador behind the transparent visitor screen; she returned to Eve’s side a short while later as Eve checked the equipment at the other end of the gym.

“Ah that’s the_ Barrayaran_ ambassador,” Sky whispered, in puzzlement. “He’s interested in enrolling his son.”

Eve understood Sky’s confusion – Barrayaran children had their own people when it came to self-defence and martial arts training. They had never had any Barrayarans interested in the academy. “Enrolment was two weeks ago,” Eve said trying to steady her thoughts.

“I told him that and he was very apologetic but said he’d like to speak to whoever is in charge as his son is keen to join now. I told him you’d speak to him. I’ll deal with the equipment. I really hope we can fit him in. He seems like a sweetie.” Eve wasn’t sure whether Sky was referring to the father or the son but since the father was old enough to be Sky’s grandfather she assumed it was the child.

Eve ran a shaky hand through her hair and inwardly laughed at herself. There was no way he would recognise her. There was no way. And at least Jamie wasn’t here. He was busy with his own class. Eve sanitised her hands and walked out in the corridor, noting the two men – secretary and security she guessed. Interesting that the ambassador had left them outside the visitor room. Neither of them looked happy about it.

Eve entered the room and spoke before the ambassador could. “Hello, my assistant says you’re interested in enrolling your son?” she asked, looking down at a boy who had a large mass of thick curls, quite mischievous smile and large dimples. 

The boy shot out a hand. “Hi. My name is Lord Shiv Anton Arqua Vorpatril but everyone calls me Anton. Your name is Eve. Tomas told me. Tomas is my best friend. I’m five and some bits. Can I join your class?” at a small cough from his father he gave her a beaming smile and added, “Please.”

Eve shook Anton’s hand and knelt down to meet him eye to eye. “You want to join because Tomas is in the class?” she asked softly.

He nodded his head vigorously, his curls temporarily flopping over his eyes until he brushed them back with his hand. “And because Tomas said it’s _superb_, he can do kicks and blocks now and said it’s not scary at all and Tomas is not a scaredy cat but he’s – umm...” He looked up at his father for help but Eve knew all about Tomas – the son of the Vervaini ambassador was a nervous child but his fears had been gradually allayed.

“Tomas is braver than he thinks,” Eve said and rose, finally looking directly at the ambassador; she was both annoyed and appreciative of his manipulative tactics of bringing his son along in person. “Ambassador Vorpatril,” he said with a bemused smile holding out his hand. “I figure that’s mouthful enough.”

His cologne, subtle as it was, brought back sharp memories she shoved aside. She shook his warm, firm hand briefly and didn’t give her name. _He doesn’t recognise me, of course he wouldn’t. _“He’s missed two weeks and he’ll have a lot to catch up on,” she said, she wondered that she could hear her voice over her hammering heart. _Breathe, Eve, breathe._

“I can do it,” Anton said.

It was impossible not to smile at his enthusiasm and concentrating on Anton helped damp down her memories. “And we will help you.” She had a short conversation with Anton to ascertain herself that he would be suitable for the class. Eve turned back to the ambassador. “Who do I send the forms to? They have to be returned before I can enrol your son. I’m very strict on that issue.” The ambassador took the details and Eve was congratulating herself on all things going well but as they left the visitor room Jamie approached down the corridor still in his martial arts tunic. 

Jamie kissed the top of Eve’s head. “New recruit?” he asked, giving a wide smile to everyone and Eve’s heart sank again. “Now who is this young man?” Jamie asked. “I don’t believe we’ve met. I’m Jamie, one of the instructors.”

“Do you train Tomas’s sister?” Anton asked shaking Jamie’s hand “She’s a brown belt. I’m going to be in Eve’s class when Dada has filled in the forms,” he said, looking at his father who nodded. The ambassador signalled his staff trying to get his attention and he stayed where he was.

“Well you’re in good hands,” Jamie said. “My Ma is an excellent teacher.” And he bent his head and this time kissed Eve’s cheek.

Anton’s mouth dropped open. “She’s _your Mama?_”

“Yes she is.” Jamie introduced himself more formally, hands were shook and Eve trying to think fast found herself paralysed.

“Do you want to see _my_ Mama?” Anton asked, without waiting for an answer he showed a small vid on his wristcom of a beautiful, statuesque dark-haired woman standing by a uterine replicator. “That’s me. My Mama’s talking to me. She was a dancer and lots of other things, wasn’t she, Dada?”

“Yes, indeed she was,” he said.

“I see where you got your lovely hair and smile from,” Eve said, not wanting to force the ambassador to explain what she already knew about his departed wife.

Anton beamed. “Pax says I look like her too. Pax is my brother. He’s a dancer.” He looked at Jamie and then at his father stood by side, making Eve’s heart thump so hard it hurt. She’d never really seen it until they were stood practically side by side and with Jamie’s hair going strangely darker the last couple of years it should have really been no surprise when Anton said,

“You look like my dada.”

It chilled her. The ambassador laughed and so did Jamie. Eve forced a smile, unable to respond, and she knew Jamie had caught it; could feel his wide green eyes on her. “I’m sorry, we have to set things up for our next classes,” Eve eventually said. “It was nice meeting you both. I’ll see you next week I hope, Anton.”

Anton assured her that his father would complete the forms on time and as they left Eve asked Jamie to drop by after work if he was free.

“I thought you were going out with Marie,” Jamie said.

“It’s cancelled.” Eve planned to cancel it as soon as she could, and Jamie for once didn’t push it. There was no point hiding that she had something on her mind. “I’ll be there.” She could see it in his eyes, the click, click, click – of everything falling into space. 27 years she’d had to prepare for this moment and why did it feel like she’d ran out of time?

**

Ivan watched Anton sleeping, brushing back his son’s curls which grew as soon as they were cut. Rohan walked in quietly and seated himself next to his father on the bed. Anton slept like a rock so there was no fear of their conversation waking him. Not that Rohan would be speaking.

“How was the play?” Ivan asked, signing his question with his hands as well not that he had to but it had been important to show he could and that he understood.

Rohan signed his answers as he always did. No one had heard Rohan’s voice since Tej had died. 

– Don’t recommend it. – Rohan made Ivan laugh with his description of the dire adaptation of _The Cherry Orchard_ and how it had given him an idea for a new story which was no surprise to Ivan. He asked Ivan about his day and Ivan was touched but not surprised that he remembered about his brother. - Did Anton, get in? -

“Yes, he charmed the owner,” Ivan said and remembered again the look on the woman’s face when Anton had said he thought he and the young man Jamie looked alike.

\- Something wrong? - Rohan asked. – Anton will be fine there. If they can handle Tomas they must know what they’re about –

“Yes, it’s nothing.”

Rohan smiled_. _– Don’t stay up too late investigating this nothing, Da. And don’t worry about Moira you know she’ll be home on time. I’ll be checking up on you later. –

He kissed his father’s cheek, and kissed Anton’s forehead before he left the room. 

There was something off about that woman at her academy. And if Ivan was going to place his son in her hands he wasn’t going to ignore anything. Since Moira wasn’t home yet and it was coming close to her curfew, he would be up anyway. He was staying up to work so he might as well do his own research. It would placate Moira somewhat if she saw him working; she was often angry if she saw him up, assuming it was because of her and then she’d argue that she didn’t need a curfew since she’d be at college soon and would be doing what she wanted.

He was proud of his kids of course but they were _so young._ Rohan wasn’t going to college but Moira had offers from all over the galaxy. Ivan wanted her to wait or to at least accept a college on the same planet but with Moira you could never tell. She’d been testing him a lot lately. She arrived a minute to her curfew, greeting her father with a kiss and a challenging look and Ivan didn’t bite. He asked how her evening went and Moira said, “Fine.” She rebuffed all conversation and went straight to her room. 

Ivan returned to his portable comcon in the kitchen and re-examined the details about the martial arts academy. It was named Jamie’s Academy but it was jointly owned by mother and son for the last three years. Built next to the LGS - London Galactic School - with a high reputation amongst the galactic students most of them children of diplomats. Ivan had been impressed by the security at the academy and that some people had joked about having to give their DNA and a pint of blood at the door. He’d watched the children leave the academy before he’d gone in and they all looked generally happy. It did look like it would suit Anton’s sunny, sociable disposition. His staff had checked out the academy and the staff and nothing had popped which was no surprise considering who the parents were of those kids so there was little point in running those checks again but the woman nagged at him. It wasn’t just her. It was Anton’s comment. It had ruffled her.

She had been undaunted by Ivan’s position or Anton’s eternal chatter but – _what am I thinking?_ The boy didn’t look that much like him and he had green eyes; his mother had hazel eyes – that flickered. Something tugged at him but it was like fitting a jigsaw piece in the wrong place. Ivan shook his head. It was all so absurd. He was overthinking at the worst time of night. Rohan entered the kitchen, stared at him, waggled his eyebrows and wagged his finger in a comical way. Ivan laughed. “I was just about to turn in.”

Rohan smiled. - Good. I can wait until that event happens. – And folded his arms.

Ivan closed the comcon and stood. “Even your mother never nagged me this much.”

– Yes she did –

_Yes she did._

**

Eve thought she’d been prepared to tell him the truth. She rehearsed it in the shower. Rehearsed it as she made Jamie’s favourite pasta dish and ditched it thinking she didn’t want him to associate this revelation with food and ordered pizza instead. She already had dessert. She wondered if she should contact Miles now but even with the comms lag she couldn’t do it. She had to tell Jamie first. She couldn’t recall the last time she felt this sick with nerves. A call from Marie made things worse when Marie, irate at being cancelled, let slip that the dinner was going to involve Marie trying to set Eve up with Marie’s brother in law. It was while she listened to Marie going on that Eve felt just how hard it was going to be telling her friends about Jamie’s father. Marie Vorlessi was well versed in Barrayaran society and gossip and a frequent attendee at the embassy. She knew exactly who Ambassador Vorpatril was and she wasn’t going to be happy when she found out the secret Eve had kept for so long. No one was going to be happy. But right now there was only one person whose happiness mattered to her.

Jamie entered her apartment with a preoccupied air, he shrugged off his jacket and as soon as the door closed asked quietly, “Is Ambassador Vorpatril related to my father?”

Oh. Hah. This wasn’t what she was expecting. Jamie never yelled or raised his voice when he was upset so unless you knew him it was never easy to tell but to Eve he may as well have been screaming at her. “Sit down, sweetheart. I ordered pizza.”

“Mother, just answer. I know there’s something. This is serious.”

Eve took a seat on the sofa and tried to appear as calm as possible to help soothe Jamie and herself. Since Jamie continued to stand Eve took a breath and folded her hands on her lap. “I don’t know how to tell you so I’ll just say it. Ambassador Vorpatril _is _your father.” There she’d said it. That wasn’t that bad. It was out in the open.

Jamie was incredulous, his large expressive green eyes shining. He seated himself down and stared down at his mother. “But – he’s an_ ambassador_. He’s not a criminal, is he?”

She searched his face. “No, Ambassador Vorpatril isn’t a criminal. Why would you think that?”

Jamie’s expression matched Eve’s surprise. The silence suspended them both before Jamie explained his reasoning. He was right that Eve had told him that his father was from a complex family with a far reaching influence and that she wanted Jamie to have his own life before his father knew about his existence. “But I never meant for it to sound like he was from a criminal family.”

“You kept saying you wanted to protect me,” he said slowly, “what else would I think?”

Eve tried to remember all that she said and realised Jamie unfortunately had a point. “Jamie, if I’d known you thought that I would have told you the truth.” The absurdity of it made her laugh suddenly. “I’m sorry. I know I shouldn’t laugh. It’s serious and – Good God, no. _Not_ a criminal although some people think High Vor –“

“High Vor,” he echoed. Jamie was aware of Barrayaran history mainly because of Eve’s research but it was a long time since Eve had discussed her work; Jamie’s lack of interest in Barrayaran history had been a relief but he always seemed to remember more than she expected. “Do I have a title?” he asked. Eve tried to think how to explain everything about his father’s quite empty title but that he was part of the imperial line of succession – far down it but it was a headache that would have to be addressed. Jamie’s voice dropped and he asked, “He’s really my father?”

“Yes,” she said firmly, “he really is your father.” Eve would leave the heir stuff for another time. She wasn’t sure what else to volunteer; she was floundering but it was best to get to the root of the matter, everything else would be revealed in good time. “Do you want to meet him?”

He nodded. “I do.” Oh. No doubts at all. “I know I’ve always said I’d let you know when I was ready to find out about him but the time never felt right for me but now I know yes, I have to meet him. But I’ve met him,” he amended and looked annoyed, “and – Ma, he never recognised you, did he?”

She shook her head. “That’s no surprise.” Her hand went to her hair which fell in layers to the nape of her neck – no longer falling past her hips. Her one almost beauty, she through dryly, burnt and cut doing her duty for ImpSec. “It was a very long time ago,” Eve said, “and I looked different then and as I told you before, our extremely brief time together could never be defined as a relationship. I never thought I’d see him again. Hey, look at me.” She cupped his face in her hands, a grown man but her always young son. “One step at a time. I’ll go speak to him first. I’ll tell him you want to meet but it’s likely to be delayed until he has proof that you’re his son. You have to be patient for a little longer.”

“I get that he needs proof but it’s easy to prove paternity.”

She sighed. “Yes, I know but because of who your father is he will likely send his…cousin to make sure the methods used won’t be questioned and that it’s all legitimate. He’ll be an important witness to that.”

“His cousin? Is he a lawyer?”

Eve cleared her throat. “He has a respected position but I want you to do me a big favour and I know it’s going to be hard.” 

He pulled back from her hands, eye’s narrowing. “What?”

“No research.”

“Mother-

“Listen to me. I can’t stop you from researching him and his family but all I ask is you do it after you’ve met. I think it’s important you two meet as people not without even more of the baggage I’ve given you.” Time enough for that soon. She decided to start now. “What did your instincts say when you met him. You have good instincts about people, Jamie.”

Jamie chewed his lower lip. “He cares a lot about his son - Anton.” He smiled. “He came in person and he didn’t use his position to get the place for him.”

Jamie admired him already. A sharp pain jolted her bones. _I’m not going to lose him to that family. He’s still my Jamie._ But he’s Lord Vorpatril’s son too. _I can share him. Not that I have a choice now._

“Anton’s mother – is she dead?” he asked, and Eve nodded and reluctantly elaborated.

“She died when Anton – he’s the youngest – was in a replicator.” She stopped there but Jamie wanted more so Eve continued, “She was on her home planet and there was freak aircar accident. The short version is that there were many investigations, from both sides of the family, but there was no proof that it was anything but accidental. Her security staff died with her,” Eve added. People always forgot them.

It had been a relief that Jamie hadn’t wanted to meet his father during those first years after Lady Vorpatril’s death. But then time was erratic in its healing when it came to grief. Would any time be a good time for them? But she couldn’t think of that now. Repercussions were inevitable. 

Jamie brooded for a few moments and asked softly, “Do you think he’ll want to meet me?”

She grabbed his hands and squeezed them. “He’s an idiot if he doesn’t.”

**

Ivan woke into semi-darkness surrounded by oranges and the scent of cinnamon, and Tej was seated at the edge of the bed. _“You’re letting yourself remember now.”_

Why am I thinking of cinnamon and oranges? “Where have you been?” he asked. “You’re late.”

_“No, you’re late, my love. Speak to Moira before she goes to school. You know she’s more receptive in the mornings. Time to wake up,” she said._

Ivan sat up bold upright in a dull light, stared at…nothing and his alarm went off.


	2. Jamie's Discoveries | Eve's Meeting

Ambassador Vorpatril’s secretary wasn’t budging. Eve took the appointment that was three weeks away only because she didn’t want to raise any more suspicions with his tight-arsed secretary who wanted to know where she’d received the ambassador’s personal contact information. Eve told him she couldn’t remember and ended the call. Using her ImpSec credentials to get that information wasn’t a risk but using it for this went against all her training. She could also make her way inside the ambassador’s office unhindered but that would open a different can of worms and she could feel Illyan shaking his head at her. _Yes, yes, I’m smarter than that._ A call from Jamie asking for an update spurred her to do what she said she would never do again but it was a more benign way of gaining access to the ambassador. 

“Of course you can come with me,” Marie said, thrilled, causing everyone to turn around. Not that Marie cared. After thirty years Eve had given up on trying to get Marie to keep her voice down; her staff and customers just looked at her with amusement. The small café Marie had fitted within _the Barrayar Tours and Cultural Centre_ was good for business, so Marie told her, but not very private. Marie had already embarrassed her by pointing out that the current exhibition on Women of Barrayar was Eve’s work; it wasn’t the work that embarrassed Eve it was still feeling too inexperienced to be called a historian.

“You’re still on the entertainment list, Eve,” Marie said, “I made sure of it,” It was actually ImpSec who made sure of it but Eve couldn’t tell Marie that. “And I knew you’d change your mind now you’ve scaled down your security work.” Which was kind of true. Eve ceasing her fieldwork had equated to less galactic clients to Eve’s friends and her son. Eve still did private security consultancy – it was a great cover – but she had less need to fly off-planet at a moment’s notice.

“I just want to get reacquainted with the social scene at the embassy. It’s been a while.” _Not long enough. _

Marie’s shrewd blue eyes narrowed. “Why_ did_ you change your mind? This is sudden isn’t it? You’ve been putting me off for years.” 

“There are a lot of good contacts there for my research. If you don’t want me to go –“

“No, no of course I do. And tonight is perfect as there’s a ball and they want as many expats as they can squeeze in. The villagers will all be their en masse.” ‘Villagers’ was Marie’s name for the gossipy virtual village the expats Barrayarans had created. “Jamie coming with you?”

“No, I’ll be tagging with you and Bash.”

Marie nodded, leaned back in her chair and watched her over the rim of her overly large mug. Eve waited for Marie to explain her smug look. “I hear that Ambassador Vorpatril visited the academy with his youngest. Is it true? That he’s looking to enrol him?”

Eve’s heart plunged but she said nothing and sipped her drink. It was_ normal_ gossip she reminded herself. It made sense that Marie would know; her work ensured she was tapped into the village.

“I know you don’t gossip,” Marie persisted, “but it’s not as if he kept it a secret. He was stood outside the place for ages speaking to some of the bodyguards and children.”

“If you know all this why are you asking me?” Eve asked.

“Because you never said! It’s a coup for you getting Ambassador Vorpatril’s son!” Eve coughed and spilt her drink. “Oh for God’s sake, Eve, you mucky pup - here.” Eve took the napkin, mopping the spillage from her jacket as she tried to stop coughing. Marie handed her another napkin and frowned at Eve’s clothes. “I’ll send you the dress code for the embassy. It’s loosened up but –”

“I’m not wearing a gown.”

**Barrayar Imperium Embassy**

Eve wore what she always wore: long boots, layered dress and long jacket. It worked for her. She did vary it. This outfit was shot through with bright silver threads so it shone when it caught the light. She wasn’t going to tell Marie that she changed her outfit ten times before she gave herself a talking to. Marie, a good four inches taller than Eve’s five foot two (and a half), shimmered in a long gown of blue matching her eyes. 

Marie’s husband stared at Eve’s emerald, faux suede boots that disappeared under Eve’s knee length dress. He grinned. “I win. Told you she wouldn’t wear shoes.” 

Marie elbowed Bash in the ribs and he kissed her cheek. “Marie’s wearing the same in solidarity.”

Eve laughed and kissed her friend’s cheek too. “Let me wander around on my own for a while.”

“But you don’t know your way around. They’ve changed it since you were last – Eve, wait.”

“I’ll figure it out, don’t worry.”

Eve walked off before Marie could object and she and her husband were accosted by people as soon as they entered the drinks reception anyway. Eve couldn’t see that any changes had been made since she had consulted on the embassy’s security; she’d visited more times than Marie knew but not in daylight hours. This was before Ambassador Vorpatril’s time.

Eve scooped a drink up off a tray and studied the access points; she knew the evening’s itinerary and when the ambassador would arrive with his family. She would just go straight up to him.

“Eve? Is that you?”

Eve turned and smiled. “Nadia, hello. What are you doing here?”

Nadia laughed, and her ample cleavage laughed with her. “I’m a guest, chick, I’m a guest.”

Eve kept forgetting that Nadia was the Vervaini ambassador which was something Eve was sure Nadia cultivated. She rarely mentioned her position.

“How’s my Tomas doing? He’s got quite a planet sized crush on you Kiki said. She can’t believe how old you are and she’s not the only one.” Eve doubted Tomas’s bodyguard nanny said any such thing. Eve wasn’t sure whether Nadia was saying it because she thought Eve would be flattered or if it was just Nadia’s nature. Eve subtly moved so she could keep an eye on the doorway as she told Nadia how well Tomas was doing in the class.

“I have to say, Eve, I’m offended,” Nadia said in mock seriousness. “You told me you don’t have time to do the embassy party scene anymore and yet here you are.” There was a sharp edge to Nadia’s smile and Eve smiled in return.

“A friend talked me into it. Ah that gentleman is trying to get your attention.”

Nadia snorted. “That’s no gentleman,” she said suggestively. “But I should see what the man wants.” Nadia looked down at Eve’s legs. “You have to tell me where you got those fabulous boots. I’ve never seen you out of your dojo outfit. Interesting look. Very interesting. We’ll speak later, chick.”

_Damn it! _The Vorpatrils had entered just as Nadia left and the ambassador’s people expertly manoeuvred him and his family to part of the room where he’d start the endless introductions to the _important_ people. They were a beautiful family; the ambassador’s oldest daughter was on his arm and the twins that weren’t really twins were close by too. All golden eyed and dark haired and all of them as beautiful as their mother and as handsome as their father. Jamie looked nothing like those kids; he was handsome but Eve had enough objectivity to know that there was something different about the Vorpatril kids all stemming no doubt from their mother’s interesting gene pool.

The oldest and youngest sons were absent; the dancer – Padma – was on a tour with his ballet company (Eve had checked) and Anton was probably with the nanny. Eve held back as the Vorpatrils did the diplomatic meet and greet dance; it all bringing back memories for when Eve used to sing and spy at the embassy. Not that it helped her.

If Eve didn’t intercept the ambassador before they sat down to dinner she’d have to wait until the endless food courses were over and the dancing to start. She could see other people trying to manoeuver themselves to see him. Nadia was right there in front. So that’s why she was loitering and she had a lookout. _I’m out of practice_. Eve couldn’t see a way in and after a fruitless hour moved away. The ambassador and his family left and would only return to make a formal entrance into the dining hall.

Marie sent her a terse _Where are you?_ message while Eve loitered in the now almost empty hallway, already thinking of a strategy for tomorrow when she had some luck. The ambassador, returning with his family, caught her eye and he slowed down.

“Eve, isn’t it?” he asked. She nodded because it seemed a genuine question. He raised an eyebrow. “Are my forms for Anton that late?”

She almost laughed but his light tone didn’t match his wary eyes. Eve stepped forward. “No, but I did want to speak to you about something but I’ve been unable to make an appointment,” she said. “Any chance I could steal a few minutes tomorrow? It’s important or I wouldn’t be asking although I’m sure you’re often told that.”

It wasn’t the done thing, to accost the ambassador this way especially if you were a nobody which Eve in diplomatic terms definitely was but instead of giving her the brush off Eve got few minutes at 9.10am and he didn’t even ask why. Eve wasn’t sure if that was a good or bad sign. His secretary noted it down and Eve stepped back as the family went on their way and then she left the embassy, sending a message to Marie and Bash that she’d remembered a previous appointment. 

**

**Eve's Apartment**

At home she made a creamy vat milk coffee, cut a large slice of chocolate cake and called Jamie and told him the news. Jamie was pleased about it but she could tell by the glazed look in his eyes and wayward hair that he’d been doing some heavy viewing or reading.

“You researched him didn’t you?” Eve asked and Jamie smiled and shrugged. Of course he would have. He wasn’t a patient boy and did she really expect him to do nothing with such news. 

“That statue in the courtyard at the Barrayaran embassy,” Jamie enquired, moving something to the side of him that wasn’t in her viewer. “It’s of Aral Vorkosigan, right?”

_Here we go_. Eve nodded. “Yes.” Jamie had only been there a few times but the statue wasn’t something you could miss. Eve had strong views about that statue but it wasn’t the time to get into that.

“He’s the ambassador’s uncle?”

“Yes.”

“Right.”

Eve sighed. “Jamie –“

“They’re colossal. That entire family and the people around them – they _changed_ Barrayar.” Jamie’s laugh was incredulous. “I mean I’ve heard of some of them – who hasn’t heard of Aral Vorkosigan? Even all my non-Bar friends have heard of him. His whole family, they’re _giants_.” He bit his lip. “But I don’t think I’ve ever read about them in your papers.”

“I write about the invisible history. Your father’s family are anything but invisible.”

And so they spent the evening talking about his father’s family. Eve tried to be fair; it wasn’t just his father’s relatives – Ambassador Vorpatril himself had accomplished much as an ambassador too but Jamie was ahead of her; he knew all about that too and had read all about Lady Alys. Thankfully Jamie didn’t ask her much about his new grandmother and Eve finally mentioned the imperial line of succession but played it down; explained that it was contested in parts but that Jamie was so far down it he had nothing to worry about but Jamie had other things on his mind.

“Grandad said they wouldn’t have seen you as an appropriate mother.” There was a thread of anger in his tone. “Not with your past. I’ve seen it even now when people find out about you. People who don’t know you. My father – he didn’t know about your past, did he?”

“No,” she said. “I never told him.” _So much I never told him._ “So you’ve been speaking to your grandad about this?” Her father was still in Rio, overseeing his nightclubs; she’d told him that he didn’t need to hurry back to London and also instructed him to rein in his Vor prejudices and let Jamie make up his own mind. “You know your grandfather’s Vor views change with the weather, and he’s very biased where I’m concerned.” That made him smile.

“As you are with me but he explained things in a way you haven’t.” Jamie’s smile turned thoughtful. “He said you wanted me to have what you never had – not until grandad found you anyway; wanted me to grow up knowing I was always wanted, loved and with the kind of freedom you didn’t think I would have in my father’s family. So I wanted to tell you that I know you made the decision because you thought it would be best for me, Ma. I won’t forget that you did what you always do – put me first. Whatever happens with my father I won’t forget that. Oh Ma, don’t cry.”

“I’m not crying. I just need some more cake.”

**Barrayar Imperium Embassy**

_“You’re worried about opening this door,” Tej said. “But you know you have no choice. You shouldn’t have kept her waiting two hours, Ivan. You know you shouldn’t have done that.”_

Ivan opened his eyes and stared at the empty chair, his heart thudding into his ears. He sipped his water and placed the glass down carefully on his desk.

“Ambassador? Sir? Shall I ask Madam Sorrentti to make another appointment?”

Ivan cleared his throat. “No, Artem. Send her in.”

He could see it up close; her eyes were flickering again. They were a strange blend of hazel that made him uncomfortable. There was something peculiar about her or did he just think that because he now knew she was one of the ‘Betan 10’? That she’d been one of those ten children chemically abused at a BC clinic because the therapist had a breakdown, dosing her and nine other girls with drugs she shouldn’t have. Madam Sorrentti was one of only three survivors. But that was nearly 40 years ago; she had been cleared by his staff so she must be stable but when Ivan asked for her full file he’d hit a wall. He started to get a very bad feeling. 

He gestured to the chair. “Please. Apologies for keeping you waiting. It was unavoidable but I’m afraid I will have to hurry you.” He should never have allowed her to make this appointment. He should never have enrolled Anton in her academy.

“This room is secure I take it?” she asked bluntly. “From eavesdroppers,” she added, in case he didn’t understand.

_Who the hell does she think she is?_ “Yes. But like I said, you’ll have to be quick as –”

“Jamie’s your son,” she snapped and his heart cracked hard against his ribs. “That quick enough for you?” She ran a hand through her hair and let out a strained laugh. Cinnamon and oranges – the scent wafted from somewhere. “This is not how I wanted to tell you.” She stood up. “You have my contact details. Contact me when you have the time.”

“Sit down,” he said, “please,” he added at the molten look she gave him. She did sit down and for a long moment they stared at each other while Ivan remembered a summer storm and a woman with flickering hazel eyes and incredibly long hair the scent of fruits and spices. Only her name wasn’t Eve. _My God. Of course. It was her._

“Imperial Hotel,” she said, to the question he hadn’t yet asked, “you were at a wedding. It was outside but the rain sent everyone inside – except for us until – well.” She looked down at the toe of her boot. “I was - I looked different then. Apart from being younger I mean my hair was a lot longer. _A lot_ longer.”

Ivan didn’t want to remember. It had taken him a long time to forget. “Do you have proof?” he asked, it came out harsher than he meant but it jolted him to the present.

Her eyes widened. “About my hair?”

“What?”

“You said – oh you mean Jamie. Of course that’s what you meant.” She shook her head. “You’ll want to obtain that proof for yourself surely? I assume you have someone you trust to do a test?”

He jerked back in his chair. “You think I have someone on standby for this? That this happens a lot.” Alright it had happened but only once before and the child wasn’t his.

“That’s not what I meant. Would you trust any proof_ I_ gave you?” she asked and she scrutinised his face with her irritating eyes. “No, I didn’t think so. Look, he wants to meet you. That’s why I’m here but if you want proof first tell me how you want to do it.”

“Why now?”

After a long pause she spoke. “Because now is when I told him you’re his father. If you hadn’t come to my academy, if he hadn’t seen you I wouldn’t have had to tell him.”

Ivan barked a laugh. “So it’s my fault that you’ve only told me now? It’s taken you nearly thirty years?”

That molten look returned. “You would never have welcomed him!” she said. “You were very clear how you felt about ‘the noose of marriage and babies.’ I haven’t forgotten those words.”

A loud knock on the door was followed by Artem’s entrance as Ivan tried to recover from her accusation. “Sir?” Artem asked. Ivan had asked him to interrupt unless he signalled otherwise and Ivan had lost track of time. But Eve was already standing.

“I can see you need to think about this which is understandable. I’ll leave you alone. You have my contact details.”

“Wait,” Ivan said. His head was splitting. He signalled to Artem and he left and closed the door behind him. _Must get control of this._ “I will have to contact someone to do the paternity test and then we can talk but it will take at least a week for them to arrive.” He expected her to be furious and was braced for an argument but she simply nodded as if she’d expected it. Did she not know the laws she had broken? Judging from her reaction she had no idea. She wouldn’t have come into the embassy otherwise but he wouldn’t have her detained. God he was tempted but he had to think of him – of Jamie. This wasn’t the old days. There were other ways. _My son. I have another son_.

“I’ll wait to hear from you,” she said and left. Ivan unclenched his aching fist and looked at the half moon blood marks on his palm.

_“Miles,” Tej said. “You have to get Miles. And did you see her superb boots?”_


	3. Miles Receives Some News | Eve Receives A Visitor

**Vorkosigan House **

Miles sipped his coffee and glanced at the information Lizzie gave him while she emptied the cupboards and fridge of food into two bags she’d placed on the kitchen table. 

“I thought you were staying the night,” Miles said.

“I am, just being prepared against locusts.” Lizzie labelled the bag with her name. That was the rule of the house for the complaints of: WHO ATE MY FOOD? Although the last time she did this Simone had written on Lizzie’s bag - YOU DON’T LIVE HERE ANYMORE! I TOOK IT ALL! 

“If you moved back home you wouldn’t have to keep stealing food.”

Lizzie grinned. “It’s not stealing. Remember how Moira used to call it long term borrowing?”

That Moira was intending to pursue a law career was really no surprise. Miles didn’t envy anyone who crossed swords with his niece in anything. He was looking forward to watching her future career. “If you’re short of money –”

“We are managing fine,” Lizzie said firmly.

_We._ Miles was still getting used the ‘we’. Lizzie was sharing a flat with a fellow medic she called her boyfriend; both of them family physicians at the same practice and also running clinics in the villages in the Dendarii Mountains. That Lizzie had stayed to serve the district in her own way was a source of bursting pride for their parents. She had worked off-planet for one year before returning to Barrayar but not to her own home. Lizzie often spoke of valuing her independence which also involved replenishing her own kitchen stock with food from Vorkosigan House and often leaving her laundry.

“Maybe that fellow of yours should learn to cook.”

Lizzie placed a large cake into her bag and looked across at her father. “He has a name, Da.”

_Leonid ‘call me Leo’_ – Miles have never met anyone less lion like. He frowned and angled his head. “I forget his name. He doesn’t come here that often.”

“Maybe if you stopped interrogating him about his intentions _every time_ he comes he would come more often.”

Miles grinned. “Scared, is he?”

“No he isn’t!” Lizzie kissed his forehead. “He knows which battles to pick. It’s quite refreshing. So did you read it? What did you think?”

Lizzie’s determination to help Rohan speak was laudable but unwanted by Rohan and Ivan. This latest therapist and techniques Miles was reluctant to pass on to the Vorpatrils. Ivan had seen therapists with Rohan but he stopped when Rohan suddenly started communicating with hand signs – he asked Ivan to stop taking him to all these awful therapists and that he just wanted to go home.

“I can tell what you’re going to say,” Lizzie said and sat down. “I’m just trying to help. It’s been years since Aunt Tej passed.”

Miles stroked his fingers over the creases in Lizzie forehead and tucked a strand of her wayward hair behind her ear. “Yes and Rohan talks about his mother all the time. He’s not buried in grief.” Miles tapped the file against the table. “I will hold on to this in case your uncle asks but he wants people to accept Rohan’s choice. Alright?”

Lizzie agreed to accept this for now and updated her father on what had happened since she’d last seen him including interesting patients she’d seen and an awful party she went to in VS where she was accosted by several men all asking about Pax. “It’s not funny, Da.” Poor Lizzie. Two years ago Pax had fallen in love with a visiting choreographer– a male choreographer and since then his preferences had been far more varied than they had been in his previous years. Lizzie, who had been telling everyone that Pax was only interested in girls, was now being accused of all sorts from various male friends who thought Lizzie had decided that they were not good enough for her High Vor cousin. And just because Alex was touring as a resident artist with Pax’s ballet there were rumours about them being an ‘item’ too. Lizzie had got used to rolling her eyes at all.

Miles stood and tapped his ear. “Sorry, love. I have to take this in the library. Your Uncle Ivan sent a message that half scrambled. Should be clear now.”

**Library**

The message was encrypted and marked urgent with the code they used for: _everyone well_ _but something has happened_. Miles still remembered the day he received the message about Tej without the ‘everyone well’ tag. It was so close to his mind that when Ivan’s shattered face appeared with those same dead animal eyes of five years ago, Miles’s breath caught in his chest.

“There’s no easy way to do this.” Ivan stroked his thumb across his forehead as if to erase something. Then he sighed and leaned forward, hands clasped on the desk. “I have a son,” he said in an almost whisper. “I think it’s true. He looks like me. His name is Jamie. I’ll send you what information I have. I have not told anyone about this but you and the emperor. I have to hurry, I have a meeting with that pompous ass from Pol but – I need,” He looked away and then back straight ahead. “I need you here,” Ivan continued, his set jaw making his words sound strained, “to investigate and verify – kill all the birds with one stone. You know what that means. Ah. The mother. Yes. Her name is Eve Sorrentti.” Miles’s cup shattered to the floor. Ivan frowned. “She used to have hair long past her hips and called herself Penelope. She said that I –” He seemed caught up in a memory. “I’ll send a follow up message as soon as I can,” he added hurriedly before the END of MESSAGE flashed.

“Holy fucking shit up a creek,” Miles said, “Did he just say -” Miles played the message again and swore again. Various thoughts were formed and dismissed as Miles recalled Jamie’s age and what Ivan said about Eve’s hair. This was before Tej. Miles looked up from his pacing and tap-tap banging of his stick at the rapid knock.

“Da, are you still in there? Uncle Ivan and everyone alright?”

Lizzie’s anxiety helped to soothe Miles’s rising emotions. “He’s fine, love.” _No he’s not._ “He had some news I have to look into.” _Thanks, Ivan. Thanks a lot_. “Nothing to worry about.” _No, just have to contact the emperor and tell him there’s another heir running about_. “I need to make a few calls, leave us some food will you, love.”

Lizzie said she’d think about it. Miles fired off a message and seated himself back in the comfortable chair, still tapping his stick but focussed enough to do what research he could. He also contacted Nikki whose new shipping company would likely get him to Earth faster than anyone else. 

As Miles scanned Jamie’s birth record, Gregor answered looking relaxed in a plain blue shirt, unusually open at his throat and an easeful expression but with his silver black hair smoothed back neatly, he never looked completely relaxed. “Are you about to ruin my day, Miles?”

“Ivan’s ruined mine so yes I am sharing the pain.” At Gregor’s mild expectant look Miles sighed. “I take it you’ve not received the message from him yet.”

“No, but there’s no need for me to wait if you have.” Gregor waved a hand. “Go to it.”

Miles peaked his hands and rested his mouth on his fingertips. Gregor raised a mobile eyebrow. “Good God, Miles are you speechless?”

Miles took a breath. “You said go straight to it so – Ivan’s been told he has another son – a 27 year old son.” Miles paused as Gregor closed his eyes for a few seconds and opened them. “I’ll play Ivan’s message,” Miles continued, “as that is only half the issue.”

Gregor watched it in stony silence and both eyebrows flew up at the mother’s name. “Is he talking about Agent Blue?”

“Yes. But judging by that message he doesn’t know Eve is Agent Blue. Eve’s on Earth too.” He shook his head at Gregor’s look. “It can’t be the Shion mission. Eve and her agents had a separate rendezvous and Ivan was with me when we brought Simon home. Jamie’s birth date doesn’t tally with the mission. They must’ve met again after.” Miles had double checked. If Ivan had screwed one of those agents while on that mission to rescue Simon, Gregor wouldn’t be the only one who would rake him for it. “I don’t know when they met again– he’s never mentioned her.” Not that Miles was privy to all Ivan’s exploits but Eve was distinctive. She was also not Ivan’s type. 

Gregor scrutinised the birth record. “His full name is interesting. Jamie Marcus Simon Jon – Jon is English for Ivan, isn’t it? I’m surprised you didn’t pick up on it but if anyone has the resources to hide someone in plain sight, it would be our Agent Blue.” Gregor sighed and swore. Just once but it was so rare he may as well have let off a tirade of expletives. “You will leave tonight?”

“Yes, sire.” Miles still couldn’t believe it. Not that it had happened but that Agent Blue was the mother. He’d spoken to her about Jamie only briefly. Her reluctance to speak of him made sense – she wanted to keep him separate and safe from her spook life. But it turned out that wasn’t the only reason.

“Eve…of all the people.”

“You’re upset that she fooled you.” Gregor said sounding amused and preoccupied. “I often thought this would happen to you too in your early days.”

“Me? My private life was never as colourful as Ivan’s.”

Gregor looked doubtful. “Miles,” Gregor said in his emperor voice. It was a subtle change in timbre and body language and it didn’t bode well but Miles knew what was coming. “If he is Ivan’s son, he is in the Imperial line however far down and contested that may be. That means questions about why now, and why he was hidden. You understand?”

And this was why Miles would be leaving today. Imperial heirs would always be in ImpSec’s eye but that couldn’t happen if they were hidden which was why there were many laws around the line of succession including ones on concealing an heir; Miles just never thought anyone would break that law in the way Eve had. Miles picked his words carefully. “I know her work and I know her. Eve is as loyal as they come.”

Gregor sighed. “Loyal and an agent with access to sensitive, imperial secrets.” Gregor raised a hand. “But no, I don’t believe she’s been plotting anything against myself or my heirs; she’s saved too many of their lives for that to be true but that evidence and my belief in her is not enough and,” Gregor pinned him with a stare, “neither is yours and neither is Simon’s. You understand?” Miles wished he didn’t. “This must be resolved quickly. When you go,” Gregor continued, “you will ask what’s needed to be asked to draw a line under this and then we can get on with the more important task.”

“Which is?”

Gregor smiled. “Getting to know Ivan’s new son.”

“Don’t you want to know why she hid him?”

“I’m not going to speculate, Miles. Let’s keep to what we do know for now.”

Fast penta was both the problem and the solution to deal with this mess. Miles insisted on gaining access to Eve’s sealed files of her first ImpSec interrogation which Simon had interrupted and had led to Simon hiring her. They both agreed to conceal this from Simon until Eve’s questioning was over. Simon’s health was precarious and Eve was one of his favourite recruits. And then they both received a heavily encrypted message from Eve. They viewed it together. 

“By now you should have heard from Ambassador Vorpatril. I told him the truth and no, Miles, I didn’t sample the_ candy_ at work.”

Miles couldn’t help laugh. Even with the encryption Eve was somewhat careful with her words. Ivan’s role in the Shion mission was the ‘candy’. It had been Miles’s idea but it was one of Eve’s team that had altered Ivan’s appearance into the kind of rakish blond she said would appeal to the receptionist. Ivan did his part and the mission was a success but Ivan never forgave Miles for that dye job.

Eve placed her cake aside. “I know you’ll be here soon, Miles so here’s the deal, boys…sire.” Gregor muttered something; looking both exasperated and amused. “I will cooperate fully with your paranoid investigation even though as far I’m concerned I_ haven’t_ broken any laws. You will question me first and not my family or friends. Once you have your answers you should have no reason to question them at all.” Miles and Gregor exchanged looks on that point. “I know it has to be fast penta but if certain medical contingences are put in place it shouldn’t be too bad, right?” Miles flinched at the break in her voice. “I _insist _on those contingencies and I’m asking you to keep it between us for as long as you can. I don’t want anyone to know especially Simon or my father. They both know I died in my fast penta interrogations so they’re not going to like it.”

“To say the least,” Miles muttered.

“But we know this is the only way to clear this up quickly.” Eve paused and then her serious demeanour was broken with a small smile. “If the ambassador follows protocol and puts me under surveillance I promise I’ll try and behave.” And she ended the message with a request for Miles to bring her some Loukoumi from Nico’s.

“What am I, her personal shopper?” Miles asked.

“We have to stop Ivan from doing anything drastic,” Gregor said.

“If he hasn’t already.” They ended the call and Miles sent his staff out of purchase a few boxes of Nico’s Loukoumi.

**

**Back on Earth**

Eve started to lay the groundwork so Jamie wouldn’t be surprised that she would be questioned by Auditor Count Vorkosigan about concealing Jamie’s paternity. Eve congratulated herself on doing a good job as Jamie didn’t seem concerned. The only thing he asked was when Miles would be arriving and Eve assured him it would be soon. “As soon as he comes and they have their official proof, we’ll go see your father together. It won’t be long now.”

And then she received an unexpected visitor. Eve had been surprised to see Anton in her class three days after her meeting with the Ambassador. But even though he hadn’t been pulled out something had happened; when she corrected Anton’s left hook stance he over reacted, promised to do better and begged her to tell his father that he was _trying_ and _everyone _made mistakes and that he _really _wanted to stay. Eve assured him he was doing very well. When the class ended and most of the children had left, Sky returned to the gym and took Eve aside and with her back to the visitor window whispered, “Lady many names Vorpatril is here to collect the kid.”

“That shouldn’t be a problem she is on the list.”

“Yes but she told me she wanted to speak to you first. You’re very popular with this Vorpatril family.”

Lady many names Vorpatril was led through a few minutes later, and Anton ran to her and told her what a _super _time he had and that he loved it and he was doing_ super_ well, wasn’t he, Eve?

Eve laughed and said he was a very good trainee. His sister smiled at him and told him to go play while she spoke to Eve but she turned to Eve with a less than warm smile.

“Yoga? I thought this was martial arts. I was watching from the visitor room. Sorry, I should introduce myself, I am Lady Ana Alys Arqua Vorbretton Vorpatril but you may call me Lady Allie; you may not recall but I saw you a few days ago at the embassy when you made an appointment with my father.”

Eve refused to take the bait, shook her stiff hand and smiled. “Yes, I remember you.” _And I’m not telling you anything, child._ “The yoga is part of the warm down. It helps with many things including sending the children home in a more relaxed frame of mind. Some children,” she added as Anton practiced his roundhouse kicks in the corner and yelled, “See, Allie. I’m getting really good. Only my first lesson too.”

“It’s not your first lesson,” she shouted back and then turned back to Eve with the same film of frost over her demeanour. “He’s had training already and may not need to continue here. It’s still under discussion.” Ah so that explained Anton’s fears but it looked like Anton had got his way for now.

Eve nodded. “Whatever you think is best for him. We will miss him though if he goes, he’s already become a firm favourite with the class.”

“Yes, he makes friends easily, sometimes too easily,” she paused and giving Eve the full force of her golden brown eyes she added, “I found some old recordings of you singing at the embassy. There seem to be some large gaps between your different times here. I suppose that’s because of your recent work as a historian I believe and a security consultant and a martial arts trainer– it must be hard to fit singing in too.”

It wasn’t a very subtle way for her to let Eve know she was being looked into. “Yes,” Eve agreed, refusing to elaborate on her harlequin life as Marie called it, “that’s true.”

“Can we hear you sing?” Anton asked, suddenly at Eve’s side and looking up with a bright, seraphic smile.

“Not today, Anton,” Eve said, “but thank you for asking me.”

“Maybe you could sing when I come next time,” he said, his eyes shone, “or at my birthday!”

“It’s time to go home,” Lady Allie said quickly, “so take that thing out of your hair now.”

Anton’s hand went to the bright headband keeping his curls back. “I like it. Tomas said it’s practical and fashionable.” Eve almost shared a smile with his sister until she appeared to come to her senses and her frost returned.

“Say goodbye to Madam Sorrentti.”

Anton frowned. “Who’s that?” he asked looking around.

Eve laughed. “Me, my last name is Sorrentti but you can still call me Eve.”

“You can’t be a Madam. Madams are old and –“

“Anton, for God’s sake.”

Goodbyes were quickly said and they left.

It saddened Eve at how already Jamie’s arrival was causing repercussions and that thought was still in her head when her father called as Eve knocked on Marie’s front door.

“You’re here?” Eve gasped. _Da_ she mouth to Marie, and Marie yelled a hello as she took Eve’s coat and pushed her in the direction of the conservatory.

“Da, I told you there was no need for you to rush here. Everything is fine,” she whispered turning her back on Marie’s boring eyes.

“I know you are hiding something,” Marcus said bluntly. “Why did you not go with Jamie? How can you trust them? Have you forgotten when they took you?”

Eve froze with her heart. “What are you talking about?”

“Jamie! I called him. He said he could not wait for the cousin. He said he has gone to see his father.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> How Simon recruited Eve is here if you want more background. [Illyan's Daughters](https://archiveofourown.org/works/4240605/chapters/9594417)


	4. Jamie Makes An Application | The Rumours Start

Ivan examined the lunch tray for a few seconds and pushed it aside. He would force himself to have these lunch breaks not just because of the medic’s orders but because he’d promised Tej so long ago and Allie recently. But even the aroma of spiced fresh bread, which reminded him of home, was sitting heavy in his stomach. 

He had argued with Allie last night about her visit to Jamie’s Academy. Allie said she was trying to understand why that woman was important. Why had Ivan said he was pulling Anton out of that academy and then changed his mind just because Anton begged him? (Then followed the usual comments that Anton always got what he wanted and that Ivan was never this lax with his other children. An argument made by every child about their younger sibling.) Did _that woman_ have some power over her father Allie had demanded? Ivan reassured Allie she did not! But Allie had given him a shrewd look so like her mother and said, “But something is going on. Some truth you’re not telling me.” If Ivan even thought about that truth, a red, jagged fury would rise up – _a son!_ A son she’d kept from him. All these years. She’d probably poisoned the boy against him just because of some foolish things he may have said when he was younger. If he’d known Jamie existed it would’ve been different. Ivan never thought of his children as a noose.

Ivan noted the flashing light. “What is it, Artem?”

“Apologies for disturbing your lunch, sir but you asked to be informed if there were any developments regarding the Sorrenttis.”

“Cut the preamble, Artem.” Ivan glanced at the lunch he’d have to find a way to dispose of before Artem saw it – he had his own way of subtly badgering Ivan about his appetite. This was one of the reasons Ivan often cut the visual to his secretary.

“Jamie Sorrentti is in Visa Services filling in the application pack for an appointment with you.”

Cold water poured down his back, at least that’s what if felt like. Ivan’s shiver wasn’t fear. It was something else. Miles had told Ivan to sit tight and wait until his arrival and not to do anything. Ivan had agreed with that redundant advice. He understood the merit of it and had had no intention to do anything until it was all official. Miles would also be dealing with the arrangements of Eve Sorrentti’s surveillance which Ivan thought was unnecessary since Ivan could arrange that easily at this end but Miles was Miles. But Ivan had been right. Miles said he’d explain about Eve’s flagged file and why he couldn’t access it but that it was nothing to be concerned about_._ Recalling all the other times Miles had told him that _‘there was nothing to be concerned about’_ Ivan expected the worst. Gregor had only replied that he wished Ivan and his family well and that he would wait to hear the outcome.

So Ivan would ignore that the boy was here, not give him an appointment and wait for Miles. Ivan could be patient and wait to see his son.

_My son._

“Tell them to – tell them to send Jamie Sorrentti up.” Alright, not that patient. What harm would it do to meet him?

Artem’s hesitation spoke volumes. “Immediately, sir?”

“Yes and push Captain Vorchloros to 14.30.” 

Ivan stood, straightened his tunic, sat down and stood again, walked around the desk and returned to his seat. A few minutes later Artem showed Jamie into Ivan’s office. He was almost as tall as Ivan, not small like his mother. Ivan stood again and gestured to the seat in front of his desk, “Please.” But Jamie shook his head.

“I’ll stand for a while, if you don’t mind. I’m still recovering,” he paused and then smiled, “from filling in that form.” Ivan laughed. Jamie’s accent was like his mother’s – the non-descript drawl of a galactic traveller. A hybrid of many accents.

“How far did you get?”

Jamie’s forehead creased and he bit his lower lip briefly. “I think 6c on Section 4. They were surprised I didn’t want to complete it at home. I suppose it usually takes people a few days or years?”

“Something like that. It helps weed out the…weeds.”

Jamie laughed and spun on his heel. Was Jamie’s laugh like Ivan’s? It definitely wasn’t the husky laugh of his mother’s. Ivan remembered when – he stopped that memory from surfacing out of the rain. Rain. Why was he thinking _– no. Not important._

“This office is huge,” Jamie commented. “Very…ambassador like I guess or Barrayaran like?” Was the wood panelled office Barrayaran like? Yes, Ivan supposed so but the window screen of an ocean – a particular view that only meant something to him and Tej was not Barrayaran at all. But Jamie never asked about that; he stared at it for a few moments and instead his clear green eyes were caught by something else – the large painting of Vorkosigan Surleau by the door. “Alex V,” he said reading the corner signature. “Is he famous?”

“I believe so. Are you an artist?”

That made him laugh again. “No, no talent for it. Ah I think I remember now – Alex Vorkosigan, he’s your nephew? He’s the artist right?”

“Yes.”

The silence started to lengthen so Ivan asked as gently as possible, “Is there a reason you wanted to speak to me today?”

Jamie finally sat down and after a moment’s pause he said, “I didn’t want to wait.” He chewed on his lip. “My Ma ah advised I wait to see you until your cousin arrives to do the paternity test and make it official but my Ma wouldn’t lie about something like this,” he said defensively, “and I don’t believe in wasting time. I know it puts you on the spot but anything could happen between now and your cousin’s arrival. He might be delayed and…” He stopped there and for the first time looked uncertain. He turned and swivelled the chair around to look at the door, and Ivan thought he was about to bolt when he pointed to the ocean window. “Where _is_ that? Have you swum there?” he asked, his tone sounding genuinely curious. 

“You know, no one has ever asked me that before,” Ivan mused. “But I’m afraid not, it’s toxic. Do you swim?”

Jamie’s grin said it all. Ivan stood. “Let’s move so this feels less like an interview. Just over there.”

Jamie wiped his palms on his thighs as he stood. The boy was far more nervous than Ivan had first thought. They moved to the plush russet sofa and chairs in the corner where refreshments were always available. Ivan poured two glasses of water from the decanter and pushed a glass towards Jamie. Jamie drank the water in one go and Ivan poured him another glass. So Jamie’s mother had guessed Ivan had sent for ‘his cousin’ Ivan was surprised but he supposed if was an obvious assumption. It bothered him though that she knew he’d sent for Miles. But putting that aside he also had to put aside Jamie’s mother’s treachery. Jamie was not to blame for any of this. He had to remember that. Ivan couldn’t voice it yet that he believed Jamie was his son but he could put the boy at ease.

Sitting sideways, Ivan faced Jamie with a smile, sipped his water and started draw him out. Ivan’s mother and endless diplomatic meetings had trained him very well in that respect. “So I take it martial arts isn’t the only sport you like. Do you train swimmers too?”

It turned out they had both been swimming champions at their respective schools but Jamie had gone on to swim professionally for a short while. The idea of Ivan doing that made Ivan laugh; just picturing his mother’s face if he’d said he was going to resign his commission to become a professional athlete. 

“It wasn’t really an option I would have considered; it was a different time,” Ivan added. Not wanting him to think he would’ve restricted his own children. “Do you still compete?”

“No, it was becoming joyless until I switched to open water swimming which I love but I don’t compete except for charity matches. I –“ He stopped at his writscom chime. “I have to take this.”

It was his mother. Jamie assured her he was fine and then laughed. “I can’t do that, Ma… you _wouldn’t_. Alright, alright.” His amusement faded and he said softly, “Yes, yes of course I do.” Jamie turned to Ivan. “My mother wants you to give your,” he paused, brow wrinkling,_ “formal_ word?” He asked it like he wasn’t sure “- that after we talk you’ll let me leave the embassy. She thinks you have a claim to detain me. Is that right?”

Damn it so she _did_ know. “It’s complicated,” Ivan said to avoid answering in the affirmative. He didn’t want Jamie to leave. There was only one quick way to resolve this so Ivan gave her what she wanted. “I swear by my word as Vorpatril you are free to leave at any time.” But Ivan gave a specific time too that he would ask Jamie to leave due to his next appointment. That satisfied his mother and ignited Ivan’s curiosity that she trusted him. “You’ll tell grandad?” Jamie asked his mother. “He keeps calling me. I know. Love you more.”

Jamie ended the call and ran a hand through his brown and reddish hair; Ivan could see the reds he hadn’t noticed before. “Would you have tried to keep me here?”

“No,” Ivan replied. “But do you trust my answer?”

That made him laugh. “I’m a pretty good judge of character and yeah I do. You would’ve been more defensive with my mother otherwise. She’s just worried because of what happened to her when she was younger. Do you know about that?”

“A little.” But Ivan didn’t want to talk about her. “So I admit to doing a little research on you and you used to own a nightclub?”

Ivan was fascinated by Jamie’s career path or paths. He had owned and managed nightclubs, restaurants, an extreme sports company; he’d either sold those or had shares in them and used the profits from those ventures, and Jamie’s Academy, to fund sports programmes and camping trips for the children at three children’s homes. He had a lot of staff under him and was currently studying for some kind of legal child care qualification. And although Ivan didn’t want to talk about Jamie’s mother she was always there. 

“There isn’t anything she stopped me from doing.” He smiled. “She had this sneaky way of making me stop myself. When I was younger she’d make me do research for any new ventures or hobbies to prove I was interested and if I didn’t - I couldn’t do it. She never said no to anything as long I’d shown I’d thought it through. She’s very important to me,” Jamie said.

“I can see that.” 

“She said you two haven’t really talked yet and that will happen after the test?”

Did he have to talk to her? Yes he supposed he should. “Yes. Does that bother you?”

He shook his head. “No, but I think I should tell you because I don’t think she has.” He took a deep breath. “It’s been my choice for the last ten years not to find out – that you’re my father. Ma would’ve told me if I asked.”

That did surprise him and he had to force himself to smile through the shock of it. “Is it because of what she told you about me?” Ivan asked in as neutral tone as his expression, he hoped.

“Yes and no; she’s always said you’re a good man,” he said quickly. “Said I wouldn’t be ashamed of my father so it was never that but I knew you were from an _influential and complex_ family that’s how Ma put it and I see what she means – it worried her and she doesn’t worry for nothing.” His serious demeanour didn’t last long as he laughed again. “I did think you were maybe from a crime family. Ma didn’t know that that was what I was thinking.” He flinched, “and I realise now I shouldn’t have said that.”

“A crime family?” Ivan asked. For God’s sake!

“An incorrect assumption on my part,” he said, “because I speculated about it with someone. Don’t blame my Ma for that; she never said it,” he said firmly.

Ivan just nodded but he completely blamed her for that. A_ crime_ family?

“But the thing is – I’m selfish.” Jamie gave him a sheepish look. “At first I wasn’t ready to meet you and then I didn’t want anything to distract me from my plans. I’ve met kids reunited with a birth parent and even without a complex family you have to stand still for it and I wasn’t ready to do that. I know how bloodless that sounds but – there is no point regretting that is there? Although meeting you now I’m beginning to regret leaving it so long but well we’re here now right?”

Ivan couldn’t help but smile. “Yes we are.” The boy had a pragmatic way of putting things that Ivan appreciated.

“Whatever happens,” Jamie said, noting the time on the wall clock, “I’m glad I met you today but before I go can you explain about you giving your Word, is that legally binding or something? I must sound like an idiot to you for asking.”

“Not even remotely.” So Ivan explained about honour and a Vor’s word and hoped hard that Miles wouldn’t be delayed so he could tell everyone about his new son.

**

Rohan sat on the floor and listened while Ivan read a bedtime story to Anton in the dimly lit bedroom. Ivan knew Rohan was waiting to pounce. Allie would’ve been there too but she’d received a message from Daniel and was locked in her rooms savouring it. Ivan hoped it was the good news that Daniel would be granted leave from his ship duty soon. Ivan hadn’t been sure of Daniel at first but he had proved himself a decent fellow. He wished he had been able to give them a big wedding but Allie had insisted on the smallest wedding Ivan had ever attended although granted not as small as his own wedding which Allie pointed out repeatedly. 

Rohan stroked his father’s hair before signing - Anton’s asleep. I want to talk to you – 

Ivan nodded and after kissing Anton’s cheek and adjusting the blanket so it didn’t touch Anton’s neck or face Ivan left the room after Rohan. Allie was waiting in the kitchen – their place for all serious and not so serious conversation. She had already made fresh coffee.

“I thought you were going out tonight?” Ivan asked Allie, surprised to see her already in her pyjamas.

“Why is Uncle Miles coming here so urgently?” Allie asked.

Ivan frowned. “How did you –“

“Lizzie and before you try and fudge this one, Da, she said Uncle Miles received a message from you, and then booked passage with one of Nikki’s ships but she’s only just found out that he’s coming here.”

There wasn’t really any way Miles could keep that quiet within the family. Not if any of the children were at home. Ivan had been stupidly remiss; he should’ve prepared for this.

Rohan caught his father’s eye and held it - Is this to do with Anton’s marital arts tutor, Da? –

“Who is she and who is her son?” Allie asked. “I’m starting to hear gossip which I would’ve ignored if it hadn’t been for you giving Madam Sorrentti that appointment and then seeing her son too.”

Ivan had walked Jamie out; it was a point of honour for Ivan to see him to the entrance. He’d seen Jamie’s mother and grandfather waiting outside but didn’t speak to them. Fine, the damage had been done. The gossips were already speculating. Ivan had done this to himself. Ivan poured himself a coffee. If gossip was already kicking around he’d promised the children long ago not to keep them in dark, _if _the gossip was relevant to them but he could play for time. Ivan turned around and faced their concern.

“It’s nothing to worry about,” he said firmly, gripping Allie’s and Rohan’s shoulders with each hand, “keep that in mind. I may have news but it’s _not_ bad and when your Uncle Miles arrives I will know for sure and by then Pax will be home. That’s when I can tell you.” Over Allie’s groan and Rohan’s frustrated stare he added, “It’s only a couple of days.”

They were well aware of how Pax and Moira would be if they were left out. Ivan was glad Moira was staying overnight at Callisto’s. Once any gossip reached Moira’s ears she would be relentless in trying to get it out of Ivan. It wouldn’t hurt to remind the children about something else. 

“I need you all to be patient and to not be baited by any gossip you hear about the Sorrenttis. I’m not accusing either of you anything,” Ivan added quickly at the affronted looks from his children. “I know you can handle this but I’m also asking you not to ask me anything until your Uncle Miles arrives and Pax is home.” Letting that sink in for a few moments Ivan turned to Allie. “Good news about Daniel?”

Allie smiled as she always did at his name but her smile was a pale imitation of her usual joyous grin. “He’s well. Other than that there is no other news.” She stood up and moved around to her father. “Are _you _alright, Da?”

Ivan laughed in part shock at her heavy, concerned tone. “Yes. You don’t need to worry about me. I’m the one whose job it is to worry and I am fine. Honestly I am. So are you both staying in? Want to play WordLink before your Uncle Miles arrives and we have to play by his rules?”

They played one game but the children were too preoccupied to give a good game. Probably eager to go to their rooms to do more research on the Sorrenttis. Ivan just hoped the Sorrenttis weren’t going to exacerbate the gossip. He’d told Jamie that he’d contact him when Miles arrived and Jamie had agreed to wait. Ivan hadn’t contacted Jamie’s mother. There was no need to until Miles arrival.


	5. Eve Tells the Almost Truth About That Night (or Nights) | The Test

**Marie Vorlessi's Apartment**

“You had sex with him?” Marie bellowed.

Now that Eve was reassured her son was safe, and had placated her father with the agreement they would both meet Jamie outside embassy when he was done, she finally disclosed the truth to Marie about Jamie’s father.

“Yes,” Eve repeated. But Marie was having difficulty digesting the news. Eve poured Marie a drink pushed her friend gently into her favourite seat in the conservatory, where she could bathe in both the sunlight and the heavy scent of her prized gardenias. Marie instead perched at the edge of the chair, knocked back the wine on one long swallow and poured herself another. She stared at Eve as if she’d suddenly grown an extra head.

“You’re sure?” she breathed.

“Yes.”

“Lady Alys’s son?”

Did this still happen to the ambassador, Eve wondered – was he always never himself but someone else’s? “Yes,” Eve said unable to hide her exasperation. “Lady Alys’s son, Dowager Vorkosigan’s nephew. Do we have to go through his whole family? I did not mix him up with another Ivan Vorpatril. Yes, I had sex with him and yes, Jamie is his son. Can you not just believe me?”

“Believe you? You lied!” Marie exploded. “All these years it was – you said – _some _fellow in Paris at Elayne’s – and oh _that’s _why you were so damn cagey about him. He didn’t exist! All your _I don’t want to talk about it _and not telling any of us who he was because it wasn’t fair on Jamie. What a load of horseshit!” 

Eve had only confided in Agent Silver at that point, who thank God was on Earth when Eve arrived from Barrayar. Agent Silver had advised her exactly what to do: transfer the baby to a uterine replicator, go meet her friends in Paris as planned and go out partying and that’s what she did and Agent Silver was right. Everyone thought Jamie’s father was someone she slept with in Paris during Elayne’s wedding events but Jamie had already been gene cleaned, his eye colour amended and placed in a uterine replicator. Eve was a couple of days late meeting her friends but no one suspected a thing.

Eve settled back into the soft wicker chair with her own drink. “It wasn’t fair for you to know before Jamie and I didn’t want you all to be accused of conspiracy.”

“Conspiracy? You thought we’d be afraid of his family?” Marie snapped, standing up. “Really? Me? Elayne? My sister may be a softie but she’s not –”

“Marie,” Eve interrupted, “Jamie’s an heir.”

Marie dropped back hard in her chair like she’d been punctured.

“Way down the line of succession,” Eve added, “but a damn heir all the same.”

The sunlight only enhanced Marie’s now pale features. She was often asked by tourists about the emperor and his heirs so she was well aware of the succession and of how, for Barrayar’s and their own sake, the heirs were kept under ImpSec’s eye – legally. It wasn’t a secret.

“You’ll be questioned,” Marie said, her voice so thin Eve could barely hear her, “we’ll all be questioned."

“Not if I can help it. Look, Auditor Vorkosigan will be here soon.” Marie’s pale turned translucent but Eve was confident she would soon recover. She had to – Eve needed her. “He should get all the answers from me. Marie, I need to keep that interview from my father when it happens. He’s never forgiven them for what happened – when ImpSec interviewed me about my trainer. To him all Barrayaran officialdom is the same.” Marcus was proud of her agent work but he didn’t link that to ImpSec; to him that was Eve’s own success but Eve knew part of that success was her old trainer.

Eve had had a wonderful martial arts trainer that had helped her recover from her bad Betan therapy. Not only had he taught her martial arts so she felt empowered to defend herself against anything or anyone but he’d given her, without her realising until later, the hyper situational awareness skills of an agent that managed her agoraphobia and helped her lead as normal a life as she was ever going to have. But her suspicions about him had led her to be questioned by ImpSec. It turned out her trainer was a rogue ex-ImpSec agent trying to recruit for his own missions. He disappeared before ImpSec could apprehend him. It was only Illyan’s arrival that had prevented Eve’s ImpSec interrogation ending badly. Illyan believed that she didn’t know her trainer’s plans, and believed _in_ her. Illyan was her reminder and one of her examples of the good that was ImpSec. Eve’s father wasn’t so forgiving.

Marie hesitated. “Marcus had a point, Eve, you _disappeared._ You said you were going to speak to someone about your trainer and then no one could get hold of you! I remember how grown up we thought we were,” she seemed to flinch at the memory, “but we were kids really – you were only eighteen! What did you expect from Marcus? We were all scared and asking about you.” She shook her head. “I’m sorry, Eve but I’m not on your side in this and my sister wouldn’t be either. I don’t blame Marcus at all for scaring everyone.” Eve’s father had made a scene at the embassy telling anyone who would listen that ImpSec had taken Eve from him. “Then he disappeared too,” Marie pointed out, “and you came out looking like a ghost! And not being able to tell us anything except your martial arts trainer was wanted by ImpSec.”

Marie was too sensible to pry further but that incident had always sat between Eve and her friends no matter how much they tried to put it aside. “They didn’t torture me. I told you. I had a bad reaction to the fast penta,” Eve understated. “The allergy test doesn’t work on me. It came up clear but I had heart problems. They are going to do what they can to make sure it doesn’t happen again,” Eve explained as Marie was looking less and less assured. Eve leaned forward. “Listen to me,” she pleaded. “I need this done under fast penta not just for Jamie’s sake; there’s no other way for all of us to get clear of any ridiculous, paranoid accusations otherwise they’ll think we’re involved in some elaborate plot for the camp stool!”

After some back and forth Marie reluctantly agreed under many conditions, and Eve told her her plan. Eve didn’t like to trick her father but she couldn’t have him worried and create a scene that would backfire on them all. Better he find out after Miles interviewed her and it was all over, and even better if her body would behave. Then there would be nothing to tell her father. Miles said he was looking into her_ issues_ to ensure things ran smoothly but ImpSec had already done tests on her and they couldn’t find a biological basis for her reaction to fast penta. They didn’t have to look hard for a psychological one - Eve had been tortured with truth serums and hallucinogens at a Betan therapy clinic when she was a child, it wasn’t hard to see why her body tried to reject it.

After a lull in the conversation and more wine, Marie looking more flushed than pale suddenly burst out, “Damn it, Eve. Ambassador Vorpatril! _Why?”_

Eve grinned, relieved of the change in topic. “He wasn’t an ambassador then. He was a captain.”

“You know what I mean.”

Eve laughed. “No, I don’t. When I saw him I wasn’t thinking of his family or his meaningless title - I can’t say I was thinking much of anything except I wanted to spend time with him.”

“In his pants?” Marie asked bluntly.

Eve gave a helpless shrug. It struck her that this was the first time she could talk about what happened. Even with Agent Silver she hadn’t given the most important detail. Just that the baby’s father was Barrayaran and she didn’t know if she wanted him to know.

Agent Silver now knew the truth as did her team; Eve had to warn them about what was about to happen – before Eve was frozen out of ImpSec temporarily (or permanently...). The fact that Miles hadn’t triggered that protocol was a puzzle. But none of this was being done by the book.

“So how did you meet him?” Marie asked.

Alright she couldn’t tell Marie _everything_; definitely not that she’d first seen Jamie’s father on a mission to rescue Simon Illyan so she told her the first time was at the Imperial Hotel in VS. 

“I was enjoying their tea and cake,” Eve said. But she was only there to see Captain Vorpatril again but as herself – not in her Agent Blue disguise with her fake eye and hair colouring and agent garb – and to see if they liked each other’s company. He’d impressed her on that mission; he’d had a small but important role and conducted himself professionally. He also had a sweetness about him she’d never come across in someone so delectable, cultured and so funny too. Also yes, he made her body burn and God she was itching to ride him. It was the first and last time she’d met someone that overwhelmed her that much and she’d made sure it never happened again.

“He caught my eye,” Eve said simply, “and it was easy to get into the reception.”

Marie laughed. “So you crashed a wedding? Whose wedding was it?”

Eve shrugged. “Some friend of his I think, not an officer. Captain Vorpatril wasn’t in greens; he was in his house uniform.”

“Oh yes. Now I can see it. Tall, brunet, tight uniform and hoity-toity accent – completely your type.”

“That’s _completely _not true,” Eve laughed. Marie then cited men Eve had known that matched that description; all exaggerations as far as Eve was concerned. Marie frowned and searched her wristcom for who Captain Vorpatril was seeing at the time. “No one then,” Eve said defensively. “I wouldn’t have gone after him if he was and he didn’t have a date with him which I couldn’t understand. Men like that usually always have dates. Anyway it was hard to talk to him as he was like a butterfly or a firefly flitting between people. He knew everyone and everyone liked talking to him. What?”

“Ah nothing, just trying to picture you then but I’m assuming you did get to speak to him.”

It was strange speaking about the details. It was also stranger that she remembered that sweet, peculiar heated pain that lingered in her heart so long after leaving him. “There was a storm as the reception was winding down.” It was a typical VS scorching summer when you didn’t know where those sudden rainfalls were going to hit but they still had tables outside.

Marie shook her head. “What is it with weddings that people think they can defy the VS weather. So everyone got wet?”

There weren’t that many people out there but enough that the staff and various guests were rushing around with umbrellas and bringing people inside. Captain Vorpatril was one of those on umbrella duty and Eve had gone outside when he didn’t return.

“He was drenched,” Eve said, and the memory was laser sharp, “and no one else was out in the gardens and he was looking at the path to the garden exit. He was going to leave.”

“Let me guess, you introduced yourself and asked him out for a drink and you left the back way?”

“Not _exactly.”_

She did introduce herself, as a visiting student which was kind of true, told him her age as she’d seen him look wary at the word ‘student’. She was nearly 23 then, ten years younger than him but that never bothered her. She told him she thought it was very good of him to get everyone umbrellas. He laughed about it and said he was sorry he didn’t have any more but Eve was too wet through for it to matter and it was so hot she was drying in the wet. They moved under the tree where the thick, warped branches canopied them somewhat from the downpour but not the humidity. They talked about the cake at the wedding, and she couldn’t remember what else except that his magnificent kisses and expert hands led into more magnificent sex.

Marie jerked back, her wine splashing her hand. “Wait! What?” Her bright eyes widened. “You had sex _outside?_ Under that tree? The sacred tree?”

Oh yeah. Eve kept forgetting about that. “Look I didn’t know at the time that that maple tree was –“

“Eve! People propose marriage under that tree! It’s like a blessed spot.”

“Well then we blessed it in our own way.” Eve thought for a moment. “Twice.”

Marie was stunned into an increasing silence so Eve decided to reassure her while she tossed her a napkin. “No one saw us, Marie. Terrible security in those gardens. I told them about the blind spots in their grounds afterwards, anonymously of course and you know to give them credit they installed extra vid-cams.”

Marie started laughing for some reason and it was a while before she could talk. “So Jamie was conceived under the sacred tree?”

Eve rolled her eyes at the name but shook her head. “Ah, maybe I don’t know. Maybe in the Captain’s hotel room?” Eve thought it was great planning that he already had a room there.

“In case he got lucky?” Marie asked sardonically.

Eve grinned. “Well he did, didn’t he? So did I. It was a lovely room. A suite.”

“Alright. You told us that your time with Jamie’s father was brief so was that true? That was your only time together - that one night?” Marie stared at her and sighed. “It wasn’t just one night was it? It wasn’t the quickie you made it out to be.”

“It may have been three nights.”

“Three - _may_ have been? What do you mean 'may have been?’”

“Well I don’t know if the first night counts as one night as it was really late it’s not as if we actually slept for – ” Marie’s hand tightened on her glass and Eve noted she looked a little tense. “Three nights,” Eve said.

Marie stood and started laughing again. “How did no one see you leave? Did you go to his place the next two nights because I know there’s no way you would let him into your penthouse without several security drills.”

Eve sipped her drink. “Um… well, I told him I was leaving soon for Earth. You know for Elayne’s wedding and it turned out he didn’t have plans that weekend and neither did I so we kind of stayed in the hotel.” Eve was hoping that Marie would leave it there but not Marie.

“How come no one saw you in the hotel?” Marie’s eyes narrowed. “Surely you must’ve left to – no!” Marie stared down at her. She gasped. “Really?”

“There was no reason to leave the room,” Eve said, annoyed with herself that she sounded defensive. “But we ordered a lot of room service. The staff were very discreet,” she added.

“You _never_ left the room?” Marie asked. “Never?”

“No.” Eve stood, relieved at the alarm sound from her wristcom. “I’m going to meet Jamie. Yes I know we haven’t talked about everything yet but we-“

“Why didn’t you tell him?” Marie asked. “At least answer that. I can think of reasons but I want to know yours. Why didn’t you tell the Ambassador, Captain – Lord Vorpatril! Why, Eve?”

Eve thought for a moment. “It wasn’t just that he wasn’t ready for children. Yes,” Eve said feeling Marie’s shock. “He mentioned that but no, I didn’t know I was pregnant. But it wasn’t just that. Do you remember when you first wanted me to sing at the embassy? Do you remember what people said about me? What do you think is going to happen when people find out I’m Jamie’s mother?” Eve kissed Marie’s pale cheek. “And that’s just one of the things I didn’t want to put Jamie through. We’ll talk later and try not to worry.”

***

The day Miles arrived he didn’t waste any time. He showered and changed at the colossal mansion that was the Ambassador’s residence and went directly to the embassy. After a short chat with Ivan he was led to Jamie and Eve, waiting silently with Ivan’s loyal if stiff secretary – the witness. Miles introduced himself, shook hands and made swift work of it. He took out the testing kit and shortly after there was the proof that Jamie was indeed Ivan’s son. Recorded and witnessed Ivan’s secretary could now leave the room. 

Miles smiled, turned to Jamie and shook his hand again and said, “Welcome to the family.” _And you’ll be meeting all of them very soon._ Pax’s tour was finished and he and Alex would be arriving that evening. That meant Ivan would be telling them all tonight after Miles and Ivan sent their various comms home. It was going to be an interesting evening.

Jamie laughed. “Thanks.”

“We’ll leave you two alone to talk,” Miles said. “I need to speak to your mother – if that’s convenient?” Miles asked Eve.

Eve nodded, stood and reassured her son that she would be alright. By his look she’d already warned him about this interview but not, Miles was sure, about everything. Eve didn’t speak to Ivan but glanced back when she left the room, as father and son faced their new reality.

Eve looked resigned but gave Miles a wry look when she noted his stare as they were escorted to a different room down the hall. “Guess it’s too late to unring this bell, eh?”

When they entered the secure meeting room and closed the door Miles said, “I should say welcome to the family to you too.” And nearly staggered at Eve’s stare.

“Jamie is part of your family, if he chooses to be,” Eve said stiffly, “I am_ not _part of your family.”

Miles thought of how Ekaterin had reacted to the news before he’d left, and all her insightful questions about Jamie _and_ Eve. _That’s what you think, Eve. _


	6. Miles's Interview | Ivan Reveals All

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The secret's out.

“I can see the resemblance now – didn’t your Jamie have lighter hair before?” Miles asked, pouring himself and Eve a coffee. 

She rarely spoke about her personal life and had only shown him Jamie’s pictures when Miles had shown pictures of his own children. He’d always put her reluctance down to privacy and her mission focus but now he viewed their previous interactions differently. 

“Jamie’s hair got darker. It happens. He’s normal you know,” she said defensively. “Doesn’t have any of my quirks. I’m sure you’ve already accessed his medical files.”

He handed her a coffee and she shivered when she grasped the mug, ignoring the handle but holding on tight to the cup. “He’s normal,” she repeated.

“Are you warning me that he’s boring?” Miles asked and that startled a sudden small mile out of her.

“Far from it,” Eve said. 

“That’s good to hear,” Miles said. “Give me a moment will you. I need to send this.” The tech was so much better these days. No need for him to disappear into a separate area to send the secure, encrypted written message to Gregor that he’d confirmed Jamie’s paternity. He should’ve ignored the message from Alex but he was looking forward to seeing him. The boy never stopped working – resident artist on Pax’s ballet tour and he had a show too in a couple of weeks. Miles was looking forward to being there at the preview. He didn’t always get to be there. Alex was confirming they’d be meeting tonight.

“Good news?” Eve asked. “You’re smiling – really smiling.”

Miles looked up. “Alex is arriving today. I’ve not seen him in a while.” Eve nodded but said nothing. Not even a polite query of how his family fared. He suspected why. Sometimes she could be as stiff with honour as any Vor. Things were going to be awkward until this interview was over. “Everything’s arranged your end?” he asked.

Eve nodded. “Yes. And my father will likely call in the next ten minutes to check on me but the time for my real interrogation is in place,” she said drily. “Thanks for today,” she added in a softer tone. “I appreciate it.”

Miles doubted Ivan would. He hadn’t had time to brief him fully. This was Eve’s pseudo interrogation as she called it; to placate her father. The real one would be tomorrow and no one would know about it except for Eve’s friend Marie Vorlessi. “It will assist us both. You answering some questions will reduce the time of that interview.” He wasn’t going to call it an interrogation. “The shorter it is the less likely you’ll suffer a repeat of those previous symptoms.”

She snorted. “Symptoms. Nice way of putting it.”

Miles had approximate timings from Eve’s records and her two interrogation sessions about her trainer. Miles wondered at her agreeing to work for ImpSec after viewing those. But Eve was unusual. Illyan said Eve viewed the universe in her own peculiar way to help her deal with the horseshit that had been shovelled on her since birth. And Illyan had used that for Barrayar’s benefit.

“This preliminary meeting should be recorded, shouldn’t it?” she asked.

“This is not an interview,” Miles said and sipped his coffee. “This is a conversation between …old colleagues.”

She laughed. “I see. You know I did think this meeting was just for you to vent at your _old colleague._”

Miles had done that with only Ekaterin to witness part of it. She had been shocked at the news but after Miles had mentioned that he’d met Eve a few times (Eve’s cover as a private security consultant helped), and that she wasn’t someone he believed was involved in any conspiracy, except to keep her son a secret, Ekaterin had said, _“Poor Ivan and that poor woman. To feel she had to do this.” _

“First things first,” Miles said.

Miles opened a small pouch. Eve paled but after a few seconds she moved her chair closer and stretched out her small, long fingered hand. It shook and she steadied it. The swift test showed she wasn’t allergic to fast penta, as it always did meaning they had no choice but to use it. Eve closed her fist on the table. “This gets you off the hook for whatever happens,” she said surprising him by reaching across to press his own hand. “It’s not your fault, Miles that my body is like this. It’s just the way of it. So,” she let out a long breath, “All this because you think I hid an heir in a conspiracy to get what – power? Get him on the camp stool?”

“Eve-“

“I know, I know. You’re just doing your paranoid, imperial job. So ask away, do your timings.”

He confirmed that Eve had met Ivan for the first time on the Shion mission. “Yes and the next time you met?”

“Was at the Imperial Hotel when I got pregnant and _not_ on purpose. Yeah, I can see that question a million wormholes away, Lord Auditor Vorkosigan.” Miles didn’t look up from his encrypted notes but stifled his smile. “That was the second and last time I saw him, Miles of my own accord. No one set it up. Ah I have to take this – my father.”

Miles listened amused as Eve told her father she was fine and she couldn’t stay on long as the auditor wasn’t happy about the interrogation being interrupted. “No, Da. No fast penta. I told you the Lord Auditor has already done an investigation and they know my life inside out anyway,” she said scowling at Miles who shrugged. That part was true. She burst out laughing. “How the hell do want me to prove that? Okay – okay. You have a wonderful head of hair, Da. Yes, yes, I’ll call Marie when this is over and you, yes.” She shook her head and turned to Miles. “He wanted me to prove I hadn’t been dosed with fast penta.”

“I got that.”

“And Marie’s done her part by saying she couldn’t get hold of me and has news. I hate lying to him but – Miles are you going to tell him that I’m Agent Blue?”

“What? Your father already knows,” Miles said baffled.

“Not him. Jamie’s father.”

“Yes of course. The emperor wants full disclosure so questions won’t be asked later.” He assumed Eve would know but it was best to warn her. “Eve, I have to ask difficult questions that aren’t because I want to be personal. These questions don’t reflect anyone’s views on you but if we don’t do this now it will be done later and you don’t want to go through this again, do you? Do you understand?”

She walked over to the bland painting of The Star Bridge in the centre of the wall. “This place needs a serious refurb,” she said with a shake of her head. “You can’t predict all the questions, Miles but yes, I know what’s coming. Well, some of it. I’m sure the emperor has –“ she muttered something he didn’t catch and then said in a rush, “Miles, I need to talk to him before my interrogation.”

“The emperor? I don’t see how –”

“No. Jamie’s father.”

Miles placed his notes on the table. “You two haven’t –“

“No. I know I should wait until he’s ready but if we can talk before my interrogation –“

“Interview,” he corrected. “I’ll ask but it may be something as mundane as him not having the time.”

She was examining that painting as if she could see something through it. “I’m sure you can convince him, and also tell him I’m Agent Blue before we speak?” she asked. “I think it will be better coming from you.”

“Thanks,” he said sourly.

She turned around and faced him with a slight smile. “After that there won’t be any reason for him to see me again. I’ll answer all his questions and that will be that. You can sell it to him that way. ”

Did she really think it would be that simple? _I’m missing something._ _What am I missing? _Well her interview would answer all Miles’s questions, as long as he asked the right ones. As long as her heart didn’t stop as it had with her previous fast penta interrogations.

“I’ve not heard from Allegre yet,” Eve said. “How pissed is he?”

“You’ll hear but not till this is done. I did tell you that,” Miles added.

She waved a hand. “I know. I know. I just…I know. Did you get my loukoumi?” she asked. Miles always thought he’d got used to the way she would suddenly change the subject but he was beginning to feel the mental whiplash. She didn’t always do it; perhaps it was nerves or perhaps she already knew what Allegre had told him. “It can be part of my last meal,” she added. “Come on, Miles, don’t be so serious.”

Eve shared the loukoumi Miles had indeed brought with him, before Miles went over further questions; in the back of his mind he pondered how he was going to crash another secret on Ivan’s head. 

**

It was more awkward with Jamie now it was official. Their first meeting had gone better; Ivan was greatly disappointed in himself when Jamie said he had to leave for work but they agreed to meet again soon and exchanged personal contact information. But the boy gave him a sudden embrace before he left and Ivan returned it in a way that wasn’t awkward at all.

_**_

**Vorpatril Residence**

“_You have to be patient with them,” Tej said. _Ivan rose from the edge of his bed where he’d been rehearsing what he was going to say to the children.

Pax hadn’t been at the house long but Ivan had no choice. They’d be going to dinner soon and he couldn’t tell them in public. They all moved into the kitchen, taking their favourite seats with Rohan sitting in his usual spot adjacent to his father so everyone could see him. Ivan stroked Rohan’s bronze waves. “You need a haircut.”

– I’m growing it long. What’s going on? –

“Yeah I’m sure we didn’t come here to talk about Rohan’s hair,” Pax said whose own hair had also grown longer. Seemed to be the fashion these days.

Ivan smiled, told them it was surprising but good news and asked not to be interrupted until he’d finished. He expected many reactions to the news. Shock of course and questions. He’d not thought much further than that – all his children being so very different but the one thing he hadn’t expected was the vibrant anger.

“Who is this woman?” Moira demanded. “What are they after? Why come forward now? How do you know she’s telling the truth?”

“For God’s sake, Moira,” Allie said, “Da’s already told you that Uncle Miles did the test and it’s all legit. Are you questioning our auditor uncle?”

Moira scowled and folded her arms. “I can’t believe you did this to Mama,” she said, her raw disappointment nearly caused Ivan to apologise until he came to his senses. 

“Moira,” Ivan said, “this was before I met your mother.”

The idea that her father had had relationships before he got married seemed to appal Moira even more. “And he’s old,” Moira said, “He’s nearly thirty! It doesn’t make sense; it’s not as if he needs a father at his age. He must want something. I bet its money.”

“It’s not money,” Allie said, “they have plenty. I checked.” She met her father’s eyes. Of course she would check; she’d been suspicious from the start. “His mother was given a hefty amount by the Betans as compensation for that bad therapy. She owns a penthouse not far from here and she has one in VS. She’s half Barrayaran,” she added. She looked like she was about to say something else but she didn’t. 

“He has Simon as a middle name like me,” Pax said, staring down at his small console. It was the only thing he’d said so far. He raised his eyes. “You didn’t know about him?”

“No,” Ivan said. Ivan regarded the Simon middle name as a coincidence. He hadn’t asked Jamie about his names yet.

“This is what she would’ve looked like when Da met her,” Moira said and launched into a short unflattering biography of Eve Sorrentti and displayed a vid of Jamie’s mother singing years ago. Ivan had never seen it but there she was as he remembered her with her long hip length hair and that small earnest face and bright smile that lit her up head to boots. Ivan glanced down at her boots. Hmm.

“He used to be a professional swimmer but left it to run a fancy nightclub, an extreme sports club and other things.” Pax frowned. “I can’t understand people like that.”

\- Alex changed careers – Rohan pointed out.

“That’s different!” Pax said. “Alex left engineering to pursue his Art and he’s stuck with it. You can’t compare him to Alex.” Pax’s tone was practically reverent . “Alex is different.”

“_Her _career path is as chequered as his,” Moira said, “like mother, like son and look what her hair was like! Must be a wig; she’s practically bald now,” Moira said. 

They laughed and Ivan could already see the dangerous road this was going down. “Have you finished assassinating their characters?” Ivan asked and the laughter died. “I appreciate that this is a shock for you and that you don’t know anything about Jamie or his mother but that is no reason for you all to forego your manners and engage in poisonous speculation based on gossip. All of you have been victims of that and should know better.” After a short silence where he let that sink in he added, “I had a brief, very brief relationship with Jamie’s mother. We never kept in touch and this is the first time I’ve seen her in 28 years. That is more than enough for you to know.”

\- But that’s not everything – Rohan pressed his father’s arm before continuing. – Uncle Miles is here in Auditor capacity not just to verify if he’s your son but because he’s an heir –

“That’s right,” Moira said, “_I _was about to say the same thing. It’s not _poisonous speculation_, Da. Hiding an heir, no matter how far down the line he is, _is _treason,” she said in triumphant tones.

“Only if treason is found,” Ivan said, “Jamie’s mother has been questioned by your uncle on why she hid him but your Uncle Miles is waiting on some information so he’s not able to disclose anything as yet.”

“What has she told you, Da?” Allie asked. “Or don’t you believe her?”

Ivan sipped his coffee and stared past his daughter. “I’ve not had that conversation with her yet. I’ve only just found out I have a son. My priority was to tell you all. I will speak to his mother in due course. But I have met Jamie,” Ivan went on hurriedly ignoring the incredulous looks from his children. “And I can tell you he’s a very pleasant fellow and I think you’ll all like him.”

“Da,” Allie said, “have you really not asked her yet why she hid him?”

“Why should he?” Moira said. “I think that’s sensible. She could be plotting anything. I don’t think Da should go anywhere near either of them again until Uncle Miles has finished with them. What if Uncle Miles arrests her?” 

“Then Jamie would still be my son,” Ivan said simply_. Facts with Moira you have to give her facts._ “If your Uncle Miles suspected anything he would have had both of them confined. His waiting to hear from home isn’t an indictment against either of them. It’s protocol.” Ivan had rarely seen Miles so sure and Ivan trusted him, relieved he didn’t have to question his instincts already warming to his son. 

But Moira’s anger hadn’t abated; she shook her head. “It’s still not 100%,” Moira insisted. “Even Uncle Miles could get it wrong. I think they should be both locked up until Uncle Miles gives the official all clear.”

“For God’s sake, Moira,” Allie muttered, “But I agree – not at the locking up part,” she added quickly but everyone was still stunned that Allie agreed with anything Moira said. “I don’t think we should have to meet him until Uncle Miles has finished his investigation. His mother’s background _is_ strange but she has money and she’s a security consultant – that could be a dangerous combination. I’m not comfortable with any of this, Da and I’d feel better after Uncle Miles has officially finished with them. I don’t want you to get hurt, Da,” Allie said and Ivan knew she was being her usual overprotective self.

“He_ is_ an heir after all, unlike us, right?” Pax asked. “Mama’s genes takes us out of that line.”

That wasn’t official but Ivan was surprised at Pax mentioning it especially in that tone. None of the children seemed to care about the succession before. Ivan turned to Rohan as he touched his father’s hand.

– I trust you, Da. If you think it’s safe to meet him I want to meet him too –

Moira stood up. “I never said I didn’t trust Da! We are just being careful and I don’t want these people to take advantage of Da. That woman is still under investigation, Rohan. You can’t ignore that. She could’ve been up to all sorts to try and worm her way into our family. Biding her time or she could’ve – ” Moira cut herself off but Ivan knew what she was thinking.

Ivan sighed. “Moira –“

Pax stood. “I’m going out.”

“What? Out?” Ivan asked. “You can’t we’re going to dinner.”

“Well if Pax isn’t going,” Moira said, “I’m going to –“

“Stay where you are,” Ivan said. Ivan ignored Moira’s fierce stare and turned back to Pax. “Come on, son. I know this is a shock but I had to tell you today.” Damn it. Ivan knew well what that look and the stiff set of his jaw meant. Pax was a stubborn soul. “Pax, please I’ve not seen you in months. Let’s talk about this.”

Pax walked over to the chair and picked up the jacket he’d thrown there. “I’m going to see Alex.”

Allie was at his side. “Da booked this table months ago for _you_. It’s_ your_ favourite restaurant. This whole evening was planned around you!”

“No it wasn’t, this is all about your new brother!” Pax burst out. “You can call him Pax too, Padma – that should be his name now, shouldn’t it? He’s the oldest son now.”

“Don’t be foolish!” Ivan said with an exasperated laugh, and instantly regretted it but Pax was out the door with Allie shouting at him for being so childish. 

Dinner was cancelled. But Ivan still had one more person to tell. Ivan left with the driver to pick up Anton from his playdate so he could tell Anton the news; the evening events sitting heavy on him as the pain in his eyes threatened to turn into something else. Ivan dismissed the security and sat with Anton alone in the back of the aircar and told him the news.

“Jamie’s my brother?” Anton gasped, wide-eyed. “Really, Dada? Really?”

“Yes.” Ivan laughed. “You like Jamie, don’t you?”

Anton nodded his head vigorously. “He came to the class and he’s a black belt and Eve is his Mama.”

Ivan only nodded but Anton continued. “That means I have another Mama!”

“What? What do you mean?”

“Jamie’s Mama is Eve and Jamie is my brother so Eve is my Mama.”

Ivan’s headache exploded and Ivan pressed his temples – sometimes it helped. “No, Anton. Sweetheart, it doesn’t work that way.” No, it wasn’t helping.

Anton frowned and his face lit up again. “I get it!” Ivan sighed with relief and Anton continued, “I don’t mean she’s my _only _Mama. Tej Mama is still my Mama. I know she’s still my Mama but lots of people have two Mamas. Tomas is always getting another Mama but he only has one right now. Tomas says…”

It was downhill from there.

Ivan interrupted, explained it at different angles but Anton became so distressed Ivan stopped. Anton was stuck in his own logic loop and Ivan couldn’t break it. Ice cream cheered Anton up somewhat but when Ivan returned home to return Miles’s call he realised downhill went further down than he thought.


	7. Acceptance | Consequences

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Another secret is out

At a quiet corner at The Pearl restaurant, after Alex had updated Miles on the success of his resident artist project and that he and Pax had not tried to kill each other on the tour, Miles updated Alex. Alex laughed. “No! Really? A son. Tell me about him.”

Miles told him the basics – age, what Jamie did for a living and sent him the information on the _Jamie’s Academy _advertisement. Alex’s eyes widened as the image appeared on his wristcom. “Oh God. He looks like Uncle Ivan.”

Miles had been pleased at Alex’s cheery acceptance of this news but was puzzled by this reaction as Alex’s laughter died. Alex looked at his father. “Pax. You know what he’s like. Oh damn it. Why does he have to look like Uncle Ivan.”

Miles could have kicked himself. How had Alex picked up on this before him? It had taken Padma (Miles refused to use the Pax nickname} a long time to come to terms with his unusual beauty and how to handle it. Padma and his siblings had also had to deal with the remarks of how they looked very little like their father. There was a resemblance but more in expression and personality than in physical characteristics. But Jamie, although not a copy of his father, looked far more like Ivan than Padma did and it was Padma who would feel it more keenly than the rest. Thinking about their physical differences Miles couldn’t help but stare again at Alex’s forearm and the colourful tattoo part peeking out from under the sleeve of his shirt. “That’s vivid.”

“Yeah ah – it’s just you know – you like it?” he asked. He seemed nervous but it wasn’t as if Miles was unaware of the other body art adorning his son’s skin. After closer inspection Miles realised what he was looking at.

“Are they – it looks like flying birds.”

“Yeah. I designed it myself. Is Uncle Ivan telling Pax – telling them all now?”

Miles nodded. “So I know I don’t need to tell you to tread lightly and don’t tell your siblings until you know all the Vorpatrils know. I’ll be sending a message too but no doubt there will be a slew of them making their way home. Your Uncle Ivan has already sent messages to Lady Alys and –“

“Sorry, Da, it’s Pax. Let me see what he wants.” And Alex disappeared into a corner, his back to Miles and Alex talking in soft soothing tones like he was trying to calm a child. Alex returned to the table and gave Miles an apologetic look. “I have to go. Pax wants to talk.” Alex kissed his father and hugged him. “You understand?”

Miles said he understood but he was surprised that Padma, who was so close to his siblings, wasn’t talking it over with them. 

**

It didn’t take a genius to see how badly it had gone. Ivan looked worn to the bone when he finally returned Miles’s call. The children’s hostility to their new brother and Anton’s confusion had made Ivan more curious about Miles’s blind trust in Eve’s innocence. Ivan insisted on knowing about why Eve’s file was blocked to him so Miles told Ivan the truth about Eve’s agent status. Ivan didn’t speak for a long while.

“And you are telling me,” Ivan said in tones startlingly reminding Miles of his own father, “that you believe there is nothing sinister in her actions? Even_ before_ you’ve questioned her? An agent? A fucking agent?”

Miles could see where this was going. And really he shouldn’t have told Ivan like this but he wasn’t going to be questioned like this. “Do you think I take my Auditor duties so lightly and that I would place the emperor’s family, my own, yours and all the heirs at risk solely on my belief? I trust that woman with my life but I have ripped through her and her son’s lives. They pose no risk, Ivan but I will still conduct this interview and you’ll have an official report tomorrow.”

Ivan closed his eyes and opened them after a long pause. “Who knew? Who knew about Jamie?”

“Eve and her father. No one else; she made sure of it. You were the first to find out, Ivan.” _And don’t you even think of accusing me. _

Ivan, eyes downcast, shook his head but muttered, “Agent Blue, she was Agent Blue?”

“I need to ask you a favour – for Jamie’s sake,” Miles added at the laser stare Ivan gave him. “He doesn’t know I’m questioning Eve tomorrow. He thinks it's already been conducted and so does his grandfather.” 

“I suppose there’s a reason you’re giving her this special treatment?” Miles simply answered in the affirmative. Although Ivan agreed to that he refused to speak to Eve beforehand and Miles clamped his mouth down on persuading him. Ivan was too raw and reeling from this – Eve would just have to wait.

“Ivan, it’ll be all over tomorrow and you can tell the children she had nothing to do with Tej.”

Ivan breathed in sharply. “How did you –”

“Moira’s not stopped looking for someone to blame. That’s no secret. She’s already sent me a message asking me if I asked her about her mother.”

Ivan pressed this side of his temples with his fingers. “None of them said it but I could – it’s always there. I think they blame me for not finding someone to blame. I understand that.” He blew out a long breath. “Are you going to ask her? Jamie’s mother?”

“Even though there’s not one iota of evidence to suggest it, yes because you won’t be the first one to speculate she had something to do with Tej’s accident. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

“You’re not on your way back?”

“No, I’m flying to Paris.”

**

Ivan’s morning swim did very little to erode the impending dread he’d been feeling since last night but then something unexpected happened. Pax, the champion sulker in the family, called him at his office in the early morning. Age hadn’t marred Pax’s ability to spend at least three to four days holding on to his grievances in tight-lipped silence until he was willing to talk. This was not like him. 

“You must be in shock too, Da and you’re right you had to tell me yesterday. I wouldn’t have liked it if you had kept it from me. I’m just finding it hard to adjust to it all. I’m sorry for being so childish.”

Ivan readily accepted his son’s apology, who was all smiles again. Alex towel drying his hair appeared from behind Pax. “Hi, Uncle Ivan. I’ll be around this evening with Da for a catch-up and all the juice on the new boy.” Pax’s smile faded; he would need _a lot_ more time Ivan realised. Pax’s reaction to Jamie had caught Ivan completely off guard.

Ivan turned to Alex. “I didn’t know you were staying with Pax. There’s more room at the house if you need it. Several of the suites are empty.”

“No it’s fine,” Alex grinned broadened. “I’ve got used to Pax’s strange ways. He’s infected me with them. Did you know he still won’t use the shower drier and uses about a thousand towels for different body parts? You should’ve seem him in one of the hotels we were in and I used a blue towel for my -”

“Stop exaggerating,” Pax said laughing. “I’ll see you later Da. Love you, Da,” he said with more earnestness than usual that Ivan’s eyes heated nearly to tears.

“Love you too, son,” Ivan said, and concerned things were still fragile, he decided not to comment on the new tattoo adorning Pax’s arm. It was birds of course but not like Pax to have something so bold.

Looks like a good night’s sleep had made Pax see the full picture. Miles returned in the mid-afternoon but stayed locked in his suite until the late evening. Alex thought he’d been at meetings with Ivan at the embassy and Ivan volunteered no information that said otherwise. 

**

**Vorpatril Residence**

Miles met with them all that evening and after Anton had been put to bed he answered all the questions the children asked to allay their suspicions. Ivan intervened when Moira started to ask the same question but in a different way and Allie looked like she was close to exploding at her sister.

“That’s enough, Moira,” Ivan said, “you know you have your answers, if you’re looking for an excuse not to meet Jamie you don’t need one. I am not going to force you and Jamie together but he is my son and your brother –“

“Half-brother,” Moira muttered.

“Brother nonetheless,” Ivan continued. “I intend to get to know him better and I am not seeking your approval,” he said looking at all of them. It was important that they understood that. “I would like you all to meet him at least once and soon. After that – well, you’re all old enough to make up your own minds but I expect you to keep in mind that he didn’t ask for any of this either.”

“His life is going to be far more disrupted than yours,” Miles added, hammering the point home.

“What about his mother, do we have to meet her too?” Moira asked.

“No,” Ivan said. “I don’t see why you would need to.”

“She’ll probably be with him,” Moira said.

“No,” Miles said. “She’s in Paris at the moment.”

Moira smiled. “Ah so you are keeping an eye on her still? Good. I don’t mind meeting him – once but I still think it’s weird that he needs to see Da at his age.”

Alex laughed. “I’m older than him, Moira and I definitely need my Da, and my Uncle.”

“That isn’t what I mean,” Moira snapped but that just make Alex roll his eyes.

“You don’t know what you mean, Moira," Alex said. "You just don’t like change. Well I’m looking forward to it. I’m going to invite him to my show too. That alright?” he asked Ivan.

Ivan smiled. “That’s up to you.” He walked over to Moira and planted a kiss on the top of Moira’s head. Moira clutched his arm and stayed by his side for the rest of the evening.

**

Ivan walked down to Miles’s suite. Pax and Alex had left and the children had retreated to their rooms. The staff had been informed about Jamie and to be prepared as it would be public knowledge by the morning on Barrayar. Ivan already had a glut of messages from home. He’d sent a terse response to the ministry’s implication that this would affect his ambassador duties and the impending trade talks. Nothing had been cancelled and although he’d rather not be throwing dinners for the Galactic Nations staff next week it couldn’t be helped. It was part of the job. Besides, in a few weeks he’d be handing it all over to the charge d’affaires as Ivan took his compulsory home leave with his family.

Armsman Martin escorted Ivan to the low lit sitting room and left the room. Miles waved him to the chair opposite and the drinks. Allie had managed the decoration of the suites and she’d managed somehow to make the silver and grey décor warmer than Ivan had expected.

“That went better,” Ivan said, sitting back into the ample armchair.

“Yes,” Miles said looking into his drink. “Let’s hope the boy has his mother’s strength to handle what’s coming.” He gave Ivan one of his probing looks before returning to gaze into his glass. “She’s not going to ask again to talk to you unless you want to. She wanted me to tell you that you won’t be hearing from her again and that she won’t interfere between you and Jamie.”

“How would I be able to tell anyway?” Ivan asked. “She’s an agent; she could –”

“She isn’t. Not anymore.”

That surprised him. “You fired her?”

“I would have if she hadn’t resigned. She didn't have a choice.”

“You said she didn’t regard herself as breaking any laws.”

“She doesn’t.” Miles sighed and placed the drink on the side table. “The spirit of the laws is there to protect the heirs and she was ImpSec and she did protect Jamie but she knew no one would see it that way. She concealed him from the Imperium and she broke into the Uterine Replicator clinic and tampered with his birth record.” Miles rubbed a hand across his face. “She put that boy before everything.”

“You’re on her side in this?” Ivan bristled.

“I understand her side,” Miles corrected. “There’s a difference. If you heard her side – well, that is up to you. But this is the only blemish on her record and I am sorry to see her go. Do you remember that business with Taurie a few years ago? Eve was the agent who made sure Taurie received a second chance. Eve could’ve used that against me but she’s never mentioned it. Makes a point of not mentioning it and I won’t besmirch her honour by raising it. I ended the career of a friend tonight, Ivan after putting her though a hellish fast penta interrogation. 32 years of service and most people won’t know what she did for the Imperium. You may think she deserved it but I don’t.” Miles grimaced. “I’m not good company tonight.”

It wasn’t like Miles to talk like this. Ivan, struggling with too many emotions to keep up with, knew they both needed a break. “We still have that pool table.”

Miles stared at him for a moment and then smiled. “Then what are we sitting here for.”

As they left the room, Ivan with a deep breath accessed the new message from his mother. It was short and to the point. Ivan swore. He looked at Miles and let out a strained laugh. “Guess who’s coming?”


	8. Jamie Meets the Family | Interview After-Effects

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> and another secret...

**Vorpatril Residence**

It was going well so far, introductions had been made and Rohan and Jamie were deep in conversation. Jamie didn’t question Rohan’s choice not to speak and had no issues interpreting Rohan’s hand signs and used them himself even as he spoke. Rohan was quizzing Jamie about the sporty summer camps he ran with the children’s homes. Ivan assumed Rohan was probably doing research for one of his books; he appeared genuinely curious and so Ivan had left them talking. Ivan had warned Jamie not to ask to see any of Rohan’s work. Rohan, always creating something, didn’t show his work to anyone anymore. The moment he stopped speaking was the moment he stopped sharing that part of his life.

“Oh, go away, Anton,” Moira said, “we know you were the first to meet Jamie. Stop going on about it. You’re such a child!” Anton stormed off out the room. “Well he_ is_ a child,” Moira said defensively to Miles who tried to call Anton back. Moira had been polite but distant with Jamie which with Moira was progress. Jamie’s eyes followed to where Anton had gone but Rohan tapped his hand

\- He’s just sulking. He’ll be back soon. If Anjelica can’t coax him out Da will –

But Anjelica was busy in the kitchen and not on nanny duties today. Ivan wasn’t going to overload her today of all days.

“Stop looking at the door, Da,” Allie whispered, “they’re not that late.”

Pax had promised he would come. He and Alex had to go somewhere to do with Alex’s art show next week although Ivan couldn’t understand why Pax had to go with him but he didn’t want to push things; Pax had never been that adept at hiding his emotions and Ivan could see there was much that Pax was keeping to himself. Ivan was sure that once Pax met Jamie things would go smoother.

“They’re late enough,” Ivan said. “I better see how Anton is.”

Anton had been the happiest out of everyone to see Jamie and even happier to tell everyone that he’d met Jamie _first_ and _knew _he was Da’s son because he looked like Da. Ivan could understand Moira’s irritation as Rohan’s smugness was getting tiresome but at least he’d stopped asking about Jamie’s mother. He knew she wasn’t coming but Anton was disappointed when Jamie told him she was in Paris. She wouldn’t be back until she was well enough after suffering a small accident but nothing bad, Jamie insisted but Ivan could tell Jamie was concerned. This must’ve been what Miles had meant about her reaction to fast penta. _Not my concern. She’s brought it on herself. _

Ivan knocked on Anton’s door before opening it. In the dull light he was met with a muffled, “Go away!” Anton had retreated into his tent with all his million and one toys. Ivan stepped towards the tent which was sealed up, and glowing stars spun slowly lighting the exterior. “I’m not coming out and you can’t make me. And I have lots of food and I’m not talking to anyone ever again!”

Ivan sighed. Perfect, just perfect. And tried to coax his son out.

The message from Ekaterin lightened Miles’s heart. This news was going to surprise the children and would help the evening go even better. Miles sent a message down to the resident’s security but they promptly replied that arrangements were already in place. In all the drama Ivan hadn’t missed a thing. Miles heard the door and Moira rolled her eyes.

“Finally. Da can stop chomping at the bit.”

Allie motioned to Jamie who left the sofa and joined her at the secure cam by the archway. 

“Alright, give it a guess then since you got everyone else’s name first time – who are these two late arrivals?”

Jamie laughed. Miles had never met anyone who laughed as much as this boy. “Ah the one with your hair and eyes has to be your brother Padma also known as Pax?”

“Easy guess,” Moira muttered.

“And I’m guessing the other one is his boyfriend?”

Allie stared. “What? No, that’s my cousin Alex – my Uncle Miles’s son.”

Moira stood up. “Where did you hear that they’re together? It must be the gossip mills,” she said not hiding her disgust. “People love writing slanderous things about my family and I would think that someone your age would know not to repeat it.”

Jamie’s laughter had evaporated; he held up his hands “I’m not repeating gossip. I’m sorry. I just misread the body language and their matching tattoos. I guess their close…cousins,” he said with a faltering smile.

Miles froze. _Matching_ tattoos? And then past events suddenly altered in this new, blinding light.

“Yes,” Allie said flatly and then smiled. “Alex was on Pax’s ballet tour and – well. Yes. They are close,” she finished feebly.

Pax and Alex walked into a silence which Allie quickly broke with halting introductions. Alex laughed. “It is you!” he said to Jamie shaking his hand. “I saw you years ago singing at The Troll Club! That’s your grandfather’s club, right? We met him too, didn’t we Pax?”

Jamie startled, smiled more genuinely. “What? I don’t usually sing – it was a – when was that exactly? It must’ve been a few years ago.”

“Excuse me,” Allie said, facing Pax. “I just need to have a word with my brother. Kitchen,” she said firmly.

Pax shook his head. “No thanks.”

“I want to talk to you now.”

He laughed. “Well it can wait, Allie.”

“Jamie said Alex was your boyfriend,” Moira said loudly and Jamie froze at the archway, “he said you have matching tattoos and I –.”

Moira stopped talking because even Moira noted the look that passed between Alex and Pax as their hands went to their arms.

“You lied to me!” Allie burst out. She pointed at her brother. “You said it wasn’t true! Why would you lie to me?”

Alex turned to Pax. “When was this? You never told me you spoke about this.”

“I don’t want to talk about this right now,” Pax said through his teeth, “not in front of_ everyone_.” But it was obvious who he meant. Jamie was backing towards the door while Miles rose and tried to catch Jamie’s eye. _Where the hell is Ivan? _Allie, usually adept at handling these situations, was too furious with Padma to notice that Jamie was trying to leave.

“You mean you don’t want to lie about it!” Allie exploded. “After everything we’ve been through how could you do this now?”

“This has nothing to do with anyone else”” Pax said. “It’s no one’s business.”

“You mean it’s not the family’s business!” Allie said. “Fine! You just carry on doing what you want, when you want and forget about the rest of your family! No point sticking around here with your family. Go on another tour! Why don’t you leave now? It’s what you’re good at after all!”

“What is going on?” Ivan said walking into the room with a tear stained Anton following at his heels.

“Pax!” Anton said, face lighting up. “Guess what! I –“

“Not now, Anton!” Pax snapped.

Anton stared, his mouth comically open.

“It was great meeting you all,” Jamie said, “but I think it’s best I go.”

And then the door opened and Ekaterin walked in with Nikki. “Surprise!” Nikki bellowed.

**

**Paris – Elayne Vorlessi’s Apartment**

“It’s not funny, Ma,” Jamie said while Eve tried to control her laughter; it was hurting her chest. She, Marie and Elayne sat around the console, listening to the entertaining episode while Jamie looked mortified. Jamie explained he was introduced to the Countess and her son but insisted he had to go. “I had to get out of there. I’d caused enough trouble.”

“It’s not your fault.” Eve said. “It had to come out sooner or later.”

Marie snorted a laugh. “That’s been coming out for months. All those rumours were true then. My God. All go at the Vorpatrils. Jamie, don’t dwell on it.”

“Marie’s right,” Eve said. “You just got caught in the crossfire. That happens in big families. Look at the drama always going on in your friends’ families.”

“Look at_ my_ family,” Marie said. “My mother disowns me so many times I can’t keep up. I have to call to check.” 

“You’re still currently disowned,” Elayne said, “Mama remembered she doesn’t approve of Bash.”

“Oh yeah,” Marie grinned.

Jamie laughed, his green eyes finally brightening as they all tried to soothe him. They knew it wouldn’t be long before Jamie stopped worrying but he tended to feel things sharply before rapidly reaching a calmer place. “They’re cousins,” Jamie said, “is that a thing on Barrayar?”

Eve shrugged. “Not as much now; it’s frowned upon in a lot of districts but it’s not as if there are genetic issues what with URs and they’re both adults. I wonder how serious it is.” She also wondered how the ambassador felt about it. Not that it was any of her concern how he was handling another family issue. “He’s a stunner that Pax, eh?”

Jamie’s eyes widened. “Good God, it was really hard not to stare. I’m glad you warned me. I looked at his pictures beforehand. Didn’t desensitise me much but the kids are _all_ beauties. We don’t look like siblings.”

“And you’re the only one that really looks like their father,” Marie said bluntly. “What? It’s the truth.”

Eve hoped that wouldn’t be an issue with the kids. “It sounds like it went well apart from that, sweetheart,” she said hoping to encourage him more on that topic.

Jamie had nothing but warm things to say about the siblings and even though Moira was frosty Jamie said he understood her wariness and could tell she was very protective over her family. He liked her honesty. She was biding her time. Count Vorkosigan was funny and more down to earth than he had expected.

“He and Allie asked about your health,” Jamie said with a smile which faded suddenly. “The ambassador said that Anton’s confused about you, and so he’s had to pull him from the academy which is a shame.”

Eve kicked Marie’s ankle and Marie coughed instead of saying whatever it was she was going to blurt out. What the ambassador had done made sense but the timing was awful.

“Does he want a refund?” Eve asked to mask her reaction.

Jamie laughed. “He never said.” He sighed. “I wish I hadn’t noticed so much especially those bloody tattoos. I only saw them for a second when they hung their coats up. This is your fault,” he said ruefully. “Teaching me to be observant.”

“Guilty,” she said but she hurt for him. She could hear the strain in his voice.

“Are you coming home or do I have to fetch you?”

“I’ll be home tomorrow.” She wasn’t going to leave it longer. No matter what her medic said. Her boy needed her.

“You looking after her?” Jamie asked Marie.

“Yes, yes, don’t you worry. We’re making sure my sister doesn’t spike her drink again.”

“Oh!” Elayne said mortified. “I never did, Jamie, honest. It was a mistake.”

Jamie laughed. “I know. And I know you’ll make sure she listens to the medic.”

“Damn spies,” Eve said looking at the Vorlessi sisters but she was damn grateful to them. They’d done what she asked without protest.

The story Eve told her family was that after rushing to Paris with Marie to comfort her sister Elayne, distraught due to the latest relationship kerfuffle, they’d gone out and Elayne had accidentally given Eve her own drink causing Eve to be sick, black out and fall down some stairs. Eve’s father believed it because he still thought of Elayne as flaky, and Eve had to be careful with her alcohol consumption because of her quirky body. The truth was the nausea and vomiting happened during and post- interrogation when she’d also blacked out and smashed her head on the floor. Eve had compartmentalised the interrogation because she had no choice and because she couldn’t face thinking about the consequences. Not yet. But at least her heart hadn’t stopped.

“So when are you next seeing your father?” Eve asked.

“In the morning.” The Ambassador had walked Jamie out and apologised for the abrupt end to the evening. “I’m glad he didn’t try and force me to make nice with the new arrivals. We’re going for a swim. They have a pool at their home and he swims there every morning before work.” Jamie bit his lip. “She didn’t sound upset about the relationship; I think it was other things.”

“Who?”

“Allie. Padma’s sister.”

“Your sister too,” Eve pointed out gently. Jamie let out a more strained laugh. “Yeah.”

After the call Elayne breathed a sigh of relief. “He hasn’t seen it. At least there’s that. If he’d seen it he’d of said.”

“Maybe you should tell him, Eve,” Marie said.

The gossip about Jamie and Eve had hit the Barrayaran gossip net with a vengeance and it was more brutal than any of them had expected. Eve had warned Jamie there would be vicious gossip but she wasn’t going to force him to see it sooner than he had to not while he was getting to know his father and her father had promised not to show him. Eve shook her head. “No. Not yet.”

**

**London **

Eve first went to The Troll Club, since Jamie was at work, and straight to her old room at the back which Marcus refused to change. No matter who he left to manage the club it was a room out of bounds and only he and Eve had the key. It had a tiny kitchenette and a double bed with her favourite blue and green blankets; worn down over the years but she refused to get rid of them just as Marcus refused to redecorate or change a thing.

Marcus, Eve’s deeply suspicious father, knew something was up. He embraced her carefully and looked her over. His large, meaty hand touched the healing bandage above her right eye. He grunted. “You look terrible.”

“Thanks, Da.”

“Your face is thin. No colour.”

“And yet my hips are still fat,” Eve said with an exaggerated sigh. “Da, I’m fine. It’s been hard to keep food down but I’m alright now. I have to eat in small amounts though still for a couple of days. But I haven’t vomited for two days now. All is well.” Her head and chest still ached and she suffered from odd vertigo episodes but they were fading. 

“I know you are keeping something from me,” Marcus said.

And because she’d never been that good at lying to him she knew what would happen. She nodded.

“It is to do with that Auditor, yes?” he asked, already tensing for battle; the redone bright blue tattoos on his bald head frowning at her. Eve didn’t know what those patterns meant; something personal to her father though and she didn’t need to know more.

“I got fired,” Eve said, saying out loud what she hadn’t been able to say to her friends; her voice cracked and then she was sat on her father’s lap sobbing, startling even herself as, in between blowing her nose and wiping her eyes, she told her father that she’d resigned but that she’d had no choice. Her father assumed this had happened in her pseudo interview before she flew to Paris and for him it completely explained Eve’s lapse of judgement of downing any drink without her usual test sip first.

“I know you never liked what I did but I did, Da. It’s the only thing I’m good at.”

Marcus gave a derisive snort. “They made you think that but – ” he held up a hand. “I understand what you have lost. I understand loss.” And for once he didn’t rant about Illyan stealing her life but let her ramble and weep. “It’s the meds making me cry.”

Marcus nodded and deftly placed her on the bed, plumping up her pillows how she liked.

“I’m just going to rest here for a short while then I really have to get home,” Eve said.

Marcus left but returned with a sliver of cake and small hot chocolate. He gave a sheepish look at Eve’s protest at the tiny portions. “Marie sent me the treatment plan the medic gave you.”

“How nice of her,” Eve said, “I must thank her when I see her.” Eve demolished both very quickly. 

Marcus smiled and patted her arm. “Just a few days of this and you will be back to normal.”

Eve sighed. “What is normal?”

Marcus cleared his throat. “You know, you kept putting it off,” Marcus said, “But you could have time to do that Phd now.”

“I can’t think about that right now. Just give me a couple of hours and I’ll be back to myself and then we can all have dinner this evening.” Eve curled up on the bed with the blankets. Marcus perched himself in the worn chair and leaned over to arrange the covers around her. She snuggled in. “I’m too old to be doing this.”

“Never too old. You are my girl. I am sorry,” Marcus said again. “Do you want to talk more?”

“No. I just want to rest here.”

She couldn’t tell Marcus what she’d been forced to reveal to Miles and which she’d never been able to face all these years - that on that Shion mission she’d fallen in love with Captain Ivan Vorpatril the moment she’d met him but knew it was doomed from the start_. If you tell him, I will kill you and I never want you to mention it to me again,_ Eve had said to Miles, having no qualms about threatening an auditor. Miles got his own back anyway by giving her the choice that was no choice. Oh she knew he hadn’t liked telling her she was fired but she couldn’t spare him any sympathy. Agent Blue had been frozen out of ImpSec. She was dead but Eve’s body wouldn’t give her dead; wouldn’t give her numb; it was like something had been ripped away from her that she was never going to get back. She grabbed her father’s arm. “Jamie can’t see me like this.”

“He won’t. You will be fine when we go to dinner.”

“Yes,” Eve said because she would have to be. “I will be fine…if you gave me more cake.”


	9. Ivan's Plans for Allie | Anton Has His Own Plan |

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Allie's little secret and...

**Vorpatril Residence**

Ivan extended his morning swims since not only Jamie joined him but Rohan too. It had been a long while since Rohan had done any form of sport regularly and Ivan was thrilled to have him there too. Rohan swam at his own sedate pace and didn’t join in any of the races but watched his father lose – not too badly. Ivan wasn’t anywhere close to Jamie’s ability but he was still fit enough to give him a real race. At least that’s what he kept telling himself. Jamie didn’t join them for breakfast after and Ivan didn’t push it after the last fiasco but he had lunch with him when he could. There were other reasons Ivan didn’t want to invite the boy around yet. Allie’s explosion at Pax had created a rift between the siblings and revealed to Ivan that he’d let some things go on too long. Ekaterin’s news from back home explained much too. Allie had been reluctant to talk about her explosion at Pax and appeared embarrassed by the whole episode.

“I sent Jamie an apology,” Allie said, “and I’m meeting him for a drink. I think it’s better he deal with us in small doses. So that’s that.”

_That’s that_ – Allie’s way of telling him the conversation was over.

So after leaving it for a couple of days Ivan decided it was time and went to Allie’s rooms after putting Anton to bed. She was on the same floor, had her own suite but she didn’t spend much time there. Ivan wished he’d been able to ambush her in the morning rather than the evening but Allie, lately, was not a morning person. How Ivan had become one baffled him. 

Allie, much to his amusement, insisted on treating her father like a guest every time he visited, sitting him in her favourite armchair in the small living room and giving him a coffee and a plate of desserts he had no intention of eating at this time of night.

“So,” said Ivan, as Allie seated herself on the floor cushion, “have you made up with Pax yet?”

Allie stiffened. “He’s not contacted me. I don’t even know if he’s still in London.”

“I see.”

“Do you remember the hard time he gave me when he found out about my betrothal? Because he found out last? That was _one day_ after everyone else because he was on tour but it’s alright for _him _to outright lie for months?”

“Pax and Alex lied because they were still deciding how to tell us all but you’re right they shouldn’t have left it so long.” The fact that the families were more upset about the lying than the relationship had actually helped. Ekaterin had framed it beautifully by asking if they thought they were going to be disowned or something worse otherwise she couldn’t understand why they’d behaved with such immaturity. More came out than Ivan would have liked though. He didn’t need to know that Pax had pursued Alex and that it had been Alex that insisted they couldn’t rush into anything or that they had some kind an open arrangement option. Ekaterin changed the subject by revealing that Tej had wondered if Pax’s crush on Alex, when he was younger, would ever cause problems which led to much laughter for Alex and much denial for Pax.

“Everyone lies to protect people. Just like you have lied to me about Daniel.” She flinched and looked away. “Yes, I know about the training accident and that he’ll be back on Barrayar very soon and then he’ll be riding a desk for a while.”

Allie stood. “It’s not – I didn’t lie. I just – there was never the right time to tell you.”

“Since I’ve not seen you make any preparations, I’m giving you four days to get things in order and leave for Barrayar.”

Allie let out an incredulous laugh. “Da! I can’t! Not with all that’s going on. You need me here.”

_I will always need you. _Ivan sighed as he stood. “Don’t you want to be with Daniel?”

“Of course but –“

“But nothing. Listen to me, Allie. We didn’t have you children so you could live my life or your mother’s. You have your own lives. I’ve let it go on too long you being here and putting your own life on hold.”

“Oh, Da it’s not been like that.”

“Maybe not completely but I know you’ve been stifled here with your project ideas. Things you could pursue better without the embassy regs.”

Allie laughed, tears in her eyes. “You don’t miss anything do you?”

“I’m glad you think that,” Ivan said dryly. “Allie, it’s important not to waste time. That goes for all of you including Pax.”

Allie shook her head. “I know his career is important but he hardly spends any time here. Anton was so upset by Pax shouting at him he’s not let it go and I know why - it’s because Pax is practically a stranger to him.”

She was exaggerating but Ivan knew what she meant. After the Ether-Tak Swan Lake tour Pax’s career had rocketed, and not long after that Tej died and Pax never stopped working. The last year things had been better; Ivan heard from him a lot more and he did spend his breaks with them but for Allie it wouldn’t be enough. Pax had changed in a way she couldn’t understand and she and Pax were no longer as close as they used to be. Allie had changed too but she didn’t see it. “Pax has agreed to spend the summer with us on Barrayar,” Ivan said. Ivan would make the most of whatever time Pax gave him. “That’s good isn’t it? Please talk to him, for me?” Ivan asked. 

“Alright. I’ll clear the air before I go. I still think he’s become quite selfish, Da. But four days is too short. I can’t leave in four days!”

“You’re going. I know how organised you are and that you could handover your work easily.”

“It’s not just the work and Daniel doesn’t arrive for seventeen days anyway. Give me that at least.”

Ivan shook his head.

She laughed. “Alright ten days. I’ll book it for then.”

Ivan grinned. “That’s fine. I agree and I’ve already booked it.”

“What?” Her hands went to her hips. “You already – oh, Da!”

**

**Jamie's Academy**

She had almost two days of something resembling normal and then Eve received two messages from the emperor and Allegre neither of which condemned her but thanked her for her service and they mentioned the legacy she left specifically mentioning her training programmes. It wasn’t what she expected and God she wished she wasn’t feeling so damn fragile. It took her a long while before she could send a coherent response. Something had been stripped from her, not just her job, and she was having a hard time getting herself back. She was beginning to wish her heart _had _stopped. That recovery had been easier. Anything was better than this.

“I’m tired of feeling so raw,” she told the punchbag. She sat on the floor staring at it as she warmed down. She’d had to reduce her exercise sessions bit her strength was coming back. She’d done less today because she was taking a class. She showered, changed and Sky greeted her outside the gym with a frown. “Are you sure you want to work today?”

“With you and Abdul assisting I’ll be fine. I need to get back into this. What?”

“Nothing, just you may want to think about,” Sky tapped her cheeks, “adding some make-up to give you some colour. So you look less ghostly.”

“Thanks for the tip.”

Sky grinned. “Anytime. Oh well, we have an issue. Guess. Go on.”

Eve’s heart sank. “A Vorpatril?”

Sky threw her head back and laughed. “Yep! But one we’ve met before. You have to hear this. It’s a corker. Hey do we have to call Jamie a lord now because that would be so funny. Jamie – a lord!” Jamie’s friends all found the whole thing amusing. Long may that last. Eve left Sky chuckling as she went to warm up for the class and Eve diverted to the visitor’s room.

“Hello Eve!” Anton said brightly.

“Hey, Anton.” Eve looked at Anton’s stocky guard and he gave her a strained smile.

“Madam Sorrentti, I’m sorry to disturb you but Lord Anton said he’s left some items here.”

Eve looked down at Anton. “I can check but I’m quite sure you’ve not left anything.”

Anton smiled. “Alright. But I’m here so I can take the class. I got my kit.” He opened his school bag and pulled it out.

The guard was struggling now to hide his distress. “Lord Anton, we agreed you would go straight home. Remember?”

Anton looked up at him. “But I haven’t left anything, Franz, and I’m here now and I have my kit,” Anton repeated, as if he was explaining it to an even younger child.

“Does your father know you’re here?” Eve asked. 

Anton blushed, shrugged and looked down. “I don’t know.”

Just perfect. “We were told you’re not coming to the classes at the moment so I’ll have to check with your father. I can’t put you in the class until I speak to him. Why don’t you take a seat here while we contact him?”

“He’s busy,” Anton said. “You shouldn’t call him at work. Is Tomas here?” He narrowed his eyes at the viewing glass but it was blank. Eve wasn’t about to activate it and torture the poor boy. “Can I say hello to Tomas. Tomas is my friend,” he said.

Eve explained again that she couldn’t let him in the class without his father’s permission. “We don’t have to call your father since he’s busy; we can call you sister or you could go home now and speak to your father when he gets home?”

Anton shook his head. Eve knew that look. The stubborn, immovable child. Eve wasn’t going to even try.

“Alright,” Eve said and turned to the guard. Franz contacted Lady Allie while Anton sat on the chair swinging his legs with the most woebegone look on his face but he still refused to leave when Eve hinted again about going home. Eve gave him a drink and the guard refused the coffee but stayed by his charge. Eve wondered how much experience this guard had with children and how Anton had persuaded him to come. Anton became genuinely distressed when she was about to leave so she stayed and let her colleagues take the class without her. He wouldn’t pack his kit away so Eve let it stay there on his lap.

“Jamie’s my brother,” Anton said slowly.

Eve nodded. “That’s right.”

“Dada said you’re Jamie’s Mama, not my Mama?”

Shocked by this Eve took a few seconds to answer. “Yes, that’s right. Your Dada will choose your Mama and she will choose your Dada.”

“Oh!” Anton said as if this was completely new information. “Can’t I choose my Mama?”

“It doesn’t really work that way, no. Your Mama was a great dancer I hear and very smart.”

“Yes but some people have two Mamas.”

“Yes they do. And I’m sure if you get another Mama your Da will make another great choice.”

Anton’s face scrunched up. “And she’ll play with me. I should tell Dada to make sure she can play games. Do you play games?”

God this kid was tricky. Eve smiled. “Lots of people do. What games do you play with your family?”

His face fell in the most heart breaking way but Eve stayed steady. “Moira said she’s too old for stupid games but that’s cos Allie said she’s a moody teenager and she says I’m a kid. No one wants to play with kids.”

“But I’m sure your Dada plays with you?” Eve guessed.

“After work sometimes.” Anton nodded his head vigorously and appeared to brighten at this. “Anjelica sometimes and Tomas sometimes at his house and Allie plays with me_ after_ I’ve done my homework,” his face fell again, “but Allie’s going away and Pax doesn’t like me and Moira said Jamie will put me in his orphanages if he doesn’t like me so I don’t like him and it’s not fair I didn’t get to go swimming with Dada and Rohan went swimming… ” Eve had no idea what half of what Anton meant but he was sobbing by the end of it and repeating himself. She managed to calm him down with Franz watching her every moment, and told Anton that Jamie would never take him away from his family.

She stroked back Anton’s curls after handing him a tissue. “Those children’s homes are for children without parents to look after them.” There was no need to explain that they weren’t really orphanages; that would just upset him further. “You have your Dada and I know your brothers and sisters would never let anyone take you away. I’m sure your sister was just joking with you, and Jamie would never hurt you like that. He’s always talking about what a great person you are and how happy he is that he has you as a brother.” It was a lie but it was the kind of thing Jamie would say. “I think you need to tell your Dada what you told me. About what’s making you sad.”

“But I did.” Anton rubbed his snot across his face.

It was the ambassador himself who came to pick him up. He looked surprised to see her but recovered quickly to a quite accusing look before lifting Anton into his arms. Eve regretted cleaning up Anton’s face. She should’ve left it for Anton to rub over his da’s clothes. 

“What is going on here?” he asked.

“Anton has some things to tell you.” Eve looked across at Franz. “Franz could fill you in since I’m sure you don’t want to hear my version.” The ambassador froze for a moment but turned and handed Anton over to Franz. He kissed Anton’s head, spoke to Franz briefly, and whispered to Anton for a while. Anton’s face brightened and he nodded his head before waving at Eve. “Bye, Eve thank you for letting me stay.”

“You’re welcome, Anton.”

They left the room and the ambassador asked what had happened so Eve repeated what Anton had said. “I’m sure he’s misunderstood things unfortunately it burst out of him here today. He’s feeling left out.” He did that stare again and she looked away and paced in a circle. “I’m not saying he _is_ left out but he’s feeling it. He also seems to have an odd idea about his ah – relationship to me because I’m Jamie’s mother.” She stopped pacing. “Ah so you know about that? Well I cleared that up and he seems to understand. But the less he sees of me the better until he’s clearer about the situation. I agree with that.”

He frowned. “I wasn’t asking for your approval.”

“And yet you have it,” she said. He wasn’t leaving. Why wasn’t he leaving? “So what are you doing here? I’m sure there are people in your authorised list who would’ve been able to talk to Anton. I mean you do still have a job right? It’s not just a superficial title.” He opened his mouth but she answered herself. “I know what it is. The sooner you have a go at me about Jamie the better. May stop you looking so stiff and buttoned up.” Eve should’ve left it at that. He looked like he was going to rage about that and a rage would be good to finally have this conversation but she couldn’t help add, “Jamie loves you already.”

He took a step back as if her words had hit him. “I would’ve loved him from the start.”

“I know you would’ve tried.” Eve swallowed and it hurt her throat. It all hurt. “But your love wouldn’t have been enough and neither would’ve mine.”

Discomfited by the emotions flashing across his face she walked over to where Anton had been sitting and noticed he’d left his kit. She folded it up. “I wanted to keep Jamie safe from all the conflict and there was only one way to do it.”

“What conflict?”

“You’ve already seen it; in the gossip about me. Our worlds don’t mesh.”

“That’s just filthy gossip. What does that have to do with anything?”

She walked over and handed him Anton’s kit, taking care not to touch him. The ambassador took it from her but kept his eyes on her. She moved away again to tidy up where Anton had left his empty cup and she began cleaning the small spillage. “It’s more than that,” Eve said. “You’re very naïve if you don’t think him hearing all this as a child wouldn’t have screwed with his identity and corrupted his life choices. Do you know how hard it is to be yourself when that’s what you hear? I had to keep him safe from that.”

She turned back now. He was stunned but Eve wasn’t sure which part of what she’d said had done it. “I can’t do this now. Not right now.” He stared at her hard. “Are you – are you alright?”

“What?”

“Are you well?”

She remembered then how dreadful she looked and she stood straighter. “I’m fine. Perfectly well. I am stronger than I look.”

“Yes,” was all he said. He nodded, gave her a formal bow and left.


	10. Gossip, Gossip, Gossip | Jamie Is Not Happy (And Neither is Anyone Else)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The gossip hits the fan. Jamie confronts his father

It all seemed to happen at once but really it had been brewing for days. The Barrayaran gossip became the gossip stream of the week. Everyone was talking about it. It wasn’t Eve that had triggered it but Jamie Sorrentti, the ex-championship freestyle swimmer discovered to be a lord’s son. Vids of Jamie’s nude charity swim events were a highlight - Jamie wouldn’t care about that, and all about his mother – which Jamie definitely cared about. Jamie, the bastard born of a bastard, was Lady Alys’s grandson and what a grandson! And what a mother! Eve’s own mother was no longer a singing waitress but ‘rumoured’ to have been a whore. Apparently the truth that Eve’s mother had got knocked-up by a galactic tourist she’d fallen in love with was too boring. It wasn’t enough that Eve was born in the dirt poor part of the Caravanserai, no, there were ‘rumours’ she was raised in a brothel by her – so the rumour went – whore aunt and there were whispers that Eve was still unstable after her Betan Ten trauma.

The only truth in all the dirt was that Eve had been illiterate before Marcus had found her and adopted her. The gossip they were salivating over was based on a poisonous article written by an ex-employee of Eve’s father. It was over thirty years old that article but it didn’t matter. The gossip streams with their ‘rumours’ and no smoke without fire patter, painted a picture of an unstable woman unfit to be around anyone, let alone children especially with that dubious pedigree. You could always tell it was Barrayaran gossip when they would talk about pedigree and Eve had none. And to cap it all off they gushed over Ambassador Vorpatril withdrawing his son from the academy. Then the calls came in. By the end of the morning the academy had lost 70% of its clients. There were other calls too – a mixture of support and anonymous (so they thought) abusive messages.

Marie warned Eve that Christoph had seen the gossip too and had contacted her since Eve had blocked him from all her comms. “I told him to go to hell,” Marie said, she’d never liked Eve’s ex and really that should have been enough of a glaring sign to Eve that her on and off thing with Chris needed to end sooner than it had. “He said someone should have told him about Jamie’s father,” Marie said rolling her eyes, “he left his contact info if-“ Eve was already shaking her head. The last thing she needed was Chris’s critique; the last thing Jamie needed was his drama. Yes, he could go to hell. Could this day get any worse?

Jamie, out on his day off, had sent Eve a short message that he’d seen the streams and he’d be over in the evening but first he was going to confront his father. Eve tried repeatedly to speak to him but he wouldn’t answer.

“Jamie, speak to me first before you see you father. Please.” But Jamie ignored her message.

**

**Vorpatril Residence**

Ivan went through the menu with Anjelica. It was an excuse to leave the living room. Anjelica knew all about the guests’ diets and was unflustered about catering for more people but she knew the Ambassador well and humoured Ivan as he checked the dishes. Anton rushed in and hovered around Ivan’s legs.

“She keeps kissing me,” he complained wrinkling his nose.

Ivan ruffled Anton’s curls. “She’s happy to see you. So I hear you’re going out with Pax and Alex later.”

“Aren’t you coming?” he asked.

Ivan’s heart sank. “No, it’s just going to be you boys together.”

“I want you to come,” Anton said, moving closer.

Ivan had had a long chat with Anton and corrected a few of his misunderstandings. But Allie had been more right than Ivan suspected. Pax shouting at Anton had hurt him. Moira shouted at Anton all the time but Anton was so used to it he would wind Moira up by calling her a moody teenager; after hearing Allie say it, it was Anton’s favourite dig at Moira as it annoyed her. Pax was different though. Pax rarely raised his voice at his youngest brother. A brother he’d not seen much these days. Pax had felt it when his little brother hardly spoke to him and no longer rushed to his side so he was trying to spend time with Anton; Anton’s reluctance had shocked him. 

“I can’t because Pax especially asked to have you to himself,” Ivan said. “He missed you a lot and you are going to be having far too much fun eating dessert and playing mini-golf, you won’t even notice I’m not there.”

Anton perked up at the mention of mini-golf and Anjelica beautifully timed giving Anton a small berry pastry to check if it was sweet enough.

“What is it?” Ivan asked at the security chime in his ear. 

Jamie was downstairs insisting on speaking to the ambassador and appeared agitated. Ivan told them to send him up and made it clear that in future Jamie was to be escorted up without screening. He would speak to his security later but now had other problems. Ivan returned to the living room and announced Jamie would be arriving to speak to him and if anyone had any revelations could they keep it to themselves for now. The kids groaned at that.

Ivan met Jamie at the door. It was strange to see him without that ready smile. He was clad in loose sport pants and a t-shirt and stared at Ivan in his house uniform.

“M’mother likes formal dress for dinner,” Ivan whispered. “She arrived today. Let me introduce you to her and my stepfather and then we can talk I promise.” Ivan was not going to face the wrath of his mother if he spirited her new grandson away before she was introduced. Jamie nodded to everyone else he’d already met and shook the outstretch hand of Lady Alys who didn’t rise and of Simon Illyan who shook his hand more vigorously and was so obviously pleased to meet him that Jamie smiled. Lady Alys opened her mouth but Jamie turned to Ivan.

“I need to talk. I’m sorry I can’t stay long. I need to get back to my mother.” His hand shook as he held out the small console. “Have you seen this? Did you know about this?”

Ivan took the console and asked Jamie to follow him to his study while all eyes bored into them. Jamie refused to sit down so after shutting the door Ivan remained standing too.

“It’s sick.” Jamie shook his head. “What they’re saying about my Ma. And the language they’re using it’s archaic.” Ivan didn’t need to read much to get the gist. He’d seen some of it before. “Did you have anything to do with this?” Jamie asked.

“Of course not, if your mother thinks I would –”

“No.” He shook his head. “I mean I’ve not talked to her about it yet but I know you hate her. Don’t look surprised. Ma said that it doesn’t matter if you hate her. She said she understands that; said she’d hate anyone who kept her son away from her no matter the reasons. Maybe one of your reasons is her background. How do I know it isn’t? I know you don’t like me talking about her and you never mention her and I know you’ve not talked to her.”

Ivan put the console down on his desk, walked over and gripped Jamie’s arms with both his hands. “I would never do this. Never. I don’t hate your mother; it’s more complicated than that and whatever my feelings they have nothing to do with her childhood. I have spoken to her briefly and we will talk again.” He was surprised she hadn’t mentioned to her son that they’d talked and now he’d spoken to her he knew he needed to talk to her again. “I would never do something like this, Jamie, not just because it’s crass and vile but because it would hurt you.”

Jamie let out a strained laugh. “That sounds honest I suppose. What about the rest of your family? I’m not stupid. I can tell most of them aren’t happy about me being here.”

“No,” Ivan said, taken back by the question. “You don’t understand. We’ve been through things like this before too. We would never do this to anyone and as for my family they haven’t all got to know you yet. Give them a chance. Don’t judge them by this. Those people don’t represent all of Barrayar.” He swallowed. “Doesn’t your mother see herself as Barrayaran?”

Ivan wasn’t sure if the words hit home. Jamie’s eyes were vague; the boy was still reeling. He walked away from Ivan’s grip. “Do you know where all this mud has come from?” Jamie asked, not waiting for a response. “An ex-employee of my grandad’s found out who my Ma was. That she was one of the Betan Ten and because he couldn’t blackmail them and got fired he wrote that article. Ma lost her anonymity and he made money off her life! She was only a kid then. But what if all that crap was true? Her mother wasn’t a whore and she wasn’t raised in a brothel but what if she was? It shouldn’t matter!” He stared at Ivan. “It would mean she’s even more remarkable but not to these people. Making out she’s not fit to breathe the same air as anyone because of what was done to her and all this crap that she’s too unstable to be around kids? It’s all bullshit! And all this_ bastard_ stuff. You all really care about that?”

“People do when it suits them,” Ivan admitted, he looked Jamie in the eye. “I don’t. You’re my son and that’s the beginning and end of it.”

Jamie smiled briefly. “But others don’t think that do they?” He took the console from the desk. “Look I ah I’m going to be busy for the next few days because of work.” Ivan had strange flashbacks of being dumped and dumping his exes. “Things aren’t good at work – I have to – there are some things I need to sort out. I’ll call you when I can meet again. I have to go and talk to Ma now.”

“Jamie, it will blow over but maybe there’s something I can do. Can we talk about this?”

“I need to go,” Jamie repeated. “Ma called and I need to see her now.”

Ivan didn’t pursue it; his concern for his mother was on his mind and that Ivan understood but on the way out they bumped into Anton. Ivan flinched. That boy’s timing was abominable but Jamie crouched down and smiled.

“Anton! How have you been? And what’s this I hear about you visiting the academy and not saying hello to me.”

“Oh!” Anton blushed.

“It’s alright. I forgive you and I forgot to give you this anyway.” He handed Anton a small card flashing the academy logo. “I don’t give these out to just anyone. It has my contact codes. So you can send me those pictures you made. I’ve not seen any yet and I have to go home now.” He kissed Anton’s forehead and embraced him.

“We’re going to play mini-golf, you could come?” Anton asked and looked up at his father. “Couldn’t he, Dada?”

“No, sorry I can’t,” Jamie said, saving Ivan from dealing with that issue. “I’d love to but I’ve got some boring, personal, adult things I have to do. Are you going to walk me out?” He took Anton’s hand as he stood.

Anton and Ivan walked Jamie out to the front door with Anton providing most of the conversation –his doubts about Jamie permanently erased. Ivan embraced Jamie hard before letting him go trying to communicate more than he could say. There was something the boy wasn’t telling him. Ivan sent Anton back up and then ripped into his security on their overzealous treatment of his eldest son. Ivan made a call on the way up, taking the stairs to give him more time. “Artem, I need to know what’s going on at Jamie’s Academy.”

By the time Ivan walked back into the room he knew what had added to Jamie’s upset; everyone asked him what had happened but as soon as his mother rose they all fell silent. “We will speak to you in private.” And Ivan feeling like a child again, followed his mother and Simon into his study.


	11. Gossip After-Effects | Jamie's Life in the Past

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Vorpatrils and Vorkosigans discuss Jamie

**Jamie's Apartment**

“That’s the last of the refunds,” Jamie said. He rubbed the back of his neck and stared at the figures on his console.

It was very late and Eve hadn’t been able to talk Jamie out of processing the refunds that night. She pointed out that the progress they had made with some of those children, including some quite difficult ones, would likely lead to their return. “But your way is fine too, if they come back you can put the prices up. They can afford it.”

Jamie let out a laugh. “Ma. I like the way you think.”

Jamie’s friends and the staff were appalled at what had been said about Jamie and Eve. They knew about Eve’s real history. Eve disclosed it at the beginning just as the parents of the children knew it too. It was the portrayal of her as an unstable, uneducated woman that riled them. Eve tried to explain that politics was involved; anyone with a gripe against the Vorpatrils would be making the most of this. And that withdrawing the children was more because those diplomats didn’t want to piss off Ambassador Vorpatril. Eve knew though that even though the ambassador was withdrawing Anton was out of genuine concern for his son, it could also be because he now knew about Eve’s background. She didn’t believe for a moment he believed the gossip; he would have access to her files – the truth for some Vors would be bad enough. But she had to be fair.

“This isn’t your father’s fault,” Eve said. “Anton was very confused about me and after what happened at your family debut I think Anton’s been a little tender. Your father made the right decision keeping him away – it’s just had a temporary side effect.”

Jamie stared. “_Side effect?_ That’s an understatement and a half.” 

“Yes and you’ll weather it. Look you have funds for all your summer camp work this year and enough of a buffer. We’ll break up for the summer soon and you still have the extra rent from that – they’ve not cancelled, and next year I bet we’ll have more kids. We did talk about the erratic nature of the diplomatic families and this has been a good test.”

Jamie admitted this was true. It was why Eve said if he didn’t want to use Eve’s money he had to not only have enough in place for capricious circumstances and disasters, which Jamie always did, but to prepare for a different kind of disaster and a different kind of politics with these children. Eve hated that she’d been proved right so soon. 

“Anders and the gang are all trying to burn the gossip sites and filling it with the real truth about you.”

Eve sighed. “It’s very sweet of them.”

“But you don’t think it will make a difference.”

Eve shook her head. “Not in my experience. In my experience, getting on with your life is the only way to deal with it. I used to try and defend myself against these things but I got tired of it when I realised people will believe what they want. Not what’s truth. So why didn’t you tell your father about the academy?”

“I just – this isn’t his business. Like you said, it’s other people’s perceptions of what happened and not for him to deal with.” Jamie linked her arm and rested his head on hers. “We can deal with it.”

“Well as long as you don’t blame him for this.”

“How come you’re so sure about him, Ma?” He moved to look her in the eyes. “You’ve not had contact with him for years.”

_Yes, Eve why are you so damn sure about this? _

“I don’t have a reason to blame him for anything. If I found out otherwise believe me he wouldn’t know what hit him. But I’ve kept an eye on him for your sake and stoking this gossip would go against his character. When he finds out what’s happened to the academy I won’t be surprised if he offers to help you in some way and I want you to hear him out. It’s up to you what you do.” She kissed his cheek. "You have good instincts.”

“He said he doesn’t hate you,” Jamie said and Eve’s heart flipped.

“What?”

Jamie repeated what his father had said. “Why didn’t you tell me you two talked? Did he say something to upset you?”

She squeezed his arm. “No. We only talked a little. When he’s ready we’ll talk some more.” She was more ambivalent about that now she didn’t know what to expect. The Ambassador asking about her health had caught her off guard. She’d been prepared for many things but not that. Jamie looked into the distance and Eve knew what was coming.

“This is what it would’ve been like wouldn’t it?” Jamie asked quietly. “If I grew up on Barrayar. I wouldn’t have been accepted just because he’s my father. For some people that makes it worse. I know I said I understood before why you kept me away from my father but I really get it now.” Sometimes she wished he was slower to grasp these things. But she could see it. Him turning it over in his head as she had done over and over what his life would be like there if people knew his paternity. “Are you still going to Barrayar in the summer?” he asked. “After this?”

“Yes I am.” Jamie would be staying on Earth working at his summer camps and for Eve going to Barrayar, something she planned before all this, it was even more important to stick to her plans. “Jamie, Barrayar is more than this; Marie and Elayne are Barrayaran and so am I and so is your grandfather.”

“He _hates _Barrayar.”

Eve smiled. “Yes but he’ll be the first to defend her to anyone who attacks her. These gossips are a small part of Barrayar and there isn’t a planet in the galaxy that doesn’t have the equivalent. I am definitely going to Barrayar.” Marie was going with her to explore new tourist destinations in the South Continent, and Eve was going to do research in the museums and libraries there. She'd already made some promising contacts. “We know there’s a lot of ugliness about Barrayar, we don’t shy away from it but there is also a lot to love.” She cupped his face in her hands. “I don’t expect you to love what I love or understand but give Barrayar a chance.”

He smiled. “I’ll take you as my true example of Barrayar, Ma so I know I’ll find more to love.”

**

**Vorpatril Residence**

Ivan watched his mother settle herself on the chair and arrange her light matching blue shawl around her shoulders before digging her eyes into her son. “This should not have blindsided you as much as it has, Ivan. What did you think removing Anton from that academy would do? I understand why you did it but it has only added to this scandal. I can only think you’ve been too distracted by this Jamie – what kind of name is that? Well I suppose we can’t do anything about his name.”

Scandal. That was the word his mother kept using. She wasn’t concerned about Jamie losing those children but that it added to the gossip. But his mother did have a point. He had made Jamie’s life worse by what he had done. Most of those children at the academy were children of diplomats from places wanting to do business with the Imperium. On the one hand it showed their hand so eager to support the Imperium; the Department wanted a full list of which children had been withdrawn and which had stayed. When they advised him not to send Anton back to the academy, Ivan recorded a blistering response but didn’t send it. When it came to his children Ivan would do what he damn well wanted.

“As awful as this is, Ivan at least she didn’t try to marry you.”

Ivan recalled her words at the academy. “I don’t believe she ever considered that an option.” Never considered me an option, he thought. How much of their short time together had she remembered? 

“But you would have.” She took Ivan’s silence as an affirmative and didn’t hide her disappointment. “Yes, I can imagine you would think it was a matter of honour to marry her, never mind that marrying a girl like her would wreck your life, your standing, your career. There are other ways to handle these situations, Ivan. I don’t agree with her keeping Jamie a secret but we could have dealt with her in other ways.”

“She’s his mother,” Ivan said.

“And a mother makes sacrifices for her children,” she snapped back. “Barrayar is changing, Ivan but it hasn’t changed that much yet and thirty years ago something like this would have different consequences. Think about that before you imagine your idyllic scenario on a marriage like this that would have made you miserable and changed your life irrevocably. Even without marriage having her in his life – Ivan, you must be able to see it.”

He hadn’t told her how long he looked for Jamie’s mother after she’d left the hotel. He hadn’t told anyone about her. If only he’d stowed his embarrassment at knowing so little about her and asked around.

“Well never mind that,” she said, without the edge in her tone. She searched his face. “It’s done. We have to deal with the present. Now we have to think about how to make this right.”

“I agree,” Simon said, “everyone’s been affected.” Most of Simon’s responses were ambiguous. Ivan thought he was imagining things until he caught his mother throw Simon a frosty glance and Simon looking amused. Miles was arranging for Simon to see Jamie’s mother but Ivan didn’t know if his own mother knew of her agent status. Miles thought it wasn’t unlikely considering her security rating which she still had - age hadn’t diminished Lady Alys’s faculties. Ivan’s concern that the trip would wear Simon out wasn’t borne out; his parents hadn’t needed that long to recover at all. Ivan began to suspect they were candidates in one of Mark’s rejuvenation trials.

Anton was put to bed after dinner and Ivan returned as the children were leaving the table. They had had dinner in the dining room and stayed there to talk broadly about what had happened rather than the comfortable table in the kitchen. It wasn’t that Ivan disliked the dining room but having spent so much of his life at formal dinners Ivan and Tej had cultivated something else at home. Ivan gave in to his mother for evening dinners but every other meal would continue in the kitchen whether his mother liked it or not. 

“No, they can stay,” Ivan said, ignoring his mother’s stare. “They are going to have to deal with all of this as well.” They’d agreed to discuss solutions at dessert.

Moira quickly sat down again but for once wisely said nothing. Everyone else took their seats and Anjelica brought dessert and various drinks to the table before departing.

“Have you heard from Jamie?” Ekaterin asked, staring at the two large slices of chocolate cake Nikki had hefted on to his plate.

“What? There’s another chocolate cake right there.”

It was good to see someone enjoying their food. Ivan’s appetite had fled long ago. “I’ve not heard from Jamie and I’d rather not contact him again until I have a way to help. It’s not just him losing clients. It’s the abuse him and his mother are being subjected to.”

A silence fell over the table broken by Moira. “That’s not our fault.”

“He doesn’t know that and said as much,” Ivan said, and Pax gasped.

“He can’t think we would – we wouldn’t!” Pax said. Alex rested a hand on Pax’s and Ivan noted his mother’s look. Not disapproving but it was close to it. She’d yet to say anything to Ivan about Pax and Alex but Ivan knew it was coming. The fact that the gossips hadn’t yet latched on to it now it was out in the open was a miracle but the gossips were too busy with other news.

“I’ve told Jamie that it’s not us but he doesn’t know all of us yet. He made the valid point that he knows his arrival hasn’t been welcome to all of you.”

“I suppose he thinks his mother is blameless in this?” Alys asked.

“I don’t think she spread that gossip about herself,” Alex said.

“She may as well have, Alexander. If we’d known about Jamie from the start, all of this would’ve been dealt with years ago.”

\- Dealt with how? – Rohan asked. Ivan translated for his mother.

“People still would’ve gossiped,” Miles added.

“But it would be different,” Lady Alys insisted. “He could have been raised on Barrayar within the family. It would’ve given him protection. People would’ve seen him differently.”

Allie snorted a laugh. “I’m sorry, Grandmama but I don’t see how. People gossiped about us when we were children no matter how much you all tried to protect us from it. None of it was as bad as this though. I know she was wrong to hide Jamie but they’re saying she’s unfit to be around children because of something that happened to her when she was a child! And there’s no proof of that at all.”

“Well at least we know whose side you’re on,” Moira said.

“This isn’t about sides,” Allie said. “The gossip is disgusting and Jamie’s business is suffering because of it; even if Da hadn’t taken Anton out they’ve said enough things about Jamie’s mother to make anyone think Jamie’s mother is a danger.”

\- If this happened when Jamie was a baby would you have tried to take Jamie away from his mother? – Rohan asked Ivan.

“No,” Ivan said, appalled at the question. “Of course not.”

“Even if it would have been best for Jamie?” Alys asked. Ekaterin drew in a breath at that one and Rohan’s face froze. “I am not saying she should have been removed from his life completely.” Alys continued, “but enough for him to be raised right. He could’ve gone to the academy.” She said it as if it was an answer. Ivan felt a peculiar flash to exactly what it would’ve been like for his son. Jamie had told Ivan he’d looked into the military among many other professions, and known it wasn’t for him. Ivan and Tej had never forced any of their children to do anything against their interests, and Ivan would’ve done the same with Jamie. A cold knot tightened in his stomach. Jamie would be under a different kind of pressure and Jamie’s mother’s words hit him again: _if you don’t think him hearing all this as a child wouldn’t have screwed with his identity and corrupted his life choices…_

“Because the academy would’ve made him acceptable?” Alex asked, as if reading Ivan’s thoughts and Miles cleared his throat. Alex exchanged a glance with his parents but it was one of warmth.

“Have you seen that boy’s career?” Alys asked. “He hasn’t stuck with anything.” Ivan winced but to his relief Alex was unruffled. He'd obviously come out the other side of his career anxieties. 

“That’s true,” Alex said, “but he’s seen them all through. All his business ventures were launched, and he didn’t sell them on to just anyone. He still keeps in touch with ex-staff to make sure they’re being looked after. He got a lot of flak for ending his swimming career but he knew what he was doing. Without his mother’s support he said he’d probably be in a career that made him miserable. That I understand.”

“How do you know all this?” Moira asked.

“I met him for a drink with Da. I made the effort to get to know him, Moira.” Alex smiled broadly when she scowled at him.

“His academy funds the programmes he runs with the children’s homes,” Allie added. “He does these sporty summer camps with them and charges pittance for it.”

“Then it’s likely he’ll get bored of that too,” Alys said.

Allie nodded. “He said as much himself but if he does he’ll never leave until he’s handed it over to a team he trusts. He said it’s bad business otherwise and that his grandfather taught him that. Taught him a lot.”

“Uncle Ivan’s met his grandfather before,” Alex said, and that got a smile out of Pax too. Ivan still couldn’t believe that Pax, Alex and Nikki had met Marcus a few years ago and that Marcus remembered that Ivan accidentally caused a near riot at The Troll Club and had to pay damages.

“That was a long time ago,” Ivan said, “and Marcus is not the subject of this conversation,” he added at Moira’s plea to know more.

Jamie’s grandfather hadn’t received the same level of gossip attention but no doubt it was a matter of time. At least he wasn’t doing anything illegal – at present. Jamie said Marcus’s nightclub was now adhering to London’s hypocritical and convoluted pleasure industry laws –as Marcus saw it – but that such adherence usually came in waves. Ivan remembered Marcus as a fair and understanding man albeit he looked like he could crush you between his fingers which Ivan had no doubt he was itching to do now.

“Does his mother work there? At the summer camps?” Simon asked suddenly. He’d hardly said a word.

“No,” Allie said, “Jamie said his mother finds it difficult being around so many unwanted children. It makes sense considering her…considering. It doesn’t seem to have stopped her though – her past. She’s done a lot.”

“Yes,” Simon said, sipping his coffee, “remarkable woman. I can’t wait to meet her but I won’t steal your thunder, Alys. It’s your idea.”

Still recovering from Simon stunning words they turned to Alys who didn’t look happy at all. “There is one way we can assist to stem this ugliness and that’s by showing we are above all this and it will assist Jamie and his mother’s reputation.”

Ivan heard the idea and looked at Miles and could tell he thought the same – the Sorrenttis were not going to like this plan.


	12. Ivan has that Conversation | The First Half of the Night

Ivan returned from speaking to Miles and Ekaterin in their suite; they’d been discussing many things into the early hours: their sons’ new relationship, that Taurie would be publically announcing her betrothal to Captain Clement Vorrutyer as soon as all immediate family had been informed, and then discussing how best to relate Lady Alys’s idea to Jamie and his mother. It gave Ivan another idea but his mother would be against it so he only discussed it with Miles and Ekaterin. It would be foolish to ignore his mother’s advice but it would be just as foolish to go against his own wishes. _Jamie’s **my **son._

Jamie. He’d still not heard from him. Was his mother preventing him from calling? Was she blaming Ivan for the gossip? While he showered, anger prickled at him and questions bubbled in his head. He needed answers. Ivan closed his office door, threw himself into the chair, activated the security protocols and placed a call to Jamie’s mother to leave a message and froze when she answered.

“Hello?” she asked. Her voice, that husky accent, instantly recognisable and sounding wide awake. His vid was blank, as was Ivan’s which was good as he was only wearing underwear. “You know, I recognise this code,” she said, “so if you’re one of those perverts who calls people at the witching hour or if you’re using the ambassador’s code without his permission because that also gets you off, I have a way of seeing you and I can report you –”

“It is me. Iv –Ambassador Vorpatril,” he said part exasperated and part amused. Ivan quickly pulled on a t-shirt, sat back down and let her see him briefly (from the waist up!) before cutting the visual since he still couldn’t see her, “and I called to leave a message. I didn’t think you’d be up.”

“Ah. That makes sense but no I’m wide awake.”

He frowned. “Could you really have overridden my settings?”

“I have some tech but I wouldn’t use it on you. Do you want me to cut this call and let you leave a message? I could pretend I’m asleep.”

_Is she mocking me?_ “No,” Ivan replied. What did he want? It was disconcerting not seeing her, instead she displayed spinning images of gold and red autumn leaves that kept changing patterns. “Did you ever spy on me?” Ivan guessed she wasn’t expecting that question and he didn’t even realise it was on his mind. Having conversations at 3am was probably not a wise idea. 

“That’s a complicated question,” she said slowly. “I was sometimes assigned to missions that involved you or your family but I never directly had any of you under surveillance. And I never did anything as regards to your family that wasn’t sanctioned by ImpSec.”

Ivan frowned. “I’m not sure how to take that answer.”

“That doesn’t matter.”

“Oh?” he asked.

“I mean you don’t have to take my word for it. You have clearance. You could ask to see my mission files.”

Ivan had seen how much data was in her file. No thanks. He waved off the alert on his console. “Why are you encrypting this call? I’ve already secured –“

“Can’t be too careful. And I’m letting you see what I’m doing. I don’t normally do that.”

“How kind of you,” he said, annoyed by her tone. “Are you supposed to have that tech? I thought you got fired.” He regretted it the moment he said it. The heavy silence lasted for so long he thought she’d left. _Come on, Ivan, you’re better than this._

“I have my own toys,” she said quietly. “So…Jamie believes you and your family aren’t to blame for the gossip or what happened at the academy, if_ that’s_ what you’re calling about. He’ll call you later today; he’s out blowing off steam. He likes to get things straight before he speaks to people but it usually means he’ll ignore your messages until he’s ready. I should warn you though, even though he believes you had nothing to do with it, it’s affected him and – that’s for you two to talk about. He will call you soon like I said.”

Ivan knew Jamie had been affected by the gossip so that wasn’t a surprise and her words did set his mind at ease_. I should end this call and get some sleep and before I piss off his mother even more. Not a wise idea. _ “Was it because of what I said about not wanting children? When I didn’t even know you were pregnant? Is that why you never told me about Jamie? Is that why you never gave me a chance with him?” _Yes, should have gone to bed. Too late now._

She murmured something he couldn’t catch. “Alright.” She muttered something again. “You want to do this now? Why not.” She took a deep breath. “You saying you weren’t ready for children, family wasn’t the only reason of course it wasn’t. I believe you would’ve tried to love him but that doesn’t mean you would have _liked _that your life had been turned upside down. You’d be there out of duty.”

“And that’s a bad thing? You’d rather I turned my back on him? On you?”

She breathed in sharply. “Duty makes some people _resentful_. That wasn’t the life you wanted then and when you found out the truth about my background are you saying you wouldn’t be angry? At us both? My aunt – ” She stopped but Ivan heard enough.

“I know about your childhood with your aunt – that’s what you thought I’d be like?” He was appalled. “That I’d be an abusive father but what, that you’d be the perfect mother?”

“No,” she said, it was almost a whisper. “I don’t believe you’re capable of what she – that’s not what I mean. You wouldn’t be there out of choice and if you think Jamie wouldn’t notice he would. Putting that aside I wasn’t sure then I could be a mother. Perfect mother? Far from it.” Her voice dropped. “I was terrified. Looking at the facts of my life, I could understand anyone thinking I wasn’t fit enough to take care of a plant let alone a baby and those doubts…” Ivan remembered having those doubts about himself but Tej never doubted him. “But I was lucky,” she continued, “I _am_ lucky to have a wonderful father and amazing friends. They helped me realise I was capable of raising him and I _wanted _Jamie. And I wanted to give him everything without the - ” she blew out a long breath, “without the weight of _your_ family’s expectations, without people throwing my past in his face, without that conflict. I wanted to give him everything I didn’t have and not have him funnelled into a life to make him more palatable to VS society. I’ve seen that happen. Marie says I’ve spoiled Jamie with all I’ve given him but that he’s not _spoilt _and that’s true. I really believe that.” He heard a loud clink. “I’m making a drink,” she said abruptly. “I need one. I wasn’t – I need one.”

“Me too,” Ivan said and he made his way to the kitchen to make a coffee but diverted to pour himself a glass of wine, all the while he could hear her making something which involved a lot of stirring. It gave him a chance to gather his thoughts as she’d stopped speaking. The worst thing about what she said was some of it was true. He couldn’t deny it with all the gossip illustrating vividly what people would have said about Jamie and what his mother said about directing Jamie’s future. He returned to his office, sipped the wine while he listened to Jamie’s mother move around. She was taking a long time.

“What are you making?” he asked suddenly and heard a musical clatter of crockery.

“You made me drop my cake.”

“You were making a _cake?_”

“No, I made my hot chocolate. I was just getting a snack.”

“Cake? At this time in the morning?”

“What are you, cake security?”

“Yes,” said Ivan, “I have a badge.” And she laughed a soft husky laugh that triggered a sharp memory of her struggling to unbutton his damp uniform. Ian shook his head hard to rid him of it, and demolished most of his wine in a long gulp. “So all this – with Jamie, you decided all this as soon as you found out you were pregnant?”

She laughed again but this one wasn’t so pleasant.

“I’m explaining this all very logically but I was going back and forth with it in an endless, messy loop. I – can you let me say this without you interrupting please and then you can ask whatever you want. I know you won’t care but it’s harder than I thought saying this.”

“Go ahead.”

She took a deep breath. “I knew that if your family saw me as unfit to take care of him I would either have to go into hiding with Jamie or –“

“Go into hiding? Come on!”

She sighed. “You said you weren’t going to interrupt.”

“Just – did you tell Jamie that? That you thought you may need to go into hiding which you _wouldn’t_ have.” Like he would put her in that position! Even his mother wouldn’t have tried to take Jamie away. _Even if she thought it was best for Jamie? _ Ivan didn’t follow that thought.

“No, I didn’t, I kept my fears away from Jamie. Do you want me to go on? These aren’t accusations, Ambassador; this is all why I did what I did. But it won’t make any sense unless I tell you from the beginning.”

“Alright, yes. Go on. I won’t interrupt.”

“Great.”

“Unless it’s necessary,” he added.

After some mutterings she started again. “I know compared to your family I have no power and like I said I wasn’t so sure of myself. For so long I feared him being taken from me, and Jamie would always be the one to suffer more than either of us. Whatever scenario I came up with over the years Jamie would be the one getting hurt. After the support I’d built around me, I thought about telling you the truth but my fears of what it would all do to Jamie stopped me. I know it won’t mean anything to you but none of this was an easy decision because I knew you were a good person but the circumstances made everything so hard.

“And then a couple of years after we met you got married. I was…stunned as you did seem so against it and then I saw who she was and I could see that regardless of how you got married, it was obvious you were in love with this beautiful goddess and that she was in love with you. Mutual love,” she said, her voice strained, “rarer than people think. If anyone was going to rid you of your aversion to marriage and children, it made sense it was this woman. I knew then that there was no way I could tell you. Not while Jamie was a child. You would have children of your own, and if you found out about Jamie, if he wasn’t hated or resented he would be even more of an outsider and he would feel it no matter what we did. I couldn’t do that to him. I didn’t want that for him.

“So I told him that you were out there, that you didn’t know about him and that when the time was right I would tell him. I’m not expecting you to agree with me but I wanted you to know that I always tried to find the perfect way of Jamie getting the best from both of us and I couldn’t figure out a way. I really tried.” There was a long silence. “Are you still there?”

Ivan, reeling from that deluge and the pain in her words, heard a clear omission. “In all your scenarios there was never one where we’re together?”

“What? Oh you mean for convention and Jamie’s sake? I would never have agreed to that. Jamie would still be treated the same way because of my background, and what would happen when you met your wife – your wife to be. It would be more mess.”

That wasn’t what Ivan meant at all but he was worn out. “You’ve given me a lot to think about,” he said, his anger had faded, replaced by fatigue. He needed to move their conversation away from her reasons. He sighed. “So…if we hadn’t been at the same hotel Jamie would never have been born?” And because she didn’t answer he asked, “Are _you_ still there?” He let himself be seen in the hope she’d do the same. He needed to see her.

“Miles didn’t tell you?” she asked and Ivan’s stomach clenched.

“Tell me what?” he asked. _What now?_

“That wasn’t a coincidence – me being at the hotel. I knew you were at that wedding so I went there.” She showed herself now. The green flecks in her eyes brighter, brought out by her oversized emerald jumper; it was wide enough that his eyes lingered on the way her long neck curved to her collarbone. He looked back at her face and remembered that glorious hair that used to surround her but his eyes kept getting drawn to her bare neck. He met her frowning eyes.

“Miles told us what we needed to know,” Ivan said with a shrug, “that there there’s no heir conspiracy and you and Jamie aren’t persons’ of concern but anything else I wanted to know he said I had to ask you. So I’ll ask you – why did you call yourself Penelope?”

A flash of guilt crossed her face and it made him smile. She lifted up a black bowl and took a sip before answering. _Good God was that all hot chocolate in there?_ Then he recalled the foods she’d ordered at the hotel. Her diet hadn’t changed at all. Now he was allowing himself to remember, he was remembering everything. It was like someone had removed a wall.

“Penelope is my middle name but I never use it,” she replied. “I used it then because it felt right. I never lied to you, I was a student, have been on and off for years, but I never told you my other profession or where I’d come from – that person was Eve.” Which was lying in Ivan’s book but he didn’t say it. He didn’t want to argue the point. Yet. “So I called myself Penelope – me, but not me. I’m not ashamed of my past,” she said suddenly as if he’d accused her, “although people try to shame me for it. But I’m not an idiot. I know it makes a bad first impression when they know my background before getting to know me, and I get tired of it.” 

Ivan could hear that tiredness and didn’t want to get drawn into that. He made a circle in the air with his finger. “Let’s go back. How did you know I was at that wedding?”

She actually blushed. He watched it flush her neck and then she laughed. “I suppose I have to tell you the truth or Miles will contradict me. Oh God, look I didn’t _spy_ on you. I don’t do that when I’m not working so I had to resort to other public methods which with you included the,” she cleared her throat and looked down into her drink, “the gossip net which had a lot of stuff about you. _VS Voice_ to be exact,” she shuddered as she said it.

“That rag?” Ivan exclaimed and tutted. “That _is _shameful.”

She looked at him over the rim of her bowl, her eyes flickered. “I think you were number seven in the VS bachelor top ten at that time.”

_Only number seven?_ “Oh good God, I remember that tacky stream. So you hunted me down?”

“I was on VS anyway,” she said defensively. “I had some business at the university. I was transferring my course. But yes, I just wanted to see what would happen if we met again but me as myself. Almost myself.” Her eyes went distant. “You impressed me a lot on that mission, you were –“ she suddenly looked down at her drink and laughed a rueful laugh, “I’ve never done anything that reckless before. I still can’t believe that I did that.”

“What made it reckless?” he asked.

She hesitated. “You’re High Vor.”

Ivan didn’t want to get into that either but it was obvious she was about to say something else too. He didn’t press her. She always seemed to be on the edge of bleakness. He remembered that too. “I thought you may have meant us having sex underneath that sacred tree.”

She burst out a laugh. “I had no idea that was a sacred spot!”

“Why do you think I kept asking you if you were sure you wanted to do it there?”

“I thought you meant because we were outdoors not because of the tree!” She frowned, her hand went to her neck. “Why do you keep looking at my neck? Do I have something –“ and she stopped suddenly and they laughed together as her hand went over her face. “I can’t believe I was about to say that.”

It took a long while before either of them could stop laughing. Ivan had told her all those years ago about his most unsuccessful chat up lines, one of which involved staring at a girl’s neck until she asked if she had something on her neck. Ivan would then lean in slowly, making it very obvious as far as he was concerned about what he was about to do, and he would kiss her neck and say, if he got the chance, “Yes, me.” It would usually result in him being, slapped, pushed or a 40% chance of sex.

“You remembered,” Ivan said, stupidly pleased. She had laughed then too and had asked him to re-enact it with a 100% assurance of sex. “I can’t believe I told you that story and that you remember it.”

“I bet I remember a lot more than you do,” she said.

“Why would you think that?”

She waved a hand. “It doesn’t matter.”

“That doesn’t answer the question.”

She put her bowl down and shrugged. “Oh you know – you probably met someone soon after. You can’t be offended by me saying that,” she said searching his face, “you said you were fine with me leaving when I told you, and that’s fine because that’s what I told you would happen.”

“Yes,” Ivan said, “you also said if I _wasn’t _fine with you leaving, and never getting back in touch, you were going to leave sooner so I lied.” He had no choice. “I wanted your company longer so I told you what you wanted to hear. I thought you were lying too. You didn’t act like you wanted to leave.”

He tried to catch her eye but she stood and all he could see was her jumper. “I didn’t want to,” she said quietly, “I stayed as long as I could but I had a wedding to go to, I was telling the truth about that, and I knew it was – I had to go.”

He had been so sure she’d get back in touch but she didn’t. “I looked for you.”

She sat back down with a snort. “You did not! I would’ve known.”

“You didn’t give me much to go on. All I knew was you were called Penelope, that you were a student somewhere, and liked Barrayaran history for some reason but you weren’t registered at any of the universities.” That surprised her. Ivan liked seeing that look.

“I was registered but my middle name wasn’t.” She shook her head. “Miles knew me. If you’d described me to Miles he would’ve known instantly.”

“Miles wasn’t on the planet and then it was – no, asking Miles would be the last thing I would’ve done.”

She angled her head. “Why are you saying this?” She was getting angry now. “You’re working off a false assumption. I don’t mind that you didn’t look for me. I wasn’t expecting you to. We had a great time and then it ended. If it wasn’t for Jamie we’d probably never of met again. We live in different worlds.”

That again. It bothered him that she didn’t believe him. How could he convince her?

Tej wagged a finger._ “Too soon. You’ll ruin it. Leave it until tomorrow. This is a good place to leave it.” _

“What is it? Is someone else there?” she asked.

Ivan stared at the empty space. “I have to go check on the kids. Can we talk later?” he asked and she looked uncertain. “About Jamie and something which will help things go smoother for him.” She nodded and he smiled. “Goodnight…Eve. May I call you Eve?”

She opened her mouth, closed it, nodded, gave him a small wave and ended the call. 

He left his office and headed for the bedroom. Was it worth trying to sleep? Ivan nearly jumped out of his skin. “I thought you were in bed. You _should _be in bed,” Ivan added. Rohan was in his pyjamas, sat at the edge of Ivan’s bed.


	13. The Second Half of the Night | An Invitation and Old Friends

Ivan’s sleep would have to wait. Rohan had something heavy on his mind and unlike Moira, Rohan would often build towards it.

“How long have you been sat there? You should’ve looked for me or called me,” Ivan said, irritated at himself.

– Not been here long. Can’t sleep. Just thinking. Were you working? –

Ivan hesitated. “No, I was thinking too, about things. So what were you thinking about?” Ivan asked softly, happy to have his thoughts diverted by his son. Rohan shrugged. “Is it something your grandmother said?” Ivan guessed. Rohan smiled. Ivan sighed. “I thought so.” Ivan ran a hand through his hair and leaned forward. “You know your grandmother means well but she’s from a different time and sometimes her words are from that time too.” Ivan smiled but Rohan’s brows scrunched up and he shook his head.

– Where Jamie works, not the academy that children’s home, some of the children were left by their parents, left as abandoned uterine replicators. –

Ivan nodded. "Yes, I know." And moved closer troubled by the way Rohan's hands shook as he signed his words. 

– They're abandoned because of family issues or they changed their mind or because they can’t cope. Sometimes other family members will take them but often not the parents. They just abandon them. –

_He doesn’t want me to adopt these children, does he?_ “Yes,” Ivan said, “unfortunately uterine replicators make it easy for people to do this.” It was something they were still discussing at length on Barrayar. Hoping to learn from galactic mistakes. “The authorities do try to track those responsible but once they’ve left the planet it’s hard to trace them, and children’s homes can’t afford private investigators.”

Rohan went still before facing Ivan with tears in his eyes. – You never left us behind. I know they wanted you to because of Anton but you didn’t. You would never do this. No matter how hard it’s been you took us with you. Took Anton with you after Mama died. You would never do this. –

Ivan moved out of the chair and knelt in front of him. Rohan was shaking. “Who told you about –”

Rohan’s warm tears fell down Ivan’s neck as he grabbed hold of Ivan, sobbing silently while Ivan held him tight, stroking his hair and telling him everything was alright as he used to when Rohan was a child, as he had when Tej died. When Rohan’s body stopped shaking Ivan said softly, “Listen, I don’t know what you heard but yes, your grandmother and others suggested they’d take care of you all and Anton,” Rohan stiffened and Ivan kissed the top of his hair. “It wasn’t to be cruel they thought it would help us.” People thought he wouldn’t be able to cope, and when he realised through the fog of grief that he was close to having his younger children taken from him, it jolted him out of it like nothing else. He returned to Earth, back to his work as soon as he could – with _all _his children. “But we needed to be together, and I think – we’ve done alright, haven’t we?”

Rohan pulled away and wiped an arm across his eyes. He nodded and stood and Ivan heaved himself up too and winced. Rohan looked like a stiff wind would blow him away but the boy was a lot heavier than he looked. “Alright?” Ivan asked.

– I’ll go to sleep now. - Rohan’s eyes lit with his half smile. – Can I sleep in your room? –

Ivan let out a relieved laugh. Rohan hadn’t asked that for years. “Yes but don’t tell Anton. And just tonight.” Ivan would wait until Rohan fell asleep before attempting it himself and recalling how sharp Rohan used to kick as a child, and that he was still all knees and elbows, Ivan would get a sleeping roll out. He didn’t want to leave Rohan alone in case he had more questions. Who had told Rohan about this? Did all the kids know?

“Goodnight, Da.” 

“Good –“ Ivan spun round and Rohan gave him a goofy look. Ivan, ignoring everything the medics had told him about not making a big deal out of it, practically shouted, “You spoke!” He gripped Rohan’s shoulders. Rohan’s voice was deeper, huskier no longer a child’s but it was his Rohan.

Rohan nodded. “Yes – yeah,” He licked his lips, “feels…alright.” He hand signed his words too. “May need to practice more,” he said, speaking slowly as if he was hunting for the words. “It’s alright now, Da.” Rohan hugged his weeping father. “Everything is going to be alright.”

** 

**Jamie’s Academy**

“Ivan wanted to speak to you about this himself but there’s some family business he needs to attend to today,” Miles said.

It was no surprise to Eve that the ambassador changed his mind about speaking to her. That whole conversation had troubled her. It didn’t rob her of her sleep – Eve had methods of compartmentalising that had served her well for years. But she still awoke with the same unease. It troubled her that she was both relieved and disappointed that she wasn’t going to speak to him. He’d spoken to Jamie and Jamie said they’d cleared the air and were planning on meeting soon but Jamie still had doubts about his new family – about his father. If it wasn’t hurting Jamie she’d leave it all alone. Not that she could think of a way to help.

“You look well,” Miles said.

“Yes, I’m sure I look a lot better than when you saw me last,” she said, her words falling far more sharply than she intended. _He’s not to blame for this, Eve._ Eve didn’t blame him but she was agitated and here he was offering himself as a target.

He looked over Eve’s shoulder, “Are you in your office? Working late?”

“Please get to the point, Miles. You’re creeping me out with your attempt at small talk.”

“Straight the point as always.” Miles nodded. “You and Jamie are invited to the embassy ball tomorrow night as special guests of the Ambassador.”

A wave of nausea hit her. Eve reached across and took a sip of water. “I see.”

Miles cleared his throat. “That means sitting at the ambassador’s table and- ”

“There’s no need for me to go. I’ll let Jamie know if he’s not been informed already. Is that it?”

Miles eyes narrowed. “Eve, you know what this invitation is about. It would’ve been better if Jamie had been to an event already but nothing we can do about that. You have to come.”

“Oh, is this a command?”

Miles didn’t hide his exasperation. “It’s a way to show there’s no animosity between our families.”

“Bullshit.” Eve said, “I’m not an idiot. This is to show people how you’ve all _condescended_ to allow us into your Vor sphere – that you’ve _accepted_ us and therefore everyone else should too. Putting us on display at the high table with his family.” Eve shuddered. “Well I don’t need yours or anyone else’s false acceptance.”

“Don’t be so naïve. Jamie’s not going to come without you –what message would _that_ send? What are you going to tell Jamie about your reasons for not going? What do you think that’s going to do to his relationship with Ivan?” Miles’s eyes and words hooked into her. “What did you think was going to happen, Eve? Did you really think that you’d be able to separate yourself from his father’s family?” Yes she had! Why couldn’t she? She turned to look at her glass of water which was more soothing. “It’s not as if you’ve not been to these events before,” Miles added and she glared at him.

“Those events were my choice, Miles,” Eve snapped. “Don’t pretend it’s the same thing. This is a God damn show and everyone will know it. At least be honest about it.”

Miles sighed. “Look, all eyes will be on Jamie anyway. The Ambassador is going to give him a house uniform but it’s up to Jamie if he wears it. If you want to stick a knife in the trajectory of this gossip, if you want to help Jamie, you’ll encourage him to wear it and go through with this.” 

“If you think Jamie is just going to say yes to all this you don’t know Jamie as well as you think,” she managed to say. “I have to go. Security are trying to contact me.” It wasn’t urgent but Eve couldn’t listen to anymore.

“Eve –“

“Bye.” Eve cut the call and closed her eyes. A house uniform. My God. A Vor House uniform. It was all so…_real._ “What is it, Irene?” Eve asked, perhaps her security guard had a nice diversion for her.

“I have a persistent visitor who won’t leave a message. Christoph Coyle. He wants to see you.” Irene knew very well Chris was Eve’s ex but she was as professional as always.

“Tell him I’ll see him when hell freezes over.”

After a short pause Irene asked, “Do you really want me –“

“No, no of course not. Tell him if he leaves his contact information I’ll get back to him soon but that I can’t see him today. Tell him he’s welcome to stay in the visitor area – that’ll get rid of him.”

Irene laughed. “Will do.” 

Eve resisted the temptation to look. It might sway her and make her forget why they’d ended things for good, and Eve was looking for a distraction from Miles’s words; the truth of Miles’s accusations still smarted but also what he didn’t know. Jamie was having heavy doubts about his father’s sincerity, and Eve doubted this dinner would erase these doubts. But Eve couldn’t think of another way so where did that leave them? She would have to swallow her pride and go through the damn charade of being on good terms with Jamie's new family while they pretended to accept her and while the Vor village looked down their noses at her and Jamie. Eve wondered if Jamie would do it. Was she supposed to talk him into it? God! Why did everything have to be so damn complicated! 

But as she was about to leave for home her wish for a diversion was granted in the form of an alert on her comms and directions to a safe house. Within half an hour Eve reached a deceptively derelict property and made her way to a sparsely furnished studio flat to meet her old friends and work colleagues Agent Silver, Agent Indigo and her old boss Simon Illyan.

After many embraces Silver directed her to speak to Illyan first because he’d be leaving soon. Illyan half-heartedly scolded her for keeping Jamie’s paternity hidden but he understood. He didn’t ask about the interrogation Miles had subjected her to for which she was thankful but said he doubted ImpSec had finished with her yet as her skills were too valuable. Eve didn’t think it was possible for ImpSec to hire back ex-agents on any basis but Simon smiled. “Yes, that’s what we want you to think but at least I’ll see you soon and get to know my new grandson. Ah – not there yet, Blue?” he asked at her reaction. “You are part of my family now too,” he said.

“Sounds like a threat,” Eve said only half-joking. Eve noted the look that passed between Illyan and Silver before he left escorted out by someone else.

Indigo wasted no time throwing one of her knives at Eve which she deftly caught. Indigo’s smile always looked like it was mimicking one of the scars on her bald head. “So not only did you sample that Vorpatril candy but you sucked and swallowed it and spat out a baby candy?”

Eve laughed. “Subtle as always. And he wasn’t candy when we were together.”

“You didn’t sample him on mission?”

“No!”

Indigo grinned and then her face fell. “I know why you couldn’t tell us. Silver explained but fucking hell, Blue. I mean! Fucking hell! It’s all over.” Eve hugged her friend as she didn’t have any words of comfort. It was the end of an era no matter if ImpSec would still use Eve and Eve knew better than to pin her hopes on that. Eve caught up with the status of the other agents and the recruits but it was painful and Silver as always knew when to end that conversation.

“Stop being so doom and gloom, Blue,” Silver said, “it’s not all over. You have your research, and your private clients. This is another wormhole; a new flight. You’d be an idiot not to make the most of it and we’re all going to keep in touch. I need you to keep me sane and stop me from using one of Indigo’s knives on her.”

“Hah, like you could get past me, Sil,” Indigo said.

Indigo had to leave but Silver stayed. They settled on the black sofa which matched Silver’s black faux leather all in one suit. The ex-LPST still looked ageless. She was wearing her favourite silver hair today. It may be for a mission, it may not. Eve didn’t ask. Eve hadn’t known how she’d react to working with a Betan all those years ago but since Silver loathed Beta Colony as much as Eve did they had found common ground in their traumatic pasts.

Silver tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and angled her head at Eve. “Give me an update, honey.”

“You’re not going to try and therapise me are you, Betan.” Their old joke and Eve waved a hand. “There’s not much to tell...” But she talked and talked and at the end of it felt wrung out. “Silver, I don’t know what it is – I can’t get my ground back.”

“Because you prepared for everything but this and that isn’t a bad thing. Blue, you have to ignore what Illyan said about ImpSec hiring you again – that’s going backwards. You have other passions that you’ve put aside too long. You have a chance for something more than this job, you need to take it. And don’t you dare fucking say this job is the only thing you were good at.” Eve laughed and closed her mouth. Silver gave her an understanding look. “I’ve only ever seen you fear two things.”

Eve snorted a laugh. “There have been a lot of things I’ve feared.”

Silver shook her head. “Let me finish. Two things you’ve feared and not faced head on. I know how passionate you are about uncovering the true history of Barrayaran women. I only had to read one of your papers to get that. But you won’t take that next step, you make excuses, you’re not that illiterate child anymore, Blue.”

“I know that!”

“Good. Then I’m asking you to do something for me. I know you’re going to Barrayar soon so I want you to make an appointment at the university to speak someone about finally doing your doctorate. Not just fucking think about it.”

Eve’s stomach somersaulted. “I promise I’ll contact the university. I’ve already discussed it with Marie.” But Silver was right; she hadn’t actually done anything about it. “I’ll do it. This time.”

“Good.” She reached over and stroked Eve’s cheek with her finger. “Make me believe there is something more than this. Not all of us have something else, Eve. You know where I nearly ended up before Illyan gave me a chance. What would I do after?”

“You’d come live with me,” Eve said, “and we’d talk about it.”

Silver threw back her head and laughed that rich dirty laugh. “Just like that? What if you are with someone? How would you explain me?”

Eve frowned. “If I was with someone who didn’t like it then I’d be with the wrong person.” Eve sighed. “Which is probably more than likely with my track record so we can kick him out together.”

Silver didn’t laugh at that but stared long at Eve. “Which brings me to your other fear. I haven’t seen your interrogation but I know what you would’ve said.” Silver said it in such a matter of fact way, without a hint of arrogance that Eve knew it for truth. Silver placed a hand over Eve’s heart. “Honey, you have to face this because you’ve tried to bury it for nearly 30 years and it’s still there. It’s a fact and as soon as you acknowledge it, trust me, it’ll go better for you. Remember you’re in control of what you do with it but stop treating it like a wound – it’s making you lose focus. I’m not going to force it out of you like the auditor did because you have to be the one to do it yourself.”

“I’ve not lost focus,” Eve said moving away, her heart pounding hard.

“Really?” Silver’s eyes glinted. “There is a solution staring you in the face with this embassy soiree they want you to go to. Something you would’ve thought of if you weren’t in such denial about the Ambassador. Don’t give me that look. You know I don’t lie to you.”

Eve shook her head. “Solution? I have no choice but to go to this blasted thing.”

“That’s true.” Silver sighed and stretched out her legs. “You have to go. I know it pisses you off that some of those Vors will think you want their acceptance.” Eve was about to protest but Silver knew her too well. Damn it. Silver faced her, “And you know,” she continued, “that they don’t know you so it doesn’t matter what they think. It’s been a while since you’ve had to go through something like this but you’ll get that armour back. But you’re missing something. Why do the family _say_ they want you and Jamie to go to this embassy thing?” She wagged a finger. “Not what you think – what do they say.”

“To show us altogether, that there’s no animosity between our families, stall the gossip, and maybe get Jamie some clients back but – ”

“No buts. So going to this event together, at a venue people will know has significance, is the point, right? So it doesn’t _only_ have to be at the embassy, does it?”

Eve thought about that for a moment. “No but – _oh_.”

“There it is.”

“Oh my God.” Eve laughed. “Why didn’t I think of this sooner?”

“You know why. You should try and enjoy it.”

Eve was incredulous. “Enjoy it?”

“You can have such fun with this, Blue. Come on. That interrogation wipe out your sense of humour? This is no way as bad as you think. The worst is over. It really is! This isn’t a mission. You don’t have to work out all the flaws, all the exits. Try and take this day by day. Just try it.” 

Eve wasn’t sure she could do that. This was territory she’d not prepared for. But there was one thing she was sure of. “I’m going to miss you.”

Silver hugged her. “I should damn well hope so but we’ll always be friends so don’t sob about it.”

“You knew, didn’t you?” Eve whispered, staying in Silver’s embrace. “That he was Jamie’s father.”

“Yes but it would’ve done no good to say. You weren’t ready to face the full truth about him. I could tell from the moment you met him on that mission that it wasn’t going to end there. Especially when you fooled yourself into thinking you had to go to Barrayar _in person_ to speak to the university. I knew that wasn't the only reason you'd gone. It wasn’t the right time to tell you you were lying to yourself. But it’s time to stop that now.” Silver pulled away and grinned. “Remember you trust Vorpatril with Jamie for a reason and whatever happens you are not just Agent Blue, you are Eve Penelope Vellis Sorrentti and you can handle it but for God’s sake, honey – lighten up!”


	14. An Evening In | A Different Invitation Over Blinis

Ivan’s parents and the Vorkosigans were visiting various Barrayaran expats so Ivan planned to make the most of it; his mother wasn’t happy about Ivan’s plan to give Jamie a House Uniform – Lady Alys thought it was too soon but Ivan had years of training listening to his mother’s advice, pretending to consider it and then ignoring it. Unfortunately Lady Alys had picked up on that long ago and she left in one of her silent I’m Not Pleased moods. But Ivan didn’t care.

For the first time in too long he had an evening alone with his children. Not all his children. Jamie had asked for time to consider the embassy invitation and Ivan agreed not to pressure him. He hadn’t heard from him in two days and although Ivan was concerned about the silence he felt a tug of guilt that Jamie’s absence made the evening go much smoother with his other children. It was like old times.

“No, I want all four of them back!” Moira said.

Moira had screamed when Rohan first spoke to her, thumped him hard in the shoulder, hugged him and demanded her fluffies back, claiming her soft toys had been on loan to him until his voice returned. Rohan continued to demand the proof and teased the ‘future lawyer’ for not putting it in writing. Moira teased Rohan about his ‘man’s’ voice and Rohan took it in his stride as he usually did with that soft smile and shrug. The conversation became more raucous so Ivan picked up sleeping Anton from one of the sofas; he’d been there for a few hours and although nothing would wake him Ivan did wonder how much he was absorbing. He left Allie and Pax fighting over Anton’s blanket – they were all lounging around with blankets as if it was cold. Ivan could never understand it but it was something Tej had started when Rohan was a child; it had helped calm down his ‘busy head’ before bedtime.

After tucking Anton in, Ivan stayed on the bed and checked his messages. Nothing work urgent but reminders that Karl Mirles, the Galactic Affairs minister, would be arriving tomorrow to throw his weight around and schmooze the Escobarran President. Ivan would let Karl have his ego trip and steer him towards the Galactic Nations staff who together with Barrayar’s own new representative at the GN, would be attending several dinner engagements.

Ah this was better. A message from Jamie asking to see him tomorrow. But Ivan wasn’t sure how he felt about the other message; it was from Eve – she wanted to speak to him_ before _he spoke to Jamie. It was the first time he’d heard from her since their last strange chat. Ivan was determined to be more clear headed next time. It wasn’t his attraction to her that had thrown him off; yes, it had surprised him that it was still there but he was too old for that kind of distraction; he had to admit to being shaken, hearing her side of it and the early morning hour had caused him to nearly say too much to her. 

“_And what gave you that filthy dream about her, Ivan Xav?”_

“Alright, Da?” Pax asked, walking in with a bright blue blanket covering him like a cape.

Ivan cleared his throat. “Yes, yes. All…yes.”

“I was thinking,” Pax said, sitting beside him, and then hesitated before he said, “I could join your morning swim for a short while. Rohan said he’s been doing that. That alright?”

“It’s not my pool,” Ivan said, amused by the question. 

“But you usually swim alone,” Pax pointed out, “Mama used to say you needed that time alone and that it was the only time you got to do any exercise.” And have precious needed time to himself.

“Your Mama was right,” Ivan said, “but that was on Escobar and those swims were at five in the morning when none of you kids were up and my workday was nothing like it is here on Earth.” Ivan had made sure of that. “I never asked you kids because you all do your own thing but you don’t need an invite to join me for a swim. If I need private time, you know I’ll make it clear.” Ivan couldn’t believe he had to say that but he also doubted if he had invited his kids to join him for an early morning swim_ before_ Jamie’s arrival that they would have wanted to. Jamie’s arrival had had repercussions and not all of them had been unpleasant. Even Moira was spending more time at home although she and Allie still managed to find new things to argue about so all was still normal on that front. 

Pax smiled. “I’ll be there. So will he - Jamie be there? I don’t mind if he is,” he added quickly, “It’s just that Rohan said he usually is but hasn’t been for a few days.”

“Jamie won’t be there but I’ll be seeing him sometime tomorrow – I’m not sure when.” Ivan watched Pax’s face carefully but Pax’s fringe curtained his face as he bowed his head. Ivan restrained himself from recommending a haircut.

Pax sighed. “I’m sorry, Da.” Pax raised his eyes to his, and Ivan could see now his son’s troubled face.

“For what?” Ivan stemmed all the thoughts which tended to rush into his head when he saw the guilty looks on his children’s faces.

“Not accepting Jamie as I should’ve. Not trying like I should’ve. Like he has. I am trying more,” he said defensively. “I’m going to try and meet up with him. I’ll take Alex – he’s better at,” Pax waved a hand, “he’s just better with people but I don’t want you to think I’m not making the effort. I am trying to get used to this new...to having a new brother.”

Ivan sighed with relief – relief he hadn’t realised he needed. “I’m glad for your both, and no one expects you to become best friends.” Ivan squeezed Pax’s shoulder. “As long as you accept he’s part of our lives that’s enough and I_ don’t_ agree that Alex is better with people than you are. Did he say that?”

“No, Da” Pax said, and his face lit up. “Alex says I’ve had bad luck and that now I’m taking my time making my mind up about people it’s just a different thing but Alex,” he smiled, “he has this way of sussing people out quickly like you and Mama. It comes naturally to him – he doesn’t have to work at it. He makes it look so easy,” Pax said wistfully.

“That doesn’t mean it is easy,” Ivan said but Alex was so like Miles. Miles always knew quickly what type of person he was dealing with and damn him, he was never wrong about anyone. 

“It may look natural,” Ivan said carefully, “but a lot of it is experience. I’m a lot older than you, son. It’s good to take your time; you do what’s right for you. You don’t have to be like Alex.”

Pax grinned. “I know and I wouldn’t want to be. He’s still the most untidy person I know.”

Pax talked about Alex for a while and the love radiated from him to a point it was painful for Ivan. If this relationship ended badly Pax would lose more than a boyfriend. _Boyfriend._ Ivan still found it hard to think of his son and nephew in those new terms but he wasn’t going to let anyone see that especially not Pax. 

“The gossip’s really got to Jamie, hasn’t it?” Pax asked. “That’s why he’s not been around? Is he going to come to one of the embassy soirees with his Mama?”

“I don’t know. I hope so. I hope he realises soon we’re not the enemy. He’s a sensible boy,” Ivan said and ruffled Pax’s thick too long hair. “I’ve been blessed with great kids.”

Pax grimaced. “I haven’t been great lately. I wasn’t just saying sorry for Jamie. Allie was right – I’ve been…I should’ve been around more, Da or at least kept in touch more. I will now I promise.”

**

**The Next Day**

“Make sure Anton has had his breakfast,” Ivan said as Rohan and Pax went into the lift tube. Ivan had sent up Anton earlier since he wouldn’t use the swimming pool showers and the boy took an age to get ready. “I’ll be up in a minute.”

Ivan ran a hand through his damp hair; the shower driers at the pool weren’t working efficiently. Ivan sighed, he’d need to report it again. Damn archaic plumbing in these old houses. Like being in Vorkosigan House. He walked into the ground floor office and Eve faced him, her eyes widened and she cleared her throat. “Ah…hi?”

Ivan was relieved she stayed leaning against his desk. He remained in the doorway and tightened the belt around his robe - it was all he was wearing apart from his slippers. “I…hello. I wasn’t expecting you until –” Ivan checked his wristcom that he’d only just reactivated and there was the message that Eve had arrived early and as requested she had been escorted to the downstairs office. No wonder his guards had given him that stuffed look. Damn them for not saying anything. Did they really think he wanted to meet someone in just his robe? “Have you been waiting long?” he asked, hearing the stiffness in his voice and not liking it.

She wasn’t laughing but her eyes were alight. “Only six minutes. Is it that?” She pointed to Anton’s school blazer lying on the chair. “That why you’re here?”

Ivan walked over and picked it up. “Yes, how did you know?”

“I’m a spy,” she said and then laughed. “You came in here with a purpose, obviously weren’t expecting me and it’s that time of day. I can wait while sort out the youngen. I have time.”

“Thank you.” Ivan nodded. “I won’t be long.” And he tried to make a dignified exit to sort out his ‘youngen’. Anton had a particular routine in the morning and most of the time he was an easy-going child but he could have his moments when certain things didn’t follow his expectations. Ivan wanted to deal with Eve as soon as he could so of course that was the morning that Pax _helpfully_ put mixed berry jam on Anton’s blinis and Anton went catatonic. “The jam goes _at the side_! You should have let Anjelica do it! You’ve ruined everything!”

**

Ivan returned, dressed this time, to his ground floor office. “Sorry I kept you.”

“S’fine.” Eve swallowed and pointed to the blinis. “Thanks for these. They’re good. You want some?”

Since she was sat behind his desk, Ivan moved a chair to sit adjacent to her. He knew better than to block her eyeline to the exit. He looked down at the tray he’d asked to be sent down and she’d demolished half of the blinis, most of the chocolate sauce, half the jam and left all the savoury condiments.

“I’ll just have some coffee thanks.” He poured the coffee and noticed that she’d had some in her cup. The tea was untouched. “You drink coffee now?” he asked and she nodded when he offered to top her cup up.

She wiped the corner of her mouth with her finger and then did the same with a napkin as if she didn’t believe she didn’t have anything on her face. “Yeah, I developed a taste for it. Had to really. It was everywhere wherever I_…worked _– I like it now.” She stared at the last of the blinis and Ivan nudged the tray closer to her. “Please. I’ve already eaten,” he lied.

She looked at him and with her fork speared two of the blinis on to a plate and placed it in front of him. “We can share the last four. Anton off to school?”

Ivan grunted. “Eventually.”

Her look was sympathetic. “Food or clothing? With Jamie it was always his clothing where he’d get into an early morning tizz. Usually just as we were about to walk out the door.”

Ivan laughed. “It was food.” Ivan told her about the drama and why he took so long to return to her. He spooned a small amount of cream cheese on to his blini, and watched as she smeared chocolate and jam on hers. She took a careful bite and Ivan tried not stare at she ate in small mouthfuls. “I don’t have too long I’m afraid,” Ivan said, “but you wanted to see me before I met with Jamie?”

“Yes.” She sighed. “Better get to it.” But instead she looked around the office. “You don’t use this much do you? It’s very impersonal compared to your embassy office, and the little I saw of your study during our call.” Ivan wasn’t sure what to say to that but she blew out a breath and put her fork down. “It’s my fault really. I know how impatient he is.” She looked at him and waved a hand. “Sorry, let me start at the beginning. Jamie likes you a lot, you know you’ve made a strong impression in him.”

“Vice versa,” Ivan said, “that’s quite a man you’ve raised.” He hadn’t meant the comment to stun her but she just stared at him. “I’m sensing there’s a ‘but’?” Ivan prompted.

“What? Ah yes. But the gossip has made him question whether he’s right about you. It’s not fair but that’s the way it is. So he wants proof.”

Ivan knew this so he wasn’t surprised. “But that’s what the embassy invitation was partly for. The invitation for you both,” he emphasised. Eve looked down at the plate and back to him with an odd smile and for the first time she didn’t seem at ease.

“I know that’s how you see it,” she said, “but it’s on your territory. It’s only half a step to him so I suggested that he should invite you and your family to The Troll Club. Yeah I thought that’s how you’d react.” She appeared amused.

“I don’t know what you mean.”

“A blank look is as telling as a shocked one,” Eve said but she held up her hands. “But I can understand it but it’s not what you think. Once a month there’s a family event. It’s folk, traditional music mainly from Barrayar. It’s over two days and all the more adult entertainment is sealed off. There are rooms for the children to safely play and you wouldn’t recognise the place. Jamie’s not expecting you all to show up but you at least coming to what he regards as his family’s territory is something that would ease his mind.”

Ivan listened but heard something else. “That doesn’t sound like it would be an issue. I would need to check my availability of course,” he said carefully, and do some research, “but there’s more to your visit.” Because she was staring at the glass jars he added, “I can send for some more condiments if you’d like?” Ivan could not believe that she’d managed to consume all the chocolate sauce.

She smiled and shook her head. “No, I’m fine.” She took a sip of coffee. “You’re right that that’s not the main reason I’m here. Jamie doesn’t want to wait. That doesn’t mean you have to give in to him. I’m just telling you to be prepared. This folk event may be run every month but this weekend is one of them and _that’s_ the one he wants you to attend. It’s different as it’s over three days and is a charity event. All proceeds go to Barrayaran veteran and children’s charities.” She met his eyes then. “I know it’s too short notice, especially for someone in your position. Jamie is aware of this but –“

“I understand. He wants his proof now. And I’m assuming that this is a quid pro quo? That he wants me to come to this first before he – before you both – accept my embassy invitation?”

“Yes. I like the way you say condiments,” she said, “it’s so proper.”

“What?” Ivan laughed, taken aback by the sudden change in conversation.

She grinned. “The way you talk. It’s the same but different. I mean you always talked…polished but I guess all these years as a diplomat, it’s just made you more like that – less colloquialisms too. It’s not an insult,” she said, searching his face. “I always liked the way you spoke,” she added softly. Her eyes widened and she stood up suddenly. “So that’s it, I should probably go now,” she said quickly.

Ivan stood. “Well ah, thanks for putting that in context. You’re not keen on this embassy invitation either are you?”

She suddenly became preoccupied with a thread on her jacket sleeve. “I don’t like the pretence. I’ll be going for Jamie’s sake,” she said.

Ivan wasn’t surprised she didn’t like it but he regretted getting Miles to deliver the invite. What had he said? “There’s no pretence in it for me. The invitation is sincere, Eve, even if it also serves a purpose.” She jolted nicely whenever he’d said her name. “I want you both there.”

“Very diplomatic,” she said, with a small smile. “I can see why you’re such an effective ambassador. If you decide to come to the club event your team need to contact me about the club’s security. I know they’ll have questions.” She bit her lip in a way reminiscent of her son. “There is something else. He’s received some messages from Barrayar that I told him to ask you about. I can’t help him with them but I know you’ll know what to do.”

Ivan nodded. “Of course.”

“I can see myself out.

“You know that’s not going to happen.”

“Always the gentleman,” she murmured and he escorted her to the vestibule.

_Condiments?_ Then he remembered how she asked him to repeat certain words because of his accent and that it had the same effect as what he did to her with his hands. Ivan grinned. It looked like she’d remembered it too.

** 

Eve’s visit and Artem’s research on The Troll Club Folk Festival gave Ivan enough time to prepare for his lunch with Jamie and Ivan could see just how much Jamie needed Ivan to come to his grandfather’s Troll Club, where his mother would also be singing (Eve hadn’t mentioned that but he didn’t think it was a deliberate omission.) Jamie didn’t hide his disappointment when Ivan said he’d have to check his calendar but brightened instantly when Ivan said he’d be glad to attend but that he’d unlikely be able to make all three nights. Jamie didn’t expect him to – one evening was enough and he spoke of all the people he wanted to introduce Ivan to who would be there. Jamie’s euphoria was infections but Ivan’s elation was short lived when Jamie showed him the messages he’d received from various Vor families. Ivan was furious at the gall of these people and that it had started so soon.

Jamie frowned. “I didn’t get it but I guess from your reaction Ma was right.”

“What do you mean?”

“She said it’s probably political and that no amount of research would give her the knowledge on how to handle it but that you’d know what to do with them. You do, don’t you?”

Ivan nodded. “Have you answered any of these?”

“No, Ma said not to and not to even acknowledge them. The tech I have is one Ma uses – they won’t be able to even tell that I’ve received these invitations unless I want them too.”

Ivan smiled in relief. “Good, that works in our favour.” The invitations were to dine with them if Jamie was in town and that they’d show him around VS. These were people who wanted a hook into his family and the line of inheritance. Vor families played the long game and Ivan knew without a doubt that all they saw in Jamie was a chess piece. But Ivan knew what to do. “If you don’t mind I’ll draft a response that you can send to all of them and I’ll explain why. Just until you get used to how to handle people like this.”

Jamie nodded. He didn’t seem fazed by it. “Whatever you say. Ma will be happy it’s being dealt with. I’ve been sitting on these a while. She doesn’t know I’ve received so many. It upsets her.”

“The messages?” Ivan was surprised she’d be upset by the content but Jamie shook his head.

“That she can’t advise me, except to tell me not to take my grandfather’s advice which I wouldn’t have anyway.”

“What was his advice?”

“To call them all leeches and tell them to fuck off.” Ivan was glad he wasn’t drinking but he nearly choked anyway. _Ah to see their faces if Jamie did say that_. Jamie shrugged, his eyes alight with amusement. “Grandad’s barks worse than his bite – sometimes.”

“Your grandad’s advice isn’t far wrong, I’ll just be wording it a little differently.”

“You can tell him that. He’s looking forward to seeing you at the club.”

Ivan said nothing and Jamie laughed. “Remember – bark worse than his bite.”

“Sometimes?”

Jamie grinned.


	15. The Troll Club | Barrayaran Folk Festival

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is a link to my I Am Barrayar fic in this chapter which is very short and contains the lyrics but it's not required reading so you can ignore the link as hopefully the explanation is in the chapter.

**The Troll Club**

Aunt Alys took her seat with a wooden expression in stark contrast to Simon who looked around with an eager eye. The different level floors were all filled with multiple tables and soft chairs and sofas of varying colours.

“It’s like a large parlour,” Ekaterin commented, not taking her seat but looking over the rail at the people below, some in small groups, some sitting. It wasn’t a high platform but all the mezzanines had safety rails. “I understand it doesn’t always look like this.”

Alex snorted and hooked his mother’s arm. “No. Trust me, this place is transformed. The rooms are usually– ow.”

Miles looked over to where Nikki stood on Alex’s other side while Alex rubbed his arm. Ekaterin looked at her boys. “I know more about this club than you think but I’ll pretend I don’t if that will ease your mind, Nikki.”

Nikki nodded. “Thanks, Mama. Ignorance is bliss. Sometimes”

Alex laughed. Miles joined them since his aunt wasn’t in the mood for conversation. “Where did Ivan go off too?”

“Jamie wanted to introduce him to more of his friends,” Ekaterin said. “He looked surprised to see us all here. I think he was pleased though,” she added.

“He’s not the only one who’s surprised,” Miles said under his breath, glancing at Aunt Alys and then noting who was coming towards them. He squeezed Ekaterin’s arm and muttered, “Great and Ivan isn’t here.” Miles stepped forward. “Eve, hello.” Miles made the introductions and instead of making an excuse Eve took the offer to sit and sat opposite Aunt Alys.

Marie had asked Eve if she was scared of finally meeting Lady Alys face to face, and Marie didn’t hide her surprise when Eve told her she’d been looking forward to it.

“That’s a beautiful dress, Eve,” Countess Vorkosigan commented breaking the silence. She was being too kind. Eve’s white gown was a simple affair offset by a silver band across her forehead which disappeared into her hair. She was still wearing boots though. But because the countess sounded sincere and only because Eve knew through Miles that there was more to her than that deceptive cool she said, “Thank you, m’lady.”

“Ekaterin please.”

Eve nodded. “Ekaterin it is then and thank you. This isn’t as elegant as your gown but it serves a purpose which you’ll see later. Also all the staff are wearing all white to make it easier if you need anything. Ah good you’ve got some drinks. My friend Marie is very proud of the drink selection – especially the wine.”

Ekaterin turned the wine bottle with her elegant fingers. Her eyes widened. “This is from the South Continent.”

Eve grinned. “Yes, they all are tonight. We try to get as much as possible from Barrayar. It’s all donated except for shipping costs which we cover. The wines give them free advertising which they’re grateful for as they’re trying to penetrate the galactic market.” She waved a hand. “That’s what Marie says. Wine is not my area although I’m sure Marie will drag me to some of the wineries when we’re there this summer.”

“You’ll be on Barrayar this summer?” Lady Alys asked.

“Yes – the South. I have some research to do there at the old POW camps, while my friend explores the explosion of wineries. Marie’s creating some package winery tours. The wine is very good,” she added not that Eve could tell the difference.

“Yes it is,” Simon agreed, tilting his glass towards her.

“Will your son be accompanying you?” Lady Alys asked, as if Simon hadn’t spoken.

Eve shook her head. “No, he’ll be managing his summer camp after a holiday but here on Earth.”

“I see. Interesting career your son has.”

Eve had been waiting for this and angled her head. “_Interesting _you would say that. My son doesn’t have a career – not a single one anyway,” Eve said. “It’s something people often misunderstand about him when they don’t know him.”

“Oh?” Lady Alys asked in a tone of voice which sounded both genuinely inquisitive and chilled the air.

“Yes, he does what interests him and he leaves that interest better than it was at the start.” Eve paused as she thought about it some more. “He’s more like an entrepreneur but he’s not interested in amassing wealth. He never makes a loss and has sold off his most profitable ventures. I wouldn’t try to define his work, m’lady, your grandson,” she emphasised, and enjoyed watching Lady Alys stiffen slightly, “is undefinable except for being someone you should be proud of. So what do you think of our nightclub?”

Lady Alys smiled. “I believe it doesn’t always look like this.”

“You’re right,” Eve admitted. “It’s family friendly at the moment but even if you saw it as it usually is it’s very responsible adult entertainment and nothing as extreme as The Orb on BC.” Apart from one of Miles’s sons behind her failing to suppress a snort, you could’ve heard a pin drop. Yes, Eve knew full well that Lady Alys and Simon had been to The Orb. While that sunk in, lest Lady Alys think to criticise her father’s club, Eve leaned forward and dropped her voice although she was sure Simon could overhear. “I don’t care that you don’t like me so let’s not bullshit each other. You’re here for the same reason I’ll be accepting that embassy invitation, we both love our sons and want smoother paths for them. I’m sure we can tolerate each other in a civil manner for these few days.”

Lady Aly’s lips stretched into an odd smile. “A few days as you say,” she said in a soft voice. Eve nodded. There was no way she was going to get the last word with this woman and Eve had said her piece.

Eve stood and smiled at them all. “Excuse me, I have to go. Enjoy the music. It’ll be starting soon and the final night is always special.”

“May I walk with you,” Ekaterin asked standing. “There was something I wanted to ask. It won’t take long.”

“Of course,” Eve said. Not that she had a choice but Ekaterin didn’t want to talk about Jamie. Ekaterin was fascinated by Eve’s Southern trip. Eve hadn’t known that that was where the countess was from and then they got to talking about one of Eve’s favourite scholars, her aunt Professora Vorthys.

**

Marcus stood with his wide, muscled arms folded, and Ivan waited. The small office shrank further under Marcus’s stare but Ivan refused to step back or break the silence. The soundproofed room, at the back of the club, kept the music out and the sound in, as his security pointed out when Ivan insisted they remained outside. But Ivan was sure Marcus never meant any serious harm. 90% sure.

“I always knew you were trouble,” Marcus said. 

Ivan refused to be baited. “That was a long time ago.”

“What was a long time ago? You fighting in my club or,” Marcus’s eyes wrinkled to slits as his eyes narrowed, “you getting my Eve pregnant?”

_Ouch_. There was no way to prepare for this conversation but Ivan had dealt with many more hostile people than Eve’s father. “I’m proud to know Jamie,” Ivan said carefully, “even if it’s only now I’m getting that chance.”

Marcus grunted. “What she did was for Jamie, not herself.” Ivan only nodded. He’d heard enough to know that was true but it didn’t lessen the lost years and Ivan knew better than to say anything that would be considered criticism of Marcus’s beloved daughter. Marcus stepped forward almost nose to nose. “You hurt them I do not care about Vor or ambassador. You understand?”

Ivan nodded. “But I am going to be part of Jamie’s life for as long as he lets me, whatever you have to say about it. Do you understand?”

Marcus may have smiled, Ivan wasn’t sure about that twist in his lips. Marcus tapped his ear. “Yes.” The door opened and Jamie entered, closely followed by two of Ivan’s security. Ivan’s look made them retreat back outside. Jamie only had eyes for his grandfather and Ivan. “Ma sent me,” he said.

Interesting, Ivan thought. Who was she worried about? Ivan had hardly seen her. He knew she’d be busy but he got the feeling it was more than that. Ivan staggered as Marcus slapped Ivan on the back. “It is fine,” Marcus stated. “Let us have something that is not wine. One of my own.”

Jamie shook his head with a laugh. “Grandad, _no_. Not that, not today. He has to go – Ma said Anton’s looking for him. Nothing to worry about,” he added.

“Another time,” Marcus said with the kind of smile that made Ivan relieved to be leaving. They shook hands – Marcus almost crushing Ivan’s hand – and parted.

Jamie had lied to escape sampling Marcus’s ‘lethal home brew’. “Trust me, you don’t want to try it,” Jamie insisted. Ivan thought about going to see Anton anyway. Not that Anton would appreciate it; Eve had arranged entertainment for the children and since Anton’s friend Tomas was at the club Anton was thoroughly distracted. “Was it a lie about your mother sending you too?” Ivan asked.

“No, that was the truth.” Jamie stopped at the doors into the main club. He turned to Ivan. “You have time for a chat?”

“Of course but don’t you have to go back out there?”

“I have time. We can go in here.” Jamie stepped back and scanned in; the door opened to a small richly decorated room in shades of blues and greens. Ivan’s security checked the room and when they stared at the other door in the room Jamie said, “That room is off-limits.”

“You heard the boy,” Ivan said, kicking out his shadows and Jamie closed the door. “This back area is bigger than I thought it would be,” Ivan observed, “and quiet.”

“Not many people come back here but Ma will be fine with us being in this room.”

“These are your mother’s rooms?” Ivan asked, hesitating before he sank into the deep sofa. The room was lined with bookshelves but most of them were empty. Ivan tried to find a trace of something personal, something Eve, in the room and although he couldn’t see anything specific something felt familiar.

“She uses them now and then.” Jamie took the opposite armchair, unbuttoning his jacket as he sat down at the edge the seat. He leaned forward. “I am glad you’re here,” he said bluntly.

Ivan, unsure where this was heading since Jamie looked troubled, responded with a light, “Glad to be here.” Jamie chewed his lip and Ivan waited for the inevitable ‘but…’

“But this isn’t your kind of thing, is it?”

Ivan hadn’t really been able to hide that since he spent half the time away from the music talking to people. “I liked some of it – that set last night, those dual violinists and those dancers. They were ah – what’s the word?”

“Sexy?” Jamie asked. He smiled. “They’re not called _The Sirens_ for nothing – this is a lot different from their usual erotic sets. They’ll be one of the last performers tonight – Ma likes to send everyone home with a lighter tone.”

“You don’t agree?”

Jamie shook his head. “Ma’s is the most powerful set but that’s not what I wanted to talk about.” Jamie said. “I don’t want you to think you have to come here again.”

Ivan thought things were going well but he’d got to know that with Jamie there was always more to it. “You don’t like me being here?”

“A whole evening with entertainment you mostly don’t like? No.”

“Ah.”

“I didn’t want you here just to prove a point although that was part of it,” Jamie said with a rueful smile, “So I’m glad you came but it was alright that you didn’t stay too long, but tonight you’re here all evening. Look, it’s great that your family came today and I’ve liked meeting them, I meant that but today feels forced and it’s not how I want things. It’s not how I want things between us.” Ivan did understand – how young Jamie was; how much Jamie didn’t understand.

“I’m here,” Ivan said carefully, “to support my son and lucky for me I’ve also got to see you work and meet even more of your friends. I’m having a great time, Jamie, getting to know you more. You’re right the music isn’t all to my taste but who cares – that’s not what matters._ You_ matter.” Jamie digested that in silence and Ivan added, “Try to keep that in mind when you come to the embassy dinner – it’s not going to be like this, we’ll have some entertainment but nothing like this and as you know you’ll also be there to prove a point too.” Jamie laughed at that. “But you’ll mainly be there because I want my son there. Nothing’s being forced, Jamie. It’s time well spent.”

Jamie sighed. “Time. I know we can’t undo anything,” he said slowly as if weighing his words for once, “and I do regret not finding you sooner but then I don’t regret it because – it’s not just us, is it? It’s your family and mine and a lot of stuff in between.” Jamie stood and ran a hand through his hair. “I’m going to stop thinking about it and just – we have to move on, right? We can’t get any time back.”

Ivan stood too. “No, we can’t and we shouldn’t try. We move on and we’ll find a way to be part of each other’s lives because that’s what we both want, right?” Ivan asked.

“Yes.” Jamie nodded. “Yes.”

“Good and thank you for talking to me about this and being honest with me. I will try and do the same for both our sakes.”

“You make it easy,” Jamie said. He studied Ivan’s face and smiled. “I like getting to know you too and thanks.”

“For what?”

Jamie kissed Ivan’s cheek and hugged him. “Thanks for being my father.”

** 

Ivan found Eve in one of the Relaxation rooms where people could escape the music and the crowds. He had gone in there because Moira asked to meet him in there but he found Pax there instead dancing with two young girls in tutus and a young boy who looked like he was clutching an expensive theatre programme. Eve caught his eye and he took that as an invitation and went to sit next to her.

“They’re fans of his,” Eve said before he could speak, “their parents asked and your kind son said he didn’t mind. The young boy was very nervous.” Eve sounded odd. Not at all as relaxed as she was when she’d met him at his home. “Those children are so young too and so talented. Was your son a dancer at that age?”

Ivan decided to let her take the lead in the conversation. This wasn’t really the place for any intimate conversation. “Yes. He used to dance with his mother all the time, they all did but Pax was a natural.” He smiled. “They used to put on little shows together. We bored everyone with the vids every chance we got. Do you want to see them? We could do an exchange?” he asked it lightly but it appeared to upset her.

“Yes, yes of course you’d want to see Jamie’s childhood vids. Sorry, I didn’t even think to –“

“It’s alright,” he said, “we have plenty of time. And no warning Jamie. I want to see all the embarrassing ones too.”

He had hoped to make her smile but it didn’t quite catch. “There are plenty of those,” she said, her voice dropped lower. “I should have thought about the vids. If there is anything more you want to know you’ll have to tell me. We never did continue our conversation- was it enough? What I told you about my decisions and –”

“Yes.” He could feel all the eyes on them. He lowered his voice. “And this isn’t really the place to discuss it, is it?” She stiffened and he kicked himself. He hadn’t meant it come out that way. “Eve –“

“I’m not an idiot,” she said, “I didn’t intend to discuss it in detail and even if I did,” she tapped her wristcom, “don’t you think I have ways of masking conversations?” Her frown deepened and Ivan saw who had caught her eye. “Hello Nadia,” Eve said, standing up, “can I help you?” Ivan stood too as they both faced the Vervaini ambassador

“Sorry to interrupt,” Nadia said with that thin, sharp smile. “I’ve just heard about the Escobarran President. Is there no leeway, chick?”

“Yes, the leeway is hers,” Eve said. “How did you find out?”

“It’s a shame don’t you think?” Nadia asked, ignoring Eve’s question and turning to Ivan, who had no idea what she was going on about. “Barring Isabella Aregui from the club, especially from a charity event.”

Ivan hoped he hid his surprise. _Damn, Isabella. What is she up to?_

“The Escobarrans refused to secure their weapons, Nadia,” Eve said, “weapons are not permitted on these premises. I don’t care about their licenses or immunity.”

Nadia raised an eyebrow. “Not even for the Escobarran President?” Nadia asked Eve but she was watching Ivan.

“Why are you looking at the Ambassador,” Eve asked bluntly. “This club belongs to my family.”

“So sharp, chick. But aren’t you_ all_ now family?” she asked in a saccharine tone.

“I had no idea you and the President were such close friends,” Eve said, folding her arms. “I’m sure she’d love to hear how you’re fighting her corner but I guess that’s your point.”

Nadia’s smile faded but she quickly recovered. “Just trying to help, chick. Excuse me, better check on my Tomas.” They both watched her leave before Eve turned to face Ivan.

“Before you say anything,” Eve said, “it only just happened and I had more important things to deal with.”

“More important than you barring the Escobarran President?” Ivan asked. He couldn’t hide his incredulity.

“It wasn’t her at the door, it was her staff.” Her eyes narrowed. “And yes, the rules still apply – even against your Escobarran _friend_. I don’t care what political games you’re playing but you don’t get to tell me what to do here, Ambassador.”

“I never said that,” Ivan said. “But I can help you deal with any repercussions.”

“I don’t need your help.”

“You asked for my help with Jamie, why is this any different? And you can’t trust Nadia – she’s the Vervaini ambassador for a reason.”

“And you’re the Barrayaran ambassador,” Eve snapped, startling him. “I’ve lived here most of my life that includes stints in_ your_ embassy, if you think I have no idea what a backstabbing, vicious place it is you’re wrong. And just because I asked for your help with Jamie it doesn’t mean I’m some incompetent idiot.”

“Eve-“

“I have to go do some more _non-important_ things,” she said, “If you’re leaving now make sure you pick up Anton’s party bag.”

**

“This is where people sneak off because they don’t want anyone to see them weep.”

Miles and Ekaterin had been speaking to Marie about the South, wineries and her fascinating tourism work. Her husband Bash was with Alex somewhere talking art. Eve’s last set was one song, then there would be a break and then someone else would sing the last set to end the evening.

“It’s a moving song,” Miles admitted.

Marie stared at him. “You’ve not heard Eve sing it, have you? It’s not just the song. I’ve seen stone cold bastards crumble when they hear this.”

Miles thought she was exaggerating. It was a stirring song and he’d heard it before.

But not like this.

Eve stood alone on the stage with a single violinist who only played an intro and all you could hear was Eve’s voice filling the club where she made every verse her own. The song was raw with Barrayar’s pain and you could hear it. When Eve sang[ I Am Barrayar](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12498052) Miles believed it. And over Eve’s body projected on her white dress and all over the stage suddenly appeared the names of the dead and missing from all the memorials on Barrayar – the names running into each other because there were so many. If people weren’t crying before they were now with that mix of sorrow and pride that was Barrayar. Miles would’ve bet that most people requested their donations go towards the Veterans fund – until a group of small barefoot children walked on stage also dressed in white, they surrounded her and pointed behind Eve where she turned and it got brighter, the names rising up and transforming into Barrayar and a saffron sunrise, and as Eve sang the last line with the violinist she was led off stage by the children.

After a pause of stunned silence there was thunderous applause. “That’s the most manipulative thing I’ve ever seen,” Aunt Alys said, her voice hoarse. 

“And beautiful too,” Ekaterin said. “Don’t you think, Miles?” But Miles was distracted. He’d seen something in Ivan’s face as he watched Eve, and then Ivan saw Miles looking and his face blanked as he turned away.

“Something wrong?” Ekaterin whispered.

“I hope not,” Miles murmured and inwardly swore as he realised Lady Alys had seen it too.


	16. Embassy Part 1 | Uniforms and Sharks | And a Sense of Humour

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Story so far (since it's been a while): In an effort to diffuse the toxic gossip, and Jamie's need for proof from his father that he's not influenced by it, the Vorpatrils and Vorkosigans have been entertained at Jamie's grandfather's Troll Club - the Barrayaran folk festival (funds to veteran and children charities - donate generously). Eve sang, and Jamie and Ivan reached a happy understanding. Eve refused to allow the Escobaran president into the club because they refused to relinquish their weapons and this led to a little tiff between her and Ivan. Now it's Jamie and Eve's turn to go the embassy to show all is well between the new families...

**Eve's Apartment**

Marie tipped her wine glass towards Jamie before demolishing half its contents. She stared and shook her head. “It’s_ uncanny_. You look so like your father. High Vor all the way.”

Jamie stood straighter. “This is all it takes?” he asked in a deep Barrayaran accent. 

Eve shivered. The house uniform fit him perfectly. The blue and gold colours suited his colouring and –_ my God, he looks the part._ Eve couldn’t get over it and tried to digest this new image. She and Marie stared in silence until Jamie’s forehead began to crease and reflect her concern in his eyes. “Don’t mind us,” Eve said, “we’re just proud of how you’re taking all this in your stride. You look good - wonderful.”

“It’s just a uniform, Ma.”

“It’s more to them than that,” Marie said, “you do get that?”

Jamie slid his finger between his neck and the collar. “I get that these archaic trappings are part of my father’s world. Don’t wince, Ma.” His grin lit his green eyes bright. “I’m not going to say it to their faces. I’ll wear this this evening but I’ve made it clear that I’m not going to wear it regularly.”

“No one will expect you to,” Eve said giving Marie a sharp look before she said otherwise. “Even those children don’t wear the colours except for special occasions. Your father’s generation tend to wear it more. But Marie’s right, it’s not just a uniform – to them it’s a sign of respect and honour too but I know you understand,” she added quickly as Jamie got that _I know this _look_._ “Get them to loosen the collar. It should become more comfortable the more you wear it.”

“That’s what my father said. We talked about happened at the Troll Club too,” Jamie said taking a glass of wine from Marie, “with Isabella Aregui, he said he was fine with how we handled it.”

Eve nearly dropped her glass. “He said what?”_ Who the hell does he think he is! _“He was _fine _about it?” Eve asked, incredulous. “We don’t need his damn approval. It’s got nothing to do with him!”

Both Jamie and Marie were staring at her as if she’d grown an extra head.

“He didn’t mean it like that, Ma,” Jamie said. “You have to admit this affects him more than it affects us but he’s not bothered about it.”

“That’s good,” Marie said, “some people wouldn’t understand. I guess it’s what makes him such a respected ambassador, right Eve?”

Marie’s strident tone and Jamie’s perplexed look made Eve bite down on her fury. “Yes, he’s very diplomatic,” Eve managed to say through gritted teeth. “But I don’t see why he should get points for acting like a rational person.”

Jamie chewed on his lip, his smiles all gone. “Ma, you’re still alright about going to this dinner? If you’re not -”

“No, no it’s fine,” Eve said, trying to smile to erase the doubt she could hear in his voice. “Of course it’s fine.” Like she would ever abandon him. “So who was there at the house when you went for your swim?” Eve asked, as Jamie now joined his father for an early morning swim daily with the other children sometimes there.

After Jamie left to get ready in his own apartment, Marie took the wine glass from Eve. “What are you doing? You know more than one glass sends you squiffy. You need a clear head tonight and we need to talk about tonight.”

“What’s to talk about? I’m going to spend the evening being patronised by the Vor village and you’re insisting I go sober.”

Marie sighed. “Eve, you can’t go to this thing with this pissy attitude; it helps no one. Jamie knows something is wrong”

“I’m not –“

“I don’t know what happened between you and the ambassador at The Troll Club but you have to get over it or clear the air. This evening is for Jamie. It’s like a High Vor baptism for him especially after the folk event backfired.”

“Backfired?” Eve echoed. “You think it backfired?”

Startled by this assessment Eve went into the kitchen and took out some cake. Marie followed and amended her statement – yes it was good because people got to meet Jamie and see the Vorpatrils all there and Jamie got to meet the family again under better circumstances and he also spent a lot of time with his father. “But, and it’s a big but, Eve, all the village is talking about is you barring the Escobarran President, and that they saw you and the ambassador arguing and they’re speculating why.”

Eve sat on the kitchen counter and ate several spoonfuls of cake while Marie watched. “I told you, we didn’t argue. He made arrogant assumptions I disagreed with. He doesn’t know me.” And it shouldn’t matter and she wished it didn’t.

“Tonight is about Jamie not you,” Marie said bluntly. “All you have to be is civil and let them talk about themselves. They love that.” Mari sighed. “It would’ve been better if they didn’t all know you were responsible for the club’s security.”

Eve frowned. “What, and have them blame my father?”

“It is his nightclub and yes, blaming Marcus would be better especially as he relishes that kind of thing.” Marie met Eve’s stare. “I’m just being honest.” Eve had to admit this was true- her father loved a fight. “It was strange though, wasn’t it,” Marie added, “the way Jamie kept saying ‘my father’. I still can’t get used to it.”

“Me neither,” Eve said. “I never thought that – I mean, I’m glad they get on so well, of course I am but it’s…strange.” And she was ashamed of the pangs of jealousy that arose with all the time Jamie was spending with his father. “I can’t get used to it either. The ambassador is so involved already, helping him with all this Vor comms crap.”

Marie pointed at her. “Ah, so that’s it!”

“That’s what?”

“It’s killing you that you can’t advise Jamie on everything High Vor and his father can!” Marie said bluntly. “You’ve been able to help Jamie with everything but you can’t with this. Well you think I don’t feel it too? He’s like my own, Eve. I’ve loved that boy from birth and my being Vor can’t help – I’m an expat pseudo Vor and High Vor is something else. But he’s not an idiot and we have to trust his father, right? You trust Ambassador Vorpatril?”

Eve kicked herself, hearing the anxiety in Marie’s question; of course Marie would be feeling this too. Silver’s words rose up in Eve’s head: _Remember you trust him with Jamie for a reason._

“I trust him,” Eve said firmly, “he won’t steer him wrong.”

“No,” Marie said, her relief palpable, “I don’t think so either. Look, I know it’s not easy but it would be harder if Jamie was a child but he’s not; he’s got a good head on his shoulders and you’re still his mother – no one can take that from you. You just try and get through tonight without any more controversy.”

“I don’t_ court_ controversy, Marie. It just hunt’s me down.”

“Well just be careful and for God’s sake try and rein in your more controversial views tonight. You can still be yourself without being so much yourself, Eve.”

“What views?”

“The Aral Vorkosigan statue for one.”

“Oh that. Of course I won’t mention that. I wish you could sit with us.”

Marie placed her hands on the cake box and Eve let her take it from her. “You know I can’t, Eve, but I’ll see you when the dancing starts. If you want me to fake an emergency, just signal but -”

“I have to stay for at least three hours for Jamie’s sake to show we can handle it. I know. All part of the show.”

“What’s the worst that could happen?” Marie asked then winced. “Sorry.”

**

**The Barrayaran Embassy**

Artem called Eve to ask if she could arrive earlier as the ambassador wanted to go through the evening’s programme. So that meant an early arrival for Eve and Jamie – who disappeared to have his tunic adjusted. But in the end the ambassador couldn’t see her due to meetings; he sent an apology via Artem who disappeared as swiftly as his sorry. Eve declined the offer to escort her to the reception area saying she knew the way but instead of going there she diverted to the empty courtyard where the fountain and forbidding statue of Aral Vorkosigan held pride of place.

She stifled a groan when she saw_ him_ coming towards her_. Not even here five minutes and already the evening is going downhill._

“So you’re here,” Christoph said, striding towards her, after leaving the willowy brunette under the arch. She was dressed in blue and grey just like Christoph. Marie would laugh her head off. Chris was always trying to get him and Eve to wear matching outfits.

“What are you doing here?” Eve asked.

“Fine greeting,” he said. “I didn’t know you’d be here. I’m part of the GN delegation,” he practically preened. Eve had a very low opinion of the Galactic Nations but she couldn’t ignore that Christoph’s ambition and experience meant that this could be nothing but a plum position.

“Congratulations,” she said flatly.

“Since we’re both here early I couldn’t ignore you,” he said.

“I wouldn’t mind if you did, Chris. Give it a try, please. Let’s ignore each other all evening; I’m sure your girlfriend would prefer it. I don’t think she’s happy with you right now.”

Christoph didn’t even look back at the scowling woman, he continued to stare at Eve, his intense grey eyes boring down into her. “Is that all you have to say to me?” he asked, suddenly furious. Some things never changed. “After everything I tried to do for you and all the lies you told me?” How had she forgotten his dramatics? She was taken aback for a moment but Chris as usual wasn’t looking for an answer, he ploughed on, “If you’d told me who Jamie’s father was instead of making out he was some kind of criminal I could’ve advised you and –“

“Criminal?” she echoed. “My God,” Eve stabbed him in the chest with her finger, “it was you! You’re the idiot who gave Jamie that stupid idea! I told you not to speculate with Jamie about his father, Chris. You had no right!”

That made him smile. “So JJ didn’t tell you we talked about it. What does that say about you that he hid that from you? How does he still trust you after this? You know you could’ve saved his career and you didn’t and now you’ve made things worse for him with his father. His father is practically fucking royalty, Eve. How could you handle this so badly?”

Eve took a step back and folded her arms. Once she would’ve stood there defending herself to Chris’s deaf ears. Their circular arguments ending in silence, his edged apologies leading to make-up sex and then on repeat until she broke the cycle and realised she had nothing to prove, and what an idiot she’d been. Her measured breaths enhanced her calm. “I would do it all again,” Eve said softly, “you don’t know Jamie at all, if you did you wouldn’t keep calling him JJ when he’s asked you not to. This conversation is over.”

“_I’ve_ not finished what I have to say.”

Chris stepped back when Eve’s smiled. “But I’ve finished listening,” Eve said, “and if I try to leave and you follow I will incapacitate you, and you know I’m not joking. We’re done, Chris. We are _done_.”

“You’ve said that before,” he said with a sudden smug smile._ Don’t hit him. Don’t hit him._ He paled and held up his hands in surrender and dropped them suddenly as the ambassador and Artem walked towards them. The ambassador gave them both that nod which seemed so much like a bow. He was wearing his house uniform but looked so very different from Jamie and evoked very different feelings; her stomach tilted in a pleasant way she wished it wouldn’t.

“I thought we could have that meeting now, Eve. Apologies for keeping you waiting and for interrupting.”

“You weren’t interrupting at all, Ambassador,” Eve said. Eve refused to introduce Chris so he introduced himself, shook the ambassador’s hand and just as Eve thought she was going to be forced to listen to Chris promote himself, the ambassador offered Eve his arm, gave Chris a blinding smile, nodded and they walked away. Eve tried, really tried, not to be impressed by the high-handed way he dealt with Chris but she knew she was going to be replaying those few seconds for years to come.

“How much of that conversation did you hear?” Eve asked, peering around the mulberry and cream decorated room the ambassador led her to, Artem and the security remaining outside.

“I’m not sure,” he replied, and looked down at his sleeve. “It’s quite clean you know.” She looked at him confused. “My arm,” he explained, “you let it go so quickly I thought it had offended you in some way.” He sniffed it and Eve laughed. He smiled and gestured to her sit down and they both sat on a sofa facing the door; Eve sitting on the edge and moved back so her knees didn’t collide with his long legs. “I didn’t have to hear much to see a rescue was needed.”

She stiffened. “I didn’t need a rescue.”

“I meant _him._ You looked like you were going to push him in the fountain and the embassy fish are very sensitive. I can’t have them abused in that way.”

She shook her head, unable to stop another laugh from bursting out. “So you do still have a sense of humour.”

He studied her. “I don’t know what you mean. I’m not the one who’s lost their sense of humour.”

“I hope you’re not implying that I have?” Eve asked.

He held up his hands and laughed. “This is the problem and why I wanted to talk to you about this evening. We keep misunderstanding each other, like at the club.”

“Oh really? And what did I misunderstand?” she asked.

He leaned forward. “That my help is here if you need it. That was all. I never meant to imply anything else,” he said firmly. “I wouldn’t hesitate to go to someone like you if I needed security advice.”

And he knew the politics and people better than she did. Of course she knew that. Eve sighed, her recent conversation with Marie fresh in her mind. “Perhaps I was a_ little_ defensive at the club. I know you’re the best person to help Jamie navigate your world and I trust you to do it.” She blew out a long breath. “It’s just a new letting go for me and I have to admit I’m finding it more…”

“Challenging?” Ivan asked.

“Is that diplomatic speak? Yes, more_ challenging_ than I thought.”

“You do know that you’ve helped Jamie already? The way you’ve raised him – that boy knows himself and he’s not lacking in intelligence or a sense of humour - which as you know helps since we both have one.”

She laughed and wondered how anyone could resist that infectious grin of his. “I can’t take all the credit for Jamie but thank you for saying it and for your offer of help. Thanks.”

He put his hand out. “Let’s start again. I am Ambassador Vorpatril, please call me Ivan.”

She shook his hand and laughed shakily, the warmth of his hand spread to her insides. “Eve and you are already calling me Eve. You do know that after today we probably won’t need to see each other again. Not like this anyway.”

“Then you’ll have no issue with calling me Ivan. So that young fellow you were speaking to, I take it he’s a previous acquaintance.”

She couldn’t tell if he was fishing or if he knew and was being polite but there was no point in hiding it. “He’s not that young and he’s my ex,” she said, “we all have them I suppose. The ones we regret.” She looked at him, realising what she’d said. “I bet you don’t have any, apart from me,” she said drily. He stared at her with a strange look and she let go of his hand and stood. “Well, anyway, what is it you wanted to talk to me about?”

He stood too. “About the format for this evening.”

“Aren’t those things usually left to your social secretary?” she asked.

“Yes but,” he shook his head, “it’s best I explain myself rather than have Clara do it or my daughter Allie – she assists Clara but will be leaving in a few days for Barrayar.”

“Jamie mentioned that; her husband was injured in a training exercise?” Eve hadn’t enquired too hard into Allie’s husband’s injury but the vagueness of his ship’s location when it happened made her wonder if it was more than a training exercise but it wasn’t any of her business; not that she had the credentials anymore to satisfy her curiosity.

He nodded. “Nothing dire but after treatment he’ll be riding a desk for a while. Allie will likely stay on Barrayar for a long while for as long as he’s there.” He paused, his smile strained as if he’d only just realised he’d be parted from his daughter. 

“You miss her already,” Eve said softly, wanting to comfort him but not knowing how.

“Yes.” He waved a hand. “But that’s neither here nor there. Right-oh. I will be the one escorting you into dinner with my family,_ if_ you don’t object to taking my arm?”

This was being choreographed after all. She had to remember that. None of this was real. “I don’t object although I had planned on going in with my son but I’m guessing you have plans for Jamie?”

“He’ll be escorting my mother.”

Eve laughed. “Sorry, I just – “she tried to picture it and failed. “I really do not know what to say to that. _Whose _idea was that?”

“Mine,” he said with a grin. “Can we sit back down and I’ll explain who will be at our table. I don’t want you to feel blindsided.”

Ivan explained the arrangements and it was obvious that it wasn’t all his choice not with the Escobaran President Isabella Aregui and the Galactic Affairs minister being there. 

“Did I cause any issues with you and the President?” Eve asked. It was no secret that Isabella Aregui had been displeased that Ivan had moved to the Earth embassy from Escobar six years ago. There were rumours about them which Eve dismissed – the Escobarans never kept those kind of affairs quiet.

“Nothing I couldn’t handle and no matter how petty the Escobarrans can be, the President will always put Escobar first.” He smiled at Eve. “I doubt she’ll mention the incident at The Troll Club; she’ll likely ignore you deliberately and make petty gestures but that’s all they are.”

Eve laughed. “Understood. And if she doesn’t ignore me I’ll know who to go to for advice.”

**

“He’s handling this well,” Ekaterin said. They were watching Jamie speaking to a few people, Allie at his side. They had all coordinated the evening so that Jamie would always have someone from the family nearby. Ivan was not taking any chances. Jamie didn’t seem to need it; he was conversing with the various guests as if he’d known all these people all his life. “He looks so much like Ivan,” Ekaterin said thoughtfully.

Miles grunted. “A much, much younger Ivan, and only from far away.” Once up close Jamie’s bright green eyes and ready laughter were not at all like the Ivan of today. Not usually. Ivan was speaking to two guests with Eve at his side. Ivan laughed again and leaned down to whisper something to Eve and she joined in the laughter. Miles frowned.

“I’m glad Jamie’s enjoying himself,” Ekaterin said. “He’s a sensible boy too which helps.” She glanced from Eve to Miles. “Something wrong? You look concerned.”

Miles met his wife’s shrewd eyes with a smile. “Not concerned yet.”

** 

“That time?” Eve asked.

“Yes.” Ivan moved closer, his smile gone, “I’m sorry–“

“Don’t apologise again,” she said with a laugh. “I understand. Are you sure you still want me to sit at the main table. Alright don’t give me that look.” She patted his arm. “Honestly, it’s fine besides I’ve got a better alternative.” Ivan grunted in response and finally smiled again.

Ivan’s social secretary nodded to Ivan from across the room as the Escobaran President entered with a small entourage. Ivan walked forward and a hush descended as President Isabella Aregui glided in, in a stunning silver gown looking like glowing star and outshining everyone in the room. It would be her Ivan would be escorting into dinner due to the Minister pulling rank and upsetting Ivan’s original plan.

Franz brought in the newly arrived Anton who grinned at her and waved. He looked so adorable in his house uniform. Anton thankfully was no longer confused and quite reconciled that Eve wasn’t his mother and now referred to her as his ‘good friend’. “You ready?” Eve whispered.

“Yes, I’ve been to the toilet! I don’t need to go again.” Anton said firmly and loudly, upstaging the President and ruining her grand entrance. Eve made sure she didn’t catch Ivan’s eye as she stifled a laugh

“Glad to hear it, Anton.” She took Anton’s hand and Clara directed her on where to join the rest of the family for their walk into the dining hall and ballroom. Eve was behind Jamie and Lady Alys but unfortunately couldn’t hear their conversation. Eve had that feeling she had when Jamie went for his first open water swim – trying to be supportive in the terror of him diving into an uncontrollable environment. _Here be dragons. And sharks._


	17. Embassy Part 2 | Moira Learns About Ivan's Hands | Jamie Tastes Barrayar | Persimmon

Jamie hadn’t sat near her at the dinner but she could hear his laughter now and then. The dinner had gone well although Eve wasn’t prepared for so many courses. Eve spent most of the time speaking to Alex, Allie and Ekaterin on her side of the table- away from Ivan, the minister and President. Allie was going out of her way to be nice to her and they had certainly prepared. They peppered Eve with questions about her research on the forgotten women of Barrayar. 

After the dinner ended, everyone moved into the ballroom and the various tables at the perimeter and smaller rooms off the floor. Eve had agreed to meet with Jamie later for an update; she’d hardly spoken to him and she left him to the Vorpatrils so they could implement the next part of their plan – to introduce Jamie to various people.

It was too soon for Eve to leave and find her friends so she allowed Ekaterin to steer her to a table in one of the open rooms off the ballroom. Moira joined them, questioning Eve about her paper on Ludmilla ‘Drou’ Droushnakovi Koudelka. After gathering her dessert from the ample buffet dessert spread Eve answered Moira with much amusement, as it was obvious that Moira couldn’t quite believe it had been Eve’s work or her reasons for writing it.

“Da’s very close to Drou,” Moira said. “Seems a bit of coincidence you writing a paper on her.”

“Yes it is, isn’t it?” Eve asked suppressing a laugh. “Drou was one of a number of women I interviewed who don’t realise how remarkable they are. It was an honour to meet her. She was one of the rarer female Imperial bodyguards and as you know, instrumental in rescuing your father and your Uncle Miles during the pretendership. She’s been overlooked for too long, as many women have. Professora Vorthys knew that more than most,” Eve added trying to steer the conversation away from her own work but Moira wasn’t having it. Eve wondered if anyone ever got the last word around this child.

“I would have thought with all the papers you’ve written you would’ve at least produced a book by now,” Moira stated, “surely that would be a better way to promote this hidden history. No one reads these dry academic papers except for academics.”

“I think what Moira is trying to say,” Ekaterin said, giving her niece a hard look, “is a collection of your papers would show your work in another light.”

Eve laughed. “Thank-you,” and she turned to Moira. “And you’re right – it’s why my friend Marie has pop-up Barrayaran exhibitions in her tourist office – not just of my work. Until there is more done outside academia there will be a lot that is hidden especially for those women who are in the less elite levels of society.”

“So that’s all you’ve done?” Moira asked. “A pop up in a tourist office? What about on Barrayar?”

“Oh I gave up on that,” Eve said with a shrug. “The Ministry of Culture – or whatever they’re called these days – has changed their ministers so many times that any push for exhibits, museum space or statues or anything related to something other than they have gets buried somewhere. To get things done Barrayar is still very much who you know.”

Moira sniffed. “Sounds like an excuse to me, people often say that when they give up too easily.”

Eve grinned. “Perhaps. So enough about me – what are your plans?” Eve remembered that the LGS graduation age was sixteen. “You must have one year left?” 

Moira smiled. “No, I’m graduating this year, a year early. I’ll be in college in the autumn.”

“College here?” Eve asked.

“I’ll see,” she said, “I have many colleges I could go to.” 

Eve sensed some tension at the challenging look Moira gave her aunt who said nothing but sipped her wine. Eve got the force of Moira’s intense glare and smiled in return, knowing better than to point out how young she was. “Well I hope you have family or friends at whichever planet your college is based, and that you’re not on your own.”

Moira’s face contorted into a deep scowl. “I can take care of myself.”

Eve laughed. “What does_ that_ have to do with it?” Eve kept her eyes on Moira’s affronted expression and shook her head with a sigh. “Everyone can take care of themselves, even very young children find a way to survive but that doesn’t mean that’s how it should be; everyone, no matter how old, needs support now and then. Everyone needs backup. Not just for when things go wrong but to be able to speak to people who know you, people who you trust, who have no agendas but perhaps you don’t know what I’m talking about?” Moira opened her mouth and closed it. Yes, she knew very well what Eve meant. Eve added. “Only fools reject support when it’s there for the asking.”

“Are you implying that I’m a fool?” Moira asked looking strangely pleased. _She’s spoiling for a fight._

“No,” Eve replied, “I was talking about myself,” she said truthfully, “but hopefully I’ve learnt that lesson.”

“We all need to learn that lesson,” Ekaterin said softly.

Moira smiled at Eve with a sharp look. “Yes, Da’s been very _supportive_ to you in this situation, hasn’t he? Considering how you first met with you crashing that wedding. Not suspicious at all.”

Eve struggled to keep a straight face. So Moira had been investigating. “Hmm,” was all Eve said. Jamie had sent her a message of where to meet her to catch-up and Eve plotted how to make her escape.

“It’s no secret you’re not Da’s type,” Moira persisted. “It makes sense that it was a one night affair.”

“Moira,” Ekaterin said in a sharp tone Eve had never heard before but Moira raised her chin and stared at Eve. Eve noted the tide of movement as many heads turned to follow Allie, Alex and Pax as they made their way across the room. For a moment Eve thought about not saying anything but it was best to nip this in the bud.

“Well you know,” Eve said to Moira, “your Da was a magnificent kisser and I made the most of it over all three nights. I’m not saying we just had sex that entire time but it was very hard to keep my hands off him and your father felt the same. That was part of what made him a great kisser by the way – he knew what to do with his hands, so many men don’t.” Eve let the stunned silence go for a couple of seconds before leaning towards Moira and asking. “What’s the experience in your own relationships?”

Moira jolted. “That’s none of your business!” she exclaimed, her cheeks flushed, voice pitching to a squeak.

Eve smiled. “No, it isn’t, is it?”

Moira’s cheeks paled. Eve stood to face the stunned faces of Ivan’s family. She extended her smile to them. “Excuse me, just going to take some cake to Jamie. He’s enjoying the courtyard.”

Allie blinked and nodded. “Ah yes, he said he needed some air. We don’t want to crowd him,” Allie said defensively, “but it would be good if he re-joined the party.”

Eve nodded. “I’m sure he’s about to, I’ll mention it when I see him.”

Pax said. “I’ll escort you.”

Eve laughed. “There’s no need, I know where it is.” Pax wasn’t moving. “Something wrong?” Eve asked.

“My Da won’t like it if I don’t escort you.”

Allie nodded, twinkle in her eye. “You’ll get Pax into trouble. Da is a tyrant about that kind of thing.”

“A tyrant, eh?” Eve asked trying not to laugh. “How will he know?” Eve asked.

“Uncle Ivan _always_ knows,” Alex said. 

“Da isn’t a tyrant,” Moira snapped.

Eve took Pax’s proffered arm and they left quickly, leaving Ekaterin to referee the ensuing squabble as Alex made a crack about Moira’s sense of humour and no doubt they were all going to talk about what Eve had said about Ivan. Eve wondered if Pax would say anything but he was very quiet as they made their way down the corridors to the courtyard so Eve broke the silence. “You know your brother Anton promised to show me the fountain,” Eve said. “Is he still with your father?” Anton had insisted on accompanying his father and Rohan, and Ivan had agreed only because Anton hadn’t believed he would be bored.

“Yeah but he’ll come and say goodnight before he goes to bed which will be soon. He was very excited about being your escort. He just –“

“Needed his father which is quite right.” 

Pax smiled and Eve looked up at him. “Can I ask you a personal question?”

His arm stiffened as did his jaw but his smile, albeit a strained one, was still there. “You can ask. I might not answer.”

She nodded. “That’s usually the answer I give when people ask me impertinent questions.”

He laughed. “Go ahead.”

“Do you ever stop noticing the way people stare at you?”

“Oh that,” he said, he appeared surprised and relieved. “I tune it out most of the time but I notice it when something is…off."

“Is that training or good instincts?”

His brow wrinkled. “I don’t know – does it matter?”

She laughed. “Good question…no, I’m just curious if anyone whose been trained from when their young can tell the difference.” And she knew all the Vorpatrils had been trained from childhood.

“Can you?” Pax asked. “Tell the difference?”

She shook her head. “Speaking of noticing things…” There was additional security around the courtyard entrance and no one about except for Jamie sitting on one of the stone benches watching the fountain. “It’s very quiet.”

“Ah yes,” Pax said, he looked uncomfortable. “Sometimes only we – the family – have access to the courtyard.” Which explained why she’d been escorted. Pax stopped at the arch and Eve thanked him and walked in and sat next to Jamie. He looked deceptively relaxed with his ankles crossed as he leaned back against the wall. He’d loosened his collar too but Eve had noted the worried lip.

“I’m glad you came out here,” Eve said, “you know it’s restricted to family at the moment? I guess its lucky Pax escorted me. I brought cake. For us to share.”

“Thanks,” he said, taking the spoon and they sat in silence for a short while. Eve had promised not to use any of her tech at the embassy until the ambassador (_Ivan_, she mentally corrected herself) could see about restoring her clearance level or at least raising it above civilian. Eve was sure her tech couldn’t be detected but for Jamie’s sake – and it was only one evening – she could be like a normal person. Eve waited for Jamie to say something but he didn’t so she ate half the chocolate gateaux before linking his arm. “Your absence has been noted, love,” she whispered, “but we can leave if you want.” 

Jamie waved a hand. “No, I’ll stay.” He sighed. He ate a spoonful of the cake. “It’s been alright, Ma. The family are fine, Allie’s been great but a lot of the people have been – they’ve been _polite._ That tone I heard when I first started competing; when people thought I didn’t belong and that I wouldn’t make it.”

“But you did make it,” she said proudly. “But I know that edge of patronising tone. No one does it better than Barrayarans.”

“And not always the edge. I’m not rising to it…yet. I didn’t think how much I’d need those old defences back. I’m fine,” he said with a rueful smile, as Eve searched his face. “You did warn me; it’s just more tiring than I thought; I’m still finding my ground here and until then I’m not rising to any of it.”

“Because you’re my smart son. It’s worse when it’s indirect I know.”

Jamie shook his head. “No, it’s worse when I know the things they say are aimed at you too.”

It was like a punch to her chest. Why can’t I protect him from everything? She squeezed his arm. “It will get easier because you’ll learn what to tune out, you know that but I wish I could tell you that it will stop but it won’t. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t apologise, Ma,” he said in a heated tone. “It’s not your fault.” There was something more going on.

“I mean I’m sorry you’re having to go through this,” Eve said carefully, “I won’t go on how I can defend myself because I’m the same as you – we’ll choose our battles and those strangers judging us, well, they can go fuck themselves.”

Jamie let out laugh. “Yes, and the people who think they know us.” After a pause he asked, “Do you think you and Chris will you ever get back together?”

“What? Never!” Eve said. His relief confused her. “Why do you ask? Did you speak to him?”

“Yeah. He doesn’t approve of how you’ve handled things. He thought I would agree with him.” He grimaced. “I didn’t. He went on about it so I told him I never wanted to hear from him again if he carried on like that. I meant it.” Jamie shook his head, a line creasing his brow. “He’s changed. Ever since I gave up competing he’s got weird, and even you two were fine before then.”

Eve snorted a laugh. “We were_ not_ but I kept those fights out of your sight. I decided that early on because we were still finding our way; not that we ever did.” Eve sighed. “Jamie, the reason Chris was so great and so supportive of your swimming career was because he approved of it. That’s the thing with Chris. When he agrees with you there isn’t anything he won’t do for you. When he doesn’t agree - he just can’t let it go. I stopped giving him chances after his last blow out. And now I’ve found out _he_ gave you the idea of your father being a criminal, you can forget it.”

Jamie winced. “I should have told you about that.”

“Yes, you should have but I can see you had this daft idea that I’d get back with Chris. Yeah, sometimes you are transparent but if you still wanted to be friends I wouldn’t interfere. Well, I’d try not to.”

Jamie shook his head. “He went too far today. I think he’s jealous too - that my father really likes you.”

Her eyes narrowed. “And why would Chris think that?”

Jamie grinned. “Because I told him when he implied the ambassador couldn’t. Anyone my father’s introduced me to he’s asked if they’d met you and told them you’re a security expert and a historian. And a great singer too.”

Eve groaned. “Why would he do that? And a historian? I’ve barely started. Why would he say all that?”

“Because you’re my ma and it’s the truth. He showed them your work on Drou Koudelka, and you’re the one who’s taught me, Ma although I know you thought I wasn’t listening. Everyone was surprised I knew so much about historical Barrayaran women.”

Eve burst out laughing. “More than they do, I bet.” Eve looked across at who was coming towards them. “Ah look.” She dropped her voice. “Are you ready to re-join the party?”

He squeezed her hand. “Yes. Hey Anton!”

Anton ran up to them with the most accusing look. “But_ I_ was going to show Eve the fountain and the statue! I’m your escort.”

Eve nodded. “But I’ve not looked at the fountain or the statue,” Eve lied. “I’ve been waiting for you.”

Jamie nodded. “We’ve just been sat here.”

“Oh!” Anton turned to Ivan who had strolled in with Rohan. “Eve was waiting for me, Dada! You were right.”

“And she’s been very patient. How’s your evening going?” Ivan asked.

“Good,” said Jamie with a shrug.

“Yeah, fine,” Eve said.

Ivan laughed. “The dancing is starting soon. Maybe that will perk things up. Anton, do you want to show Eve the fountain now or we’ll be late.”

“Late?” Eve asked, standing up.

“I’m opening the dancing with the President. Do you dance?”

“Ma knows all the Barrayaran dances,” Jamie said. “She taught me all of them.”

Ivan raised an eyebrow. “Is that right?”

“I can dance but I’m not a graceful dancer,” Eve said glaring at her son, whose smile widened.

“My Mama was a dancer,” Anton said.

Eve nodded. “I’ve seen – an amazing dancer. I’m _nothing_ like her,” Eve emphasised.

“Of course not,” Ivan said, “everyone is unique. So if you’re not already spoken for perhaps you can dance one dance with me?”

“_After _I’ve shown her the fountain. Dada,” Anton said tugging at his father’s sleeve.

“One moment.” Ivan crouched down as Anton whispered something in Ivan’s ear that set his eyes laughing. Ivan whispered something back. “I’ll leave you to it,” Ivan said to Anton but gave Eve a pleading look.

Anton wiped his hand on his trousers and then held it out to Eve. “I’m your escort,” he said carefully.

“Yes you are,” Eve said taking Anton’s hand.

“I can kiss your hand, with your persimmon, oh! That’s – that’s not right.” And he blushed and Eve sideways kicked Jamie at his suppressed laugh.

“I’m impressed you know the word persimmon, Anton,” Eve said softly. “It’s not a common fruit. Do you have family words?” she asked. “They are words you know aren’t the right ones but they sound the same? Me and Jamie still call gloves doves because that’s what Jamie called them as he couldn’t say gloves properly when he was a child.” Eve, her hand still in Anton’s, raised it to his mouth. “You have my _persimmon _to kiss my hand.”

Anton giggled and kissed Eve’s hand. “Now let’s see this fountain,” Eve said and Ivan stepped aside and mouthed _thank you_ as she passed him.


	18. Embassy Part 3 | Forbidden Dances | Aral's Waste of Stone

Miles tried to avoid looking at Ivan and Eve. Miles, like everyone else, was wondering if Ivan was going to dance a second dance with her. It’s not as if he’d only danced with Eve. The Escobarran President had changed her mind about opening the dance with Ivan and so Ivan did as he usually did – danced it with one of his daughters; he danced with Moira and then with Allie, and after dancing with Eve he was now sitting with her and her friends. He’d been sat there for a while.

“Ivan’s enjoying himself,” Ekaterin murmured. They had a perfect secluded table to observe everyone and Miles had instructed his Armsman to deter all but family. Miles had had enough of the comments aimed at his cousin and new son. He’d tolerated enough for the evening. He was surprised there were no digs about Pax and Alex who miraculously had escaped the gossips for now. “I think the evening’s gone quite well,” Ekaterin added.

Miles stared at Ivan. “I suppose.” Ivan bent his head and whispered something in Eve’s ear that set her off laughing and shaking her head. They kept doing that.

“Then why are you so concerned or are you jealous of Ivan? Should I be worried?”

“What? Ah, funny.”

Ekaterin smiled and sipped her coffee. “I know Eve’s not your type,_ superficially_ but there’s something about her that’s preoccupying you, love. It can’t be related to Jamie because you do your job too well so it must be personal.”

“You don’t miss anything, do you?”

“And that’s an evasion. Miles, I sincerely hope it’s not because you would disapprove if something happened between them. Don’t look so shocked. I know that,” Ekaterin delicately gestured towards the dancefloor with a flick of her hand, “wasn’t just for appearances sake. There is something there. Ah, you _do _know something.”

Miles met his wife’s shrewd eyes. “I can’t tell you and I wish I didn’t know.” Eve confessing her love for Ivan during that interrogation was something Miles wished he could erase completely from his memory especially with seeing Ivan flirting with Eve all evening.

“I won’t press, Miles but is this something that could hurt, Ivan?” Her eyes narrowed. “No, it’s something that could hurt Eve.”

“I wish you would stop doing that.” It was like she was in his head.

Ekaterin glanced at Ivan and Eve, and back to Miles. She patted Miles’s hand. “Miles, whatever happens it’s none of our business. Those two are old enough to take care of themselves and Ivan has enough people thinking they know what’s best for him. Whatever you know may not mean what you think. Let’s leave them alone because so many others won’t. You know who I mean.” Yes Miles did know; he’d been avoiding eye contact with Lady Alys ever since Ivan danced with Eve.

“This could get messy,” Miles said.

“For a change?” Ekaterin asked drily. “Speaking of messy; let’s discuss Taurie’s wedding. You can’t avoid Taurie’s messages. She needs your say so. I have no issue with it. She’s saved me a lot of work.”

Taurie had arranged everything for the wedding to be held in a few weeks times when the Vorpatrils would be on Barrayar for the summer. Everything was done (except for the dress; Taurie was waiting for her mother for that). Invitations would be sent out as soon as her parents gave the say so. 

Miles sat up. “She waited until we were off planet so she could implement her plan without us having a say in it.” 

“Yes, how manipulative and high-handed of her. Can’t think where she gets it from. And it’s not just her, Clement’s made sure his family are on board too. Taurie wants to invite Jamie too and has asked – oh.” Ekaterin’s eyes widened. “I wasn’t expecting that. I thought Ivan didn’t dance this one.”

But Ivan was leading Eve to the dance floor for The Forbidden Dance. Ekaterin stood. “Let’s join the others.”

“Now who looks worried.”

Ekaterin gave him a week smile. “I am – about what Moira may say in front of Jamie. She’s been particularly raw today. I feel for her, Miles but she has to learn to control that tongue of hers. I’m relieved Eve can handle her.”

Miles grabbed his stick and hoisted himself up. “Eve didn’t have to be so graphic about her past with Ivan or exaggerate so much,” he muttered. Nikki said he was impressed at hearing about this side of his uncle that wasn’t just based on Ivan’s old reputation with women. Miles didn’t approve of Eve’s way of handling his niece but as Ekaterin kept pointing out – it was hard for Miles to be critical of any of his nephews and nieces.

“I admit I was surprised at Eve disclosing so much but so was Moira – it’ll make her think twice about asking impertinent questions.”

“You hope,” Miles said with a snort, handing Ekaterin her shawl. Miles liked Moira’s directness but granted she had some problems with tact.

“Yes _I hope_, and also,” Ekaterin said, taking Miles’s arm as they made their way to where the rest of their party, “from what Tej told me about Ivan, Eve wasn’t at all exaggerating.”

Miles said nothing and Ekaterin smiled.

**

“Maybe this isn’t a good idea,” Eve said, not sure how she’d agreed to dance with him again. There was a sea of murmuring and Eve caught the eye of Allie and there was something odd in her expression.

“You’re not going to back out on me, are you?” Ivan asked, as they stood in the middle of the dance floor. “I’ve been looking forward to this one,” he said softly.

Eve shivered and not just because of that penetrating look in his eyes. “I’m having the weirdest déjà vu,” Eve whispered, “but I’ve never danced this here. Not danced this in a while.” The last time she’d danced it was with Marie and they were very drunk. 

“You worried about losing?” he teased.

She laughed. “No, I know all the steps.” But she wasn’t a fluid dancer; she’d never had that kind of grace. She wouldn’t embarrass herself but she wouldn’t impress anyone. “How about you?”

“I’m not worried.”

“Places,” boomed one of the stewards.

“See you soon,” Ivan said and winked at her as they turned their backs on each other and walked to their side of the room.

**

Miles and Ekaterin seated themselves near Lady Alys and Simon; Rohan and Moira were chatting to their grandparents but the older children stood around watching the dancers. Jamie stood with them and looked more at ease than he had earlier in the evening. Miles didn’t know what had happened to bring on this change but if all this evening did was increase Jamie’s acceptance in the family than surely that was enough. “Good God, did Da just wink?” Allie asked.

“Yeah,” Pax said. He looked at Jamie. “Da doesn’t usually dance this one. Hasn’t for…years.”

“Da’s playing his part well,” Moira said. “That’s what this evening is about after all.”

“Or they could be just enjoying themselves,” Ekaterin said.

“There’s no harm in it being both,” Aunt Alys said to Moira. “Your father has always been very adept at putting all kinds of people at their ease.”

Allie visibly winced, Moira sat next to her grandmother all smiles, and Miles wished that he and Ekaterin had stayed at their table. Jamie glanced at Moira and Aunt Alys with a thoughtful look and Rohan bent his head and whispered something to Moira which caused her smile to falter. Whatever Rohan said left Moira with a thoughtful look.

“It’s not fair,” Pax said. He turned to Jamie looking apologetic. “It’s going to be more unfair for your mother. People will gossip about them now.”

“That’s true,” Rohan said softly.

Jamie nodded. “I know but she can handle it. My Ma can handle anything,” he said proudly and Miles was sure they could all hear the defiance in his tone.

Pax shook his head. “It’s still not fair. Da and Eve - they should both be allowed to just enjoy themselves. They’re not doing any harm.” He grinned causing even those near him to almost step back with how much that grin lit his beauty brighter. “Alex…people should have _other things_ to talk about.”

Alex angled his head, meeting Pax’s gold eyes with his intense grey. “You want to do this now.”

“Yes but after the dance, if they make it to the end - how well does your mother know it?” he asked Jamie.

“Well she prefers dancing it blindfolded and she never misses a step.”

“Blindfolded?” Nikki asked.

Jamie shrugged. “She says it’s boring otherwise.”

**

So Eve knew the Forbidden Dance, also called The Lovers Dance. Everyone knew it. A series of steps forwards and back bringing the couples closer but the couples never facing each other until a certain point in the dance and only if they were in sync and if they weren’t removed from the floor earlier for breaking the rules. She knew it but had never taken it seriously. Suddenly dancing it with Ivan she began to understand why it was considered a dance of both passion and restraint. She understood why so many couples failed to reach the end not just due to being out of rhythm and turning too soon, or too late but wanting to see, wanting to look at their partner. Eve could only see the back of Ivan at certain points in the dance and tried – _really tried_ not to let her eyes trail or linger. Years of training are what probably saved her from botching the dance. She was tempted to close her eyes but she knew people would read something into it. _Like they’re not going to now? Stop overthinking, just go with it, it’ll be over soon_ but then what? Eve didn’t want to think about that. And why does this all seem familiar when it can’t be?

They were closer now. Eve stepped back, turned, side-stepped, raised her head and faced Ivan, close enough to reach up and touch his face but if she touched him the dance would be over and they’d lose to the last other remaining couple.

The music was now at its most frenetic, most passionate and the couple had to stare each other for twenty-four seconds (Eve had timed it once) and twenty-four seconds is a long time to explore the face of someone who had lodged themselves in your heart and wouldn’t leave. But that was as it always was and she’d accepted that, hadn’t she? She loved him but it didn’t change anything so why not make the most this moment. It was part of the dance after all and she enjoyed his scent, and discovered a new scar on his temple, the extra lines on his forehead and how he’d aged but not aged. She looked everywhere but she wouldn’t look into his eyes, and in the background she heard the other remaining couple being asked to leave the floor. She took a step back but Ivan took a step forward and placed a hand on her arm.

“Do you want to go for a meander?” he asked.

Her skin warmed under his touch. She swallowed, not sure she’d heard him correctly. “What?”

“Meander, walk, amble…”

“You do know you’ve lost us the dance.”

“That couple already lost and we’re the last.”

“But we didn’t go back to our places.”

Ivan shrugged. “That would just waste time, so is it a yes to the amble, walk, meander? I’m afraid I don’t have much time but we’ll have some time – alone. Unless you have other plans?”

He sounded so serious all of a sudden and although she knew she should sensibly walk away she had already closed this distance. “No, I don’t have plans.” She took Ivan’s arm and let him lead her swiftly off the dance floor through the south exit and back to the courtyard.

And that was when Pax took Alex’s hand, lead him to the centre of the dance floor and kissed him. 

Nikki turned to his mother with a grin and whispered, “Shall we take bets on whose comms reach us first from the family to _express themselves_ about this? I bet it will be your side, Mama – it’ll be grandfather.” Nikki looked at Miles. “He’ll blame you, Da, _you no good, Vorkosigan_,” he said doing a fine impression of his grandfather and making even Ekaterin laugh at her cheeky son.

**

Ivan and Eve made a circuit around the fountain before settling on the stone bench. The lighting in the courtyard played around the fountain and shadowed the imposing Aral Vorkosigan statue in interesting patterns. She wished Ivan would speak first; he had something on his mind and half of her hoped it was about Jamie. The other half of her was…confused. “This is pretty,” Eve admitted

“Yes, so tell me again why you’re going to the hind end of Barrayar for the summer?”

She laughed. “You mean the Southern end –snob.”

Ivan narrowed his eyes. “You’d prefer to stay there over the North? Apart from wineries which I admit are exceptional, what does it have to offer? You’re not into wine, you said so yourself.”

“Marie and Bash will be exploring the wineries and I’m sure will drag me to one or two but I’ve never been before and it’s research,” she said. “There are museums on the Cetaganda terraforming and one on the site of the old POW camp – the Cetagandas processed women and children there – families. There’s a lot of stories there that haven’t been told, especially from the women’s side of it and it’s fascinating.”

Ivan grimaced. “It’s depressing but that’s Barrayaran history.”

“It’s not _all _depressing,” she said, “and some of the stories are quite inspiring but I know it’s not your thing so I won’t bore you with it.”

“I don’t believe you could bore anyone,” he said and she didn’t know what to say. He looked down at his folded hands. “So will you ah be staying there to do your doctorate?”

“What – who – who told you about that?”

His brows lifted. “Jamie, he’s very proud of you; said it was about time – he didn’t say it was a secret.”

“Well, no, it’s not but I – it’s only just happened. I’ll have my first meeting with my supervisor while I’m there.” She’d only told Jamie last night about it. Perhaps she should’ve told him to keep it quiet. Eve knew it wasn’t that unusual these days for a person to start a Phd at her age but it still felt very late.

“I see,” he said. Yes there was something on his mind and she was half in a mind to bolt. “You never mention the statue,” he said, completely throwing her.

“What?”

Ivan raised his eyes to the statue. “Everyone mentions the statue of my uncle when they’re here – that they knew him; that there will never be anyone like him; that I’m nothing like him,” he seemed amused by that last one. He smiled at her, “Everyone says something but you’ve not said anything. A deliberate omission I’m guessing.”

Did he miss nothing? “You won’t like what I have to say even though I have a good reason.”

“Now you _have_ to tell me. I’ve heard it all you know. I doubt you can say anything that will surprise me.”

Eve scrutinised the statue; the eyes really did follow you everywhere. She turned back to Ivan. “I think having a statue of him – any statue of him – is a complete waste of money.”

He let out a short laugh, looked surprised but not offended. “Now that I haven’t heard. Why?” he sounded genuinely curious.

Eve sighed. “There are so many great Barrayarans who no one knows about and I think they should have statues so people could explain who they are; educate galactics as well as Barrayarans. Instead every embassy in the galaxy has a statue of Aral Vorkosigan who everyone knows. Everyone knows who he is and what he did – they may not all get it completely right but they get the gist.” She shrugged. “I’m well aware my point of view is not a popular one.”

“It’s a valid point. I’ve not thought of it that way.” Ivan smiled at the statue. “We had a holo-statue for a while but my Aunt – Dowager Vorkosigan – hated it; she said it was too real. It made people uncomfortable; especially Barrayarans. I didn’t like it either but I like this one – when it’s not disappointed. So you’ll be on Barrayar for a long while; will you be returning to Earth this year at all?”

The sudden switch in topic caught her off guard. “What? Of course I will. I mean I have too much going on Earth to stay on Barrayar right now so I’ll be going back and forth when it’s feasible. I’ll only be there for about two months. Of course I’m coming back.”

He grinned. “That’s good.”

“It is?” she asked.

Ivan opened his mouth and then got the strangest look. She’d seen that before and couldn’t help but ask, “Is someone talking to you?” She looked at his earbud, suspecting they weren’t actually alone.

He jolted. “What? Oh, no,” he tapped his ear, “no, no, no one but us. I was just ah thinking how it’s good you’re coming back – because of Jamie and your family. I want to send Anton back to the academy too now things are better and he’ll be more comfortable with you there.”

She was disappointed, why was she disappointed? “Yes, my family is here and it’ll be great to have Anton back at the academy especially now he counts me among his special friends and isn’t confused anymore. Jamie said quite a few children will be returning for next term so Anton will be familiar with all the people in the class not that he finds it hard to make friends.” _My God I’m rambling. _

“Eve – “ and he winced and looked across the courtyard where Artem stood. Eve stood, relieved.

“I guess that’s your cue to go.”

Ivan stood too. “Yes and after the dinner is over I’ll have meetings with the Escobarans. It’s going to be a long night and morning.”

He sounded defensive and Eve wondered what she’d missed because there was definitely something. But she smiled. “Well thank you for a great evening. I’ve enjoyed it more than I thought I would. Sorry your evening’s going to end with so much work.” And she stepped away to avoid any physical parting. “I’m going to stay around here for a while so there’s no need to escort me back. Thanks again, for what you’ve done for Jamie.”

“You don’t have to thank me. I…well, goodnight, Eve.”

“Goodnight.”

**

Jamie and the rest of the Vorpatril children went off to one of the dome waterparks after the dinner – it was Allie’s request for one of her last nights on Earth. They were going to stay the night there too. They even took a sleeping Anton (with Franz of course) so he wouldn’t feel left out. He’d wake up to that joy. It was a great idea. Just before she left Eve told Jamie what Ivan had said about Anton returning to the academy. Eve made sure everyone in Ivan’s family overheard that that was what she’d spoken to Ivan about and Miles looked relieved for some reason. 

**

“I knew it would be something like that,” Marie said, in a relieved tone, as the aircar took them home.

Bash stared at Eve. “I don’t believe it. The ambassador looked like he wanted to get into your boots and _lick _them.”

Marie smacked Bash’s arm. “You’re so damn crude sometimes.”

“What do you expect?” said Bash, “I get it from you.” Which made them all laugh; well Eve tried to. “And everyone was thinking it,” Bash added.

“Better they think that than talk about Eve’s background,” Marie said, “maybe that’s why the ambassador danced with you, Eve. This evening was all about Jamie after all, and this changes the trajectory of the gossip.”

“That’s cold, Marie,” Bash said. “I liked him and I could tell he liked Eve. Genuinely,” he said.

“I never said he didn’t, Bash but Eve said the whole evening’s been choreographed and she’s not interested in the ambassador and as nice as he is he’s too Vor and sensible to be interested. Eve knows that.”

Eve shoved all her twisted, heated emotions into a box and put a lid on it. “Marie’s right.” And another hideous thought reared its head. Did Ivan guess how she really felt about him? Is that why he mentioned Anton so that she understood he wasn’t interested in anything than setting things right? Was that why he mentioned being busy after the dinner? Good God – did he think she was going to ask him to go somewhere afterwards? She could feel Marie and Bash’s eyes on her. “Everyone was very nice but I’m glad it’s over,” Eve said. “I’m worn out.” It wasn’t a lie.

Marie hugged her arm. “I don’t think you’ll have to see any of them again at an event like this anyway, especially as those cousins tonguing each other on the dancefloor is now preoccupying the gossips.”

“And I’m the crude one?” Bash said and swore. “Eve, is that Chris outside your building?”

_Great. Just great. _

“I’ll deal with him, _alone._” Eve had to restrain her friends from going in with her. This didn’t stop them from getting out of the aircar and glaring at him. Chris told her they needed to talk. Eve told him it was over and left him outside. There was no way he could get in.

She had hoped that being pissed at Chris would override other things but as much as Eve tried not to replay her time with Ivan she couldn’t stop until she got to that place she needed to get to: that it didn’t matter. Whatever Ivan assumed about her feelings he wouldn’t know because she wouldn’t tell him and Miles would never do that to her. So nothing had really changed. If only she could get rid of this horrible contradictory chasm and ache that decided to settle in every part of her body.

What if she left for Barrayar earlier? It would be a tactical, defensive measure, get her away from the Vorpatrils and she’d get more time in for research. She’d have to rearrange her weekend of nonsense fun with Jamie, if he couldn’t do it though she would stay. It was their annual ritual before they separated for the summer and she wouldn’t sacrifice it. She sent Marie a written message to investigate if it was feasible to change their plans, and since it was too early to sleep she made a list of the places Ekaterin mentioned in the South to see if she and Marie could fit them in her schedule.

When she received a call at two in the morning she assumed it would be family or friends but it wasn’t – it was from Ivan.


	19. 2am | Confessions | Chocolate Blinis

Eve listened as Ivan left a message as there was no visual. “Hi – I ah – Jamie said you don’t go to sleep until after three so I thought I’d call and,” he cleared his throat, “if you’re listening to this I’m outside. I came to see you. I should’ve called first so I’m calling now. I’ll call again after this, once more and if you don’t answer –“

She wasn’t going to torture herself with speculating. What the hell was Jamie doing telling him about her hours? How did that come up? “What do you want?” she asked softly.

“You are up,” he said. It was no surprise that he sounded tired but there was something else in his tone she couldn’t put this finger on.

“What do you want, Ivan?” she repeated not letting herself dwell on any of the guesses cramming her skull.

“I want to talk to you – in person. Can I come up or we can go somewhere?”

Eve went to her security cams and saw the diplomatic aircar parked outside her building in the no parking zone. “Why does it have to be now?” Eve asked. 

“I can’t end this evening with what was said at the fountain. I need to see you – it’s not sex. That’s not why I want to see you. I don’t want sex.”

For a moment she was sure she’d misheard him. “What?”

“Sex, I don’t want you to think that’s why I’m calling.”

She couldn’t believe it, her cheeks burning she took a breath and tried to speak calmly. “Of all the _arrogant _– what makes you think I would want to have sex with you anyway? You think just because I said I had a great time at the embassy I meant something else? Well I didn’t. I don’t know what’s got into you that you think you have to meet me at this time of night to clarify that you don’t want to have sex with me because you don’t. Goodnight, Ivan.” And she cut the call.

Eve diverted all her calls to messages and went straight to her gym and donned her gloves. How _dare _he assume just because – damn it. Did he know? Had he guessed she was in love with him? No. She shook her head and punched her punch bag hard. No. He didn’t know. Oh God, had Miles told him? She froze and then came to her senses. Miles was many things but he would never betray her. Her door chime echoed in the gym and Eve checked her security cams and saw it was Ivan with one of his security at his side. She was going to block that too but the expression on his face stopped her. He looked miserable. “Oh damn it,” she muttered. She went to her cam, “You should go home and –“

“Don’t cut me off. I’m sorry for what I said, it was clumsy. This isn’t me at my best. I meant I wanted to talk that that’s why I’m here - I didn’t want the evening to end and I want to see you again and that what I wanted to talk about. I wanted to talk. You understand? I’m not usually so –I’m sorry, Eve -“

“Alright, alright! Just stop apologising.” His sudden smile highlighted his weary eyes. “You’re forgiven. I suppose you’ve had a long day and I’m assuming an intense meeting with the Escobarans.” It explained his punch-drunk demeanour.

He wrinkled his nose as if he’d smelled something bad. “That is no excuse for my words,” he said, his eyes narrowed. “Why are you wearing boxing gloves?”

“Why not? Do you still want to talk now? Right now?”

He nodded. “Yes. It’s not something I want to leave unsaid. Unless you’re busy or have company.” He was trying to look over her shoulder and she suppressed a laugh.

“No, I’m alone. Alright we can talk but you may not like what I have to say next or at least your security won’t.”

No, they did not like it at all that Eve refused to give them access to do a physical sweep. Her concession was she’d let them up to her apartment door but not inside; that they could do a remote sweep. She waited while Ivan returned to the aircar to argue with his security. He returned with a smile. “Oskar is quite happy with your terms, aren’t you, Oskar?” Ivan asked.

Oskar’s reply was in the form of a pleading look; Ivan smiled and patted Oskar’s cheek. After being scanned and processed into her system, going through three security barriers and exiting her private lift, Ivan waited patiently outside her open apartment door. Eve had refused to change out of her long _Earth Rules! _t_-_shirt although she argued with herself about it. But she’d taken off her boxing gloves.

“Do you want me to bring these flowers in?” Ivan asked looking to the side where she’d deposited Chris’s flowers on the floor which had arrived after she’d left Chris outside.

“No, leave them there. They’ll be removed soon – one way or another.”

“Right-oh,” he murmured.

Oskar sent in the scanning probe which floated through the rooms it could access while Oskar and Ivan remained outside her door. “She’s a security consultant,” Ivan said in reply to some protest of Oskar’s and Eve tried not to laugh. Ivan moved closer and whispered to Oskar who muttered something but nodded. Oskar gave Eve a stern look and Eve gave him a big smile which seemed to piss him off more. He looked at Ivan again, Ivan shook his head and Oskar left, taking his tech with him and Eve let Ivan into her apartment and locked the door.

“I don’t think Oskar likes me,” Eve said. “You look wired and tired, Ivan. Long day?”

He laughed and ran a hand through his hair. “That’s – yes and ignore Oskar. He doesn’t like anyone. _Am_ I being recorded?”

Eve shook her head. “Of course not. I wanted to see if he would pick up on it. I’m impressed. Even if you’re still using out of date tech. Why are you –”

“Eve,” he said, closing the distance in two strides, “I didn’t come here to discuss my security’s tech.” He was close enough for her to feel his warm breath and musky scent but she held her ground.

“Be blunt as to why you are here,” she said, her breath catching on her words. She swallowed and repeated more firmly. “I need you to be blunt so there’s no misunderstanding. I’m trying not to do that.”

His hand branded her face, framing it with his palm. “You want blunt? Fine. I want to carry on where we left off at the Imperial Hotel, I want to take you out to your favourite place here and on Barrayar, I want to take you to the Long Lake and get you in the water. I want us to have another chance. A serious second chance. Is that blunt enough?”

“And none of this is to do with Jamie?”

“No, it’s to do with us.” He removed his hand but the heat stayed. “I won’t push. I have no right to push but a hint from you would be good,” he said and let out a strained laugh. “Maybe I should go home. Give you time. I need a shower.”

_And some sleep_. She took his hand back and rubbed her cheek against it. “I have a fantastic shower, if you can stay.” She met his eyes, still holding his hand against her cheek. “I’d like you to stay, unless you have to get home?”

“No, the children are all away for the night but that isn’t why I’m here,” he added quickly.

“I know,” she said. “Don’t you have a go-bag in all your vehicles with your essentials?”

“How did you – yes. I’ll ah go and – yes.”

Oskar delivered the bag swiftly and Eve escorted Ivan upstairs to the first floor shower room connected to the guest room. “Shower first so you can be comfy. There are clean robes you can use in the bathroom.”

Ivan dropped his bag on the floor but didn’t move and before he could ask she said, “The answer’s yes, except to the lake part. You’re not getting me in a lake. I want that serious second chance too. Ah-ah.” She placed a finger on his lips. “Shower, rest and_ then_ we talk. We both need clear heads for this.” After his shower she suggested he lie down on the bed for a few minutes.

“I’ll just close my eyes for a few seconds.” He fell asleep as she had wanted, as he badly needed. She pulled off his tangled robe and raked her eyes over his body for a shamefully long time before she pulled the covers over him. It’s not as if she hadn’t seen him naked before. He had an alarm set on his wristcom and Eve was going to let that do all the work of waking him. It was a long five hours for Eve but not as anxious as she thought it would be – she felt strangely calm. Telling him she wanted him hadn’t been that bad after all but then he’d told her first. She tried to do other things while he slept – review her new clients who wanted her security services, watch vids, catch up with her comms but the big question of _what now?_ kept slapping her in the face and sending her back to gaze at him like a puzzle.

She wouldn’t let herself imagine anything until they talked which didn’t help her at all when his alarm went off, he stirred, smiled sleepily and said, “Don’t think so, Tej.” He blinked and opened his eyes, his glazed eyes looked confused as he stared at her and then – yes, there was the recognition – it sharpened his eyes and stabbed her chest. “Eve?” Then he sat up, his face awash with something akin to embarrassment. “Eve.”

“Coffee in the kitchen,” she blurted out, louder than she intended.

His wristcom chimed. “It’s Pax – I have to get this. I’ll join you soon.”

She was already leaving the room. _Now I have a reality check. _My God. That look on his face. What was she thinking letting him stay the night? She stared at the breakfast she’d laid out for them both, and shoved the pastries back in their boxes, stacked them and was just about to hide them somewhere as Ivan entered the kitchen dressed in a bathrobe. He put his finger to his lips and pointed to his wristcom and Eve had no choice but to put the boxes back on the table.

“Can you see my face now, Anton?” Ivan said, moving closer and opening the top box. He gave her a hopeful look, and she waved a hand. He placed two pastries on a plate and bit into one.

“Yes. Can you see my arm?” asked Anton with a sniff, “it’s poorly sick, Dada. Are you going to come? What are you eating?”

“A delicious pastry.” Ivan adjusted the image on his wristcom of Anton holding up his arm in a bandage with a woebegone look on his face. Eve’s heart went out to him but she stayed out of visual range. “I can see you,” Ivan said, and blew him a kiss, “and I will see you in person very soon. If I come to the waterpark now you will be home and we will miss each other. I was going to make you some chocolate blinis but if you don’t want any I understand.”

Anton’s voice changed. “Anjelica puts chocolate chips in it. Big ones.”

“Fine, I’ll ask Anjelica to make them and we’ll make sure they’re the biggest ones we can find. Now you listen to Franz and your brothers and sisters. They’ll look after you but you can call me whenever you want, you know that?”

Anton nodded his head. “Yes but don’t forget about my blinis.”

Eve moved further away as she laughed into her hand and Ivan said sombrely, “I won’t forget.” They said their goodbyes and Ivan held up a hand to Eve with an apologetic look and a few seconds later Anton called again.

“Yes, sweetheart?” Ivan asked.

Anton’s relief shone through. “I’m just checking you’re there, Dada.”

“That’s alright. You check whenever you want.” They said goodbyes again. “I’m sorry about that,” he said to Eve.

“He’s your son,” Eve said. “No apology necessary. Accident?”

“A child pushed him over. It’s just a sprain but –“

“He wants his father. Of course.”

Ivan nodded, finished his pastry in silence, washed the crumbs off his hands at the sink, made a quick call to Anjelica to make blinis and then turned to Eve. “You’re angry with me.”

“No, I understand you have to go.”

“Not about Anton. You heard me say Tej’s name, didn’t you? It’s not what you think.”

“It wasn’t that,” she said but admitted honestly, “although I was surprised but I’m not a child, Ivan. I know Tej is still part of your life, in fact one of the things I admire about you and your family is how you’ve done that. A lot of families don’t manage to do it in such a healthy way as you all have.”

Ivan laughed. “Hold that thought,” he said dryly. “But you’re still angry with me.”

His laughter infuriated her. “Maybe I’m a little mad because you didn’t recognise me when you woke, and when you did you were _embarrassed_.” Ivan flinched. “Yeah, I saw it. You certainly weren’t happy to see me, Ivan. This is good. This way it won’t get drawn out. Right? Your second thoughts about wanting a serious chance with me?”

“I don’t have second thoughts.” He moved closer and Eve moved away. “Eve, come on.” He laughed. “I’m not going to chase you around the apartment. I need to get dressed. Can you please just follow me and listen?”

“You couldn’t catch me anyway but yes of course.”

She followed him back into the bedroom where he began to dress and speak. It was very distracting watching him dress so she turned away and watched the wallpaper. “I _was _embarrassed,” Ivan admitted, making her glad he couldn’t see her face as she was sure that pounding hurt would show. “I was embarrassed because you overheard me talking to Tej. I did recognise you, Eve but it was confusing - in my dream you had long hair and Tej was suggesting I cut it to return to the present. I didn’t think you’d like that, and then I saw you.”

Alright dream and reality mixed up, that sounded plausible she supposed. “Disappointed by my short hair?” she asked with a smile.

“With your beautiful neck? Who would be?”

She laughed. “Hmm. You’ve definitely found your words now.”

“Just hope it’s not too late. I didn’t want to tell you this right now but,” he paused and stepped closer.

“But?” she prompted placing a hand on his chest and she buttoned the last few buttons he’d left undone.

“But that’s not the only time Tej talks to me and that’s what I have to explain. You’ve already observed it when you thought someone was in my ear.”

Her hand stalled but she finished the last button. “Oh.” And all of a sudden those looks of Ivan’s made sense – in a way.

“I’m not a lunatic, Eve. I know Tej has gone but it’s her words. She speaks to me – even if it’s only in my head.” He gripped her hand. “Also I meant everything I said to you. I want you in my life, I want to make the most of this second chance that I’m screwing up every five seconds, giving you reasons to run away again, and now I have to go home.”

Eve wasn’t sure what to say so she stepped back and said, “I’ll get your coat and you can take some of these pastries.” At the door she helped put his coat on in silence; Ivan slung his bag over his shoulder and Eve started to laugh as she handed him the large pastry box. “My God, it’s _already _not going well for us, is it?”

“I’m sorry I have to go –“

“No, no don’t. You’ll set me off laughing again. I’m laughing at myself, Ivan. It’s me trying to solve something I never could and now I see why.” She looked up at him and smiled. “When you have the time, call me and we’ll talk about how we’re going to do this and we can talk about Tej. I’d like to. I’m so grateful you being honest with me and I’m _not_ running away from this, Ivan. Let me walk you to the second lift.” Ivan rapidly checked his calendar of when they could meet and they arranged a time the following day but Eve said knowing their luck they’d have to cancel. Outside the second lift she stopped him. “You’ve been very honest about your,” she paused, and said softly, “Tej comms?”

He let out a short laugh. “Yes, let’s call it that. Just between us.”

“I won’t tell anyone. You know that. It couldn’t have been easy for you and I’m honoured you trust me and,” she sighed, her heart beginning to make its presence felt, “I’m going to be honest too. I’m going to tell you something and whatever happens between us from now or whatever has happened I don’t regret anything and you’re not obligated to say anything. In fact I’d rather you didn’t say anything after I tell you. It’s for another time.” Ivan closed his mouth and she continued. “So I will see you tomorrow I hope, and first – if you hadn’t taken sex off the table I would’ve joined you in the shower and second, I love you, Ivan, I always have but I didn’t know it then but I know now that I always will.” She watched him disappear in the lift tube and grinned at his handsome, stunned face.


	20. How Not to Keep a Secret | How to Scratch That Itch

**Vorpatril Residence**

Ivan had no time to dwell on Eve’s words as it wasn’t long after Ivan returned home that most of the children returned but not with Jamie –he had left the waterpark early. As eager as Ivan was to interrogate his son on his view of the embassy dinner, it allowed him more time to deal with Anton who clung to his father as soon as he came home. Eve and Jamie would have to wait. 

Anton’s injury was harmless but Anton had had a fright and felt his father’s absence at the waterpark. Ivan’s own medic examined Anton and he didn’t have anything of concern. He prescribed some painkillers which Ivan administered when Anton wasn’t paying attention. Anton sat on Ivan’s lap as he ate blinis but not with his usual appetite and then followed Ivan wherever he went but soon feel asleep.

There was a silver lining to it all that Ivan welcomed. Moira and Franz had been the main witnesses to what happened and Anton had been in awe of his sister’s reaction, and clung to one of her precious fluffies that she’d allowed him to hold and keep him company. Moira had torn verbal strips off the child who had pushed Anton over and given the child’s parents a piece of her mind. Ivan’s office had already received a message from the distraught parents who had the idea that they were going to be sued by the Imperium and they thought that Anton was a high-ranking prince.

Moira shrugged, a glint in her eye. “I never said that but I _may_ have mentioned Anton’s title and that you were the ambassador. They were _so rude,_ Da. They tried to blame Anton but the security vid showed it was their brat’s fault. At least_ he_ apologised.”

“Hmm.” Ivan picked up a sleeping Anton from the sofa and Moira followed as Ivan put him to bed. Ivan pulled the covers up and turned to Moira. “Good work. I’ll let them stew for a couple of hours before I put them out of their misery. I’ll tell them the Imperium isn’t going to sue. This time.” Moira laughed and Ivan grinned. “I’m glad you were there for him. I’m never worried when he’s with you all.” That was a white lie but it’s what he tried to do.

Moira’s cheeks pinked and she let out a small laugh. “I – he’s my brother,” she said simply. “Even if he is a brat. He needs me.” She suddenly embraced Ivan. “I’m glad you’re here, Da,” she said. “I – it’s good that you’re here.”

Her words echoed Rohan’s so much before he spoke that Ivan squeezed her hard. “Where else would I be?”

“I’m staying,” she pulled back and shrugged. “I thought I’d tell you – I’m going to go to college here in London and stay at home but _only _for the first year,” she added quickly. “You were seventeen when you went to the academy and I’ll only be a year younger if I leave home for my second year and - ” Ivan crushed her in another embrace. “Da!”

“Shush. I love my Moira. I think it’s a very sensible decision and you can stay here even when you go on to university but that’s your decision,” he added at her growl and she laughed.

Jamie arrived with Nikki and some gifts for Anton. Nikki asked Ivan if he’d had a pleasant night without all the kids; Ivan didn’t miss the insinuation in his tone and ignored it, giving him a smile. “I had a nice evening thank you, Nikolai. Yourself?”

Nikki nodded, examining his uncle face with an odd smile. “It was _educational_,” Nikki said. “Since Anton’s asleep I’m off. Got things to do.” Nikki gave Jamie a look before he left and Jamie looked amused.

Jamie turned to Ivan. “Got time to talk?”

Ivan asked him to wait in his study. “I need to check these messages. I won’t be long.” Ivan moved into Anton’s room, closed the door and read the alert from Eve. _Jamie picked up those flowers that were outside my door. It’s likely he saw your conspicuous flag-heavy aircar outside my building, you’re going to get a huge fine. Jamie may call you. _ Ivan called Eve but receiving no answer left her a message for her to call him when she could.

**

**Eve’s Apartment**

Eve answered the call she’d been tempted to let go unanswered but things had rapidly changed; this was someone it wouldn’t be wise to ignore. Eve took the call at the kitchen table. Chocolate cake slices within reach.

“Hi,” Eve said.

Allie nodded, her soft curls waved around her face and settled back perfectly to frame her face. “Hi.”

Eve leaned back in her chair and waited as Allie said nothing but continued to stare at Eve with her arms folded. “Something I can help you with?” Eve asked.

Allie leaned forward. “Are you having sex with my father?”

“I’m sorry?” Eve laughed.

“Or are you going to say it’s none of my business? There’s no point lying. I know my father was at yours last night.”

So Jamie did see the aircar but there was no way he would tell anyone about it. Was he with Allie? It didn’t matter as Allie was right – there was no point in lying about it. Eve bit down on a laugh that was bubbling up inside her. Eve had no idea why it was that serious things like this always made her laugh. Maybe it was because her life always seemed so damn ridiculous at times. “Yes, your father and I spent time together here last night,” Eve said carefully, framing the answer she’d thankfully already thought about for when she had this conversation with Jamie, “but we’re still working out what that means so there’s nothing more to tell you yet.”

Allie’s eyes narrowed into gold slits. “Are you serious? You must have had some conversation between all the sex?”

_Sex. I wish._ “Sleep,” Eve corrected.

“Sleep?” Allie repeated, sounding more startled by this than the idea of them having sex.

“Shortly after your father arrived which was at a very early hour, he naturally fell sleep and when he woke Anton needed him so he had to leave. You children of course take priority,” she added.

“I’m not worried about my father’s priorities!” Allie said taken aback. “I – my God, did he really fall asleep on you?”

Eve did laugh then. “Like I said, it was very early or very late depending on your point of view, and it was fine. The conversations your father and I need to have require a very clear head.” With no misunderstandings, she was tempted to add.

Allie relaxed somewhat and Eve could appreciate the shock of it, and not knowing Ivan’s children, Eve had no idea how they would feel about their father dating anyone.

Allie stiffened. “I’m ah leaving soon for Barrayar otherwise I wouldn’t have called you like this,” she said quickly as if suddenly aware of what she’d asked. “I wouldn’t have known if – well, you may as well know since I don’t think you do. Jamie gave Nikki a lift back into town from the waterpark; Jamie said he had leave – to help a friend out.” Eve recognised that tone. Was she worried Jamie left because of them?

“Jamie’s often rescuing his friends at all kinds of strange hours,” Eve said, “it doesn’t surprise me.”

She nodded, her relief obvious. “Well, you know he went to yours too; they both saw my Da’s aircar there. Nikki said Jamie picked up some flowers - left by your ex I believe?”

Eve sighed. “Yes.”

“That young fellow at the dinner yesterday?”

“He’s not that young,” Eve said. She really wished people would stop referring to Chris as a young fellow but then Eve often forgot Chris was fifteen years younger than Eve because he could be breathtakingly patronising sometimes. “I give any flowers 24 hours before I kill them,” Eve explained. “Jamie likes to rescue them and give them a better home.” She knew part of it was Jamie thought it would create a positive out of a negative situation and be good for his mother; Eve humoured him. She missed pulverising those bouquets and imagining they were Chris. Yeah, probably not that healthy.

Allie rubbed the back of her neck with her hand. “Jamie told Nikki to be discreet about my Da which was a mistake. Discreet to Nikki means telling everyone in the family he trusts,” she said with a shake of her had. “He doesn’t_ gossip_,” she added. “Not outside the family I mean. But I told him if he tells anyone else I’ll cut his nuts off. That’s what Jamie should’ve done.”

“Cut his nuts off?”

That got a smile out of her. “Told him not to tell anyone_ then_ Nikki wouldn’t have. He can keep secrets, we all can you just have to be explicit. I’ll explain to Jamie the way it works in the family especially with my cousins.”

“I’m sure he’ll be grateful,” Eve said. Eve noted the missed call from Ivan and then read the message he left: _Jamie is here and yes he knows. No fine for embassy vehicles – diplomatic immunity. Call me later. I did not take sex off the table_. Eve snorted a laugh and shook her head at Allie. “Ah sorry, my…friend sent me a – never mind. Is there anything else you want to know? I’m not saying I’ll tell you but you never know.”

“I suppose if you’ve both not talked yet it’s too early to say how serious this all is yet.”

Eve smiled. “It’s serious for me, Allie.” Allie didn’t respond so Eve filled in the silence. “But we’re not kids; all this doesn’t mean it’s going to work out between us; I’m not taking anything for granted and I doubt your father is either. I’m sure we’re all aware of the complexity of this especially when children are involved. But whatever happens, it won’t affect Jamie’s relationship with you all. I’ll make sure of it and I’m sure your father will feel the same.”

Allie frowned. “It sounds like you’re writing off my father already.” Eve couldn’t explain that the opposite was the problem for her – she trusted and loved Ivan so completely she had to arm herself as much as he could. “I’m sure Da had a very good reason for falling asleep on you,” Allie continued. “His work is quite intense you know. Especially when he has to deal with those _Escobarrans_.” She spat out that last word. 

Allie’s misunderstanding of what Eve meant and her sweet defence of her father just made Eve want to laugh more. “I’m aware of how good a job your father does and I completely understand his fatigue.” 

She nodded. “Right good. I have to go. I have a lot to do before I leave. I’ll…goodbye.”

“Safe trip.”

“Thanks but I’m sure we’ll see each other again before I leave. Bye, Eve.”

Eve waved but Allie was already gone and Eve let go of all the laughter and wondered how Ivan was getting on with Jamie.

**Vorpatril Residence **

As Jamie sat on the floor, his lotus position making Ivan wince, Ivan took the worn armchair but ended up sitting at the edge of it. “Did you enjoy the dinner?” Ivan asked. “We never had the chance to catch-up after you were whisked away to the waterpark – how was that?”

“Waterpark was fun.” Jamie nodded. “But the dinner, it was mixed,” he added bluntly. It didn’t sound good but Ivan waited. Jamie chewed on his lip before expanding. “It’s its own world being part of your family and I felt it at the dinner but in a good way.” He nodded again, eyes narrowing. “I am more…prepared. I thought I was prepared but I wasn’t, I am now. I won’t be going to the wedding – you don’t mind?” Ivan’s confusion must have shown because Jamie explained, “Count Vorkosigan’s daughter, she sent me an invite. You didn’t know?”

“No, but it’s not my business.” _Miles should’ve given me a heads-up._ “It’s Taurie’s wedding and it’s up to you. She wouldn’t have invited you if she didn’t want you there.”

Jamie picked up one of Anton’s battered toy aircars and ran his fingers over it. “It’s not that,” he said quietly. “I could lie and say I’m too busy.” He raised his eyes. “I can’t rearrange my summer camp duties but I could rearrange my holiday but I’m not ready for more of this. Not yet,” he added firmly. “I’m not ready to visit Barrayar as –“ he stopped.

“As my son?” Ivan filled in, his heart sank. Part of him wasn’t surprised but still. He’d been hopeful of more.

Jamie nodded. “I’m not ready for that light on me – not on Barrayar. Not right now.”

What could Ivan say? He tried to hide his disappointment behind a smile. “I understand. You want more time.”

“Yes. Maybe next summer,” Jamie said, “Do you go to Barrayar every summer? I’m just assuming.”

Ivan shook his head. “Not every summer but I do try to get back there when I can. It’s different this summer as I have to take home leave; it’s compulsory leave for diplomatic personnel,” Ivan explained registering Jamie’s questioning look, “so we don’t lose touch with our roots. I ah hope you have time to keep in touch while I’m away? When you can. I know you have a busy summer too.” 

“Of course.” Jamie’s brow creased, “You do understand that the time I need isn’t from you?” And Ivan’s heart swelled. “And you’ll be coming back here? To Earth?”

“Of course,” Ivan said relieved at his insistent tone. “I’m not usually the best correspondent but I will keep in touch.”

Jamie nodded. “Good. Me too. So you spent the night with my mother? Is that a one-off?”

_Oh shit._ Looks like Eve was right. “What?”

Jamie leaned back on his hands and surveyed his father. “I saw your aircar outside the building. I was there picking up something for Ma. I know she had guests; she lets me know so I know not to disturb her. You were there weren’t you?” He sounded surprised but Ivan couldn’t detect if he was upset about it. And no, Ivan couldn’t tell Jamie it was none of his business; at least Eve had armed him.

“I spent time with your mother, yes but it was cut short by Anton’s injury. We’re still working things out, Jamie but if you want to know anything else, you’ll have to speak to your mother, and I’d appreciate it if you didn’t mention that I was there to anyone else – it being no one else’s business.” 

Jamie stared at him hard. “So you_ were_ there,” he said and shook his head and muttered something. “Did you do the security drill?” Jamie asked.

Ivan was baffled by this question and Jamie’s penetrating stare. Ivan shook his head. “You mean in the building? No there were no alerts.”

“I see.” Jamie sounded like he didn’t quite believe it but then he moved off his hands and nodded. “I see. Right, that’s fair and you’re right it’s no one’s business if you spend time with my mother but Nikki knows - he was with me. I gave him a lift. You may want to tell him not to tell _your_ mother as she doesn’t approve of my Ma. I can tell.”

Ivan had prepared for this one as he knew there was no way he could stop his mother from being herself. He was also glad of the change of subject. “Your grandmother is upset because you were kept a secret, Jamie. I was raised without a father too and I know the more my mother gets to know Eve and you – and how well you’ve been raised and what a remarkable woman your mother is, I’m sure those doubts with thaw.” Ivan’s most optimistic spin on matters but what else could he do?

“She doesn’t want to get to know my mother,” Jamie said flatly.

“Then that will be her loss, won’t it?”

Jamie let out a short laugh. “It won’t bother her? That you like my Ma?”

Ivan waved a hand. “My mother hasn’t approved of many things about me over the years – I never let it bother me. If I had, I would’ve been married within a year of my graduation; the day after it my mother presented me with a list of women who had her seal of approval.”

Jamie laughed but looked equally appalled. “What?”

“Tip of the iceberg.” And Ivan told Jamie about all the ways his mother blindsided him with uninvited female guests over his lifetime. 

“You really like her don’t you,” Jamie said suddenly, meeting Ivan’s eyes, “My Ma.”

“Of course. But you know I always did.”

**

“I’m glad you find it so funny,” Ivan said.

It was just after midnight and Ivan finally had some time to call Eve. They caught up on their respective chats with Allie and Jamie and Ivan added that Nikki had already told Miles, Ekaterin, Alex and Pax before Allie shut him down. Ivan was relating how Allie had suggested he may be too old for Eve, mentioning Chris and how Eve ‘seemed quite young and active’.

“I think she’s worried you’re going to wear me out,” Ivan said. “Whereas I’m banking on it.”

Eve laughed again. “And yet you haven’t even kissed me yet – most remiss of you by the way and here is everyone speculating on our night together.”

Ivan put his coffee down. “You were waiting for me to kiss you? I had no idea you’d changed so much. So you averted your eyes last night when you put me to bed?”

Eve grinned. “God no. I had an opportunity to look at you at my own leisure – I enjoyed your nakedness. I’m afraid I’m quite superficial and appreciated very much how you take care of your body.” She leaned forward. “Thank you.” After Ivan’s laughter had run down Eve added, “And I usually always make the first move but things are different now and just for now it would be good to be certain. You could’ve kissed me although I admit I wanted you to sleep last night and a kiss then would’ve been very dangerous.” She grinned. “I wanted you fully compos mentis for when we talked and for when I wear you out although,” her grin faltered, “it does feel like we’re running out of time.” 

Ivan felt the same. Eve would be leaving for Barrayar in a few weeks and he would be without her. “We just have to make the most of it. We’re still on for lunch later? At my office?”

“Definitely. You look like you want to ask me something but you’re not sure. I’d rather you just ask it before our lunch.”

Damn she was perceptive. He nodded. “Jamie asked me about an emergency drill at your place and I sensed there was more to it – ah you know what that’s about.”

Eve had hoped some things she could keep under wraps until things had moved forward. She didn’t want to hit him with all her peculiarities at once. “I usually run my first time guests through my emergency procedures and security measures. Jamie was surprised I didn’t with you.” Which was only a small part but enough for now. 

Ivan shrugged. “You can always run it through with me next time?”

The relief made her laugh. “I look forward to it.”

**

**Barrayaran Embassy**

“Something wrong?” Ivan asked.

Eve was taking in the multitude of cakes and pastries covering the table and realised that she and Ivan had a very different idea of this brunch date. “No, no - that’s quite a spread.”

“Well we have a lot to talk about.” After a pause he added, “There are five different kinds of chocolate cake.”

She looked up at him. “Thank you. We still have 70 minutes? Undisturbed? ”

Ivan’s gaze didn’t leave her face as he reached down and took her hands with his warm ones. “Yes. Door is locked and my staff have been instructed what constitutes an emergency.” He moved as if to go to the sofa and the table of desserts but Eve gripped his hands, planted her feet and shook her head. “Can I have a tour?”

Ivan blinked. “A tour? Of the embassy?”

“Not that kind of tour.” Eve pointed to the side of her, biting on her lip to stop herself from laughing at his confused face. “What’s in there?”

Ivan turned to where she pointed and frowned at the door. “It’s nothing. Just a bathroom and – ah.”

Eve let out an exasperated laugh “Oh, Ivan. Did you really just want to talk because –“ Ivan swept her up in a kiss and made good use of his hands. Oh God. Yes, he still had it.

Eve lead him into his private room with the compact bathroom and a small pallet bed if the ambassador ever needed a nap or in this case, if he had a guest who couldn’t wait to reacquaint herself with every inch of his skin. Ivan’s doubts about doing this in his office melted as Eve’s nimble hands undid Ivan’s clothes carefully, as she tried to be sensible with the time and where they were. The clothes managed to be discarded without damage but the shower was just too tempting. “Oh no,” Eve said, “it’s not too small, trust me, I can get in that small space with you. Yoga, you know.” After much laughter and heat when he peeled off her boots and discovered what she was wearing underneath her dress it all descended into a blur, an urgency of touch, heat and a hope that this room was as soundproofed as Ivan’s office since Eve couldn’t restrain her pleasurable release from a long waited itch that had taken too long to be scratched.

They’d set an alarm but that didn’t stop them watching the time go too quickly. “We should go and eat some of that cake,” Eve said into his chest. “After all the trouble your staff went to.”

“How do you know I didn’t personally buy all that cake?”

She raised her head. “Did you?”

“No.”

She laughed and returned to listen to his heart. Ivan sighed and stroked her back. “Do you have to go so soon?”

She smiled. “You want to conduct your meetings in here? How broad minded of you. I think you’d even shock the Betans.” 

He chuckled at that idea and after a pause said, “You’ll be leaving soon for Barrayar.”

This was something she didn’t want to think about. Not now. “And so will you a few weeks after me,” she said injecting as much lightness into her tone as she could muster. “Let’s face it – our timing permanently sucks but we still have a few weeks here and we’ll overlap on Barrayar too.”

“You’ll be in the south,” Ivan pointed out.

“Not always. We’ll still have time to meet.”

“Yeah?”

The surprise in his voice caused her to sit up. “Yeah of course.”

Ivan’s hands clamped on to her hips as she settled on his thighs. “When?” he demanded.

“What?” she laughed. “You want to set a time and date _now?_”

“Yes. And a promise that you’ll meet me or I can come to you but we won’t miss each other on Barrayar.”

Now she understood. Eve stroked her fingers down his cheek. “Ivan, I’m not running away. I’m not going to waste this chance with you. You’re going to find it very hard to get rid of me.”

Ivan sat up with her and pulled her tighter into his arms, burying his face in her neck. “Good because you know I love you too.”

Her breath caught as she said, “Yes. I know.” But she also knew love wasn’t enough – what was going to happen now? The air was getting heavy and it was too much right now. She ran her fingers down his much scratched back. “Let’s go have some of that cake.” She smiled. “I can’t believe we just had sex in your office. You should be ashamed of yourself. What were you thinking?” She broke into a roar of laughter as Ivan tickled her and tackled her on to her back. She faced his grin with one of her own. “At least your staff won’t suspect; you don’t have that kind of reputation.”

Ivan frowned. “I’m not sure how to take that.” His hand skimmed down to between her thighs. “Do you think they’ll suspect me of doing this? Or this?”

She gripped his shoulders and gasped. “I don’t think we have time for a quickie before cake.”

“Good because this isn’t going to be quick.”


	21. Jamie | Allie | The Vorpatril Kids Have Their Own Plan |

**Eve’s Apartment (yes, we’re still on Earth)**

Jamie arrived as Marie left his mother’s private lift. She greeted him with a peel of laughter. “Well! What next, eh?” she said. She kissed his cheek. “You alright? Not seen you all week.”

“Course. Ma said it’s not affecting your travel plans?”

“As if your mother would let it although she may feel differently when your father arrives on Barrayar too but so far we’ll still be following the same itinerary.” Jamie encouraged Marie to talk about that because Jamie had things on his mind that he wasn’t willing to discuss with Marie and she was very adept at getting things out of people. “Anyway I’ll let you go,” Marie said. “You and your mother must have a lot of things to discuss.”

“No more than usual,” he said dryly and they both laughed at that.

But before she left she squeezed him in a tight embrace. “You’re my boy too and you know if you want to talk I’m here.”

“I know.”

Marie shook her head. “Still can’t believe she let him in the apartment and without a drill.”

“Me neither,” Jamie said and waved Marie goodbye.

Ma was on the balcony, stretched out in the sunlight in a parighasana yoga pose. “Getting some kinks out. Want to join me?”

“No but you carry on.”

But she straightened and angled her head. “Sit,” she said pointing to the basket chair.

Jamie did as instructed and he laughed at the wine glasses and the bottle of red on the table. “You know these are white wine glasses,” he stated.

Ma grinned. “It distracted Marie while she screamed out to the galaxy more of her feelings about my love life and my wine ineptness.” She threw herself into the chair, sighed and examined him under her lashes. “You’re ready tell me what’s been riding you, aren’t you? Good because I couldn’t go on another day without asking you. Do I need cake for this?” she asked it half-jokingly.

Jamie gathered his words and felt the air thicken. “Did you give him up for me? My father?”

She laughed out loud at that. “Sorry, Jamie – you know I’m not laughing at you. No, I did not give anything up for you. Is_ that_ what’s been on your mind?”

But Jamie didn’t believe it. “It took you three months before you let anyone new, including Chris, into this apartment and that was with a two week induction and security drills. My father is the only person you’ve ever – Ma, I don’t understand. If you loved him why did you leave? You trust him. You’ve trusted him from the start.” He couldn’t recall his mother trusting any other men that came into her life. Not like this.

She moved her chair closer and took his hands. “Listen to me. You are right I loved him from the start but I didn’t know it then; I didn’t recognise it. All that strong emotion got mixed up then when I found out I was pregnant and had decisions to make.”

“But you knew there were strong feelings there. If you weren’t pregnant, you would’ve been together.”

She shook her head. “I doubt that, Jamie, I was a different person then. I never told your father the truth about myself, my background, if I had and _then _we spent time together then it may’ve been different. You’re right I trust him now but I didn’t trust him like that then, and I wasn’t brave enough to tell him the full truth about myself all those years ago. Your mother was quite the coward.”

“That wasn’t cowardly, Ma. Anyone would understand you keeping things to yourself.”

She shrugged. “Perhaps. Let’s just say I wasn’t strong enough to deal with his world and it was that weakness that made me sure I had to raise you without him or I’d be in danger of losing you. Jamie, look at me – I didn’t sacrifice my love. I didn’t even realise what those feelings were until I saw your father here again and I was forced to face it and even then it’s taken me a while.”

“You’re not a coward. I won’t have you say that. What you did for me…I get it. I do. I got to have whatever life I wanted because of you.” She’d never made him feel like he should be something else. Even subtle pressures could put you on unwanted paths and from what Jamie had seen of his father’s family they were forced to deal with historical expectations on top of everything else. Alex had joked about his career changes but Pax’s naked concern and things Alex let slip were enough for Jamie to see Alex had been through an emotional hell before he made peace with his career choices. “But my father,” Jamie said, getting to the point which was painful to think of, “he’s always been the one, hasn’t he?”

She grinned and her face lit her eyes bright. In the sunlight she literally looked like she was glowing. “Yeah,” she said softly, “it appears so. Some people get to have more than one love but not me and I did try,” she said defensively. “I guess now we know why your mother’s had such a disastrous love life.” She gave him that smile and he knew though all her flippancy she was speaking the truth as well as being too hard on herself. “I know how it must sound, Jamie me being in love with him all these years but there’s no point in speculating on what your ma would’ve done. I don’t regret my choices when it comes to you – I only regret that I couldn’t give you your own life and your father at the same time - you get that?”

“Yes.”

“And you get that your Ma’s not perfect, Jamie.”

“You are to me, Ma. My father better treat you as you deserve. His family too.”

“Don’t you worry about that,” she said, “I’m not expecting smooth sailing and we’re going to take our time. Let us all get used to the idea. Don’t be too hard on those kids, Jamie – they’re still getting used to having a magnificent new older brother. This will be quite a shock.”

“After seeing the way you both were at the Embassy dinner, Ma and your history, it’s less of a shock than you think. Even Moira sees it.”

“Moira,” Ma said softly, “you understand about her, don’t you?”

He nodded. “Yeah, everyone thinks Rohan’s the more sensitive one but it’s Moira.” Jamie had met kids like her before. Blunt without any filter because that’s how they felt – everything raw. She hid her own pain well but his father said Tej picked up on it before anyone else. “She feels things deeply,” Jamie said but he shook his head. “It doesn’t mean she should get away with everything. The way you handled Moira at the embassy was right. She needs to learn, Ma.”

“I know, sweetheart, and I know you’ll keep dipping into that magnificence patience you use with the kids you work with.”

“I learnt that from you, Ma.”

“You give me far too much credit, love.” 

They talked for a while but it was time he dealt with another important matter. “I have to go. I bet Marc’s still asleep. He says hi by the way.”

“Oh dear, he’s still at yours? Do you never have that place to yourself?”

Jamie laughed. “I don’t mind it and Marc’s a good mate. He just falls in love as fast as he crashes out. Unlike me.” He looked at his Ma and mused, “Maybe I’m like you and there’s just one person for me too but I’ve not mine yet.”

Ma hugged him. “They better deserve you whoever this lucky person is and you’re so young yet. You have plenty of time to fall in love and let it mess with your life.” Jamie didn’t point out that she was much younger than him when she fell for his father. But he understood now why his mother had so much more patience than he often had with his lovesick friends. 

After leaving his mother Jamie left a message for his father that he needed to speak to him urgently and took the call on his walk back to his own apartment – in the building across from his mother’s.

**Jamie's Apartment**

He was leaving the lift tube that took him to his penthouse, when his father returned the call. “Has something happened?” he asked.

“Don’t buy her flowers,” Jamie said, entering his home and ignoring the lift as he took the stairs two at a time to the mezzanine rooms. Marc was still sprawled out asleep. How could people sleep this late into the afternoon? 

“Flowers?” His father asked.

Jamie went into the bathroom and filled a glass with ice water. “My Ma. She doesn’t like flowers. Don’t keep buying her flowers thinking you’ll find the ones she likes – it just pisses her off and it’s not romantic. My Ma doesn’t lie about stuff she doesn’t like. So don’t buy her flowers.”

The ambassador cleared his throat and said in a strained tone “Right-oh, no flowers. Anything else?”

“You can’t go wrong with chocolate cake from Miura’s as long as it doesn’t have fruit in it but if you buy her cake get two, one for her and one to share. Ma doesn’t like sharing cake that’s meant just for her. To her that’s rude and not a gift for her.” Jamie paused at the bed. “And don’t hurt her. I’ll speak to you later.” And he cut the call and poured the glass of water over Marc’s face and waited patiently for Marc to finish swearing at him. “Wash, dress, eat,” Jamie said tersely, “and make yourself scarce for a couple of hours. Cleo said you can go to hers. I have serious guests coming, Marc. You can’t be here.”

Marc grinned through his wet hair. “Lover?”

“My new siblings. Family conference. They’re too young for you or too partnered up for you.”

Marc threw up his hands. “I never said anything. I don’t want to be set up with anyone right now. My heart is hurting, Jam, hurting.” Marc stabbed his chest with his hands.

“Your heart’s on the other side, genius.”

“My heart is everywhere, Jam! So…just how partnered up are your siblings? Isn’t that sexy dancer brother of yours in an open relationship? And what about the goddess sister of his?”

Jamie sighed.

*

“Sorry, we’re a little early,” Allie said as Jamie let them into his massive apartment. “Great place! I’m just anxious we get this sorted.” Allie was also leaving the following morning and it was unlikely she was going to get any sleep with all the other things she had left to do but this was too important.

“It’s fine,” Jamie said, “Please sit wherever you like – ah this is Marc who is leaving.”

Jamie rapidly introduced them to a large blond fellow, with curlier hair than Anton’s, who grinned at all of them, his large blue eyes of course sticking mostly to Pax until Jamie pushed Marc towards the exit.

“Bye,” Marc said, “can’t wait to meet you all again- alright, alright, I’m going,” he muttered to Jamie. “But I need a jacket. He wouldn’t let me take my clothes and I don’t want to buy new clothes again.”

Jamie pulled out a large grey jacket out of a cupboard. “We’ll get your stuff tonight I promise. Go to Cleo’s, alright?”

“Yes, Dada.” Marc kissed Jamie’s cheek and left. Jamie did seem quite fatherly towards this Marc. Allie’s guess that they may be lovers quickly dissipating after noting their interaction. 

“There’s some snacks on the table,” Jamie said, gesturing to the trays of food, “If you’re really hungry we’ll have to order in. Marc’s eaten everything.”

“Is Marc your room- mate?” Rohan asked.

“Sometimes,” Jamie said. “I have various friends who crash here now and then.”

“Can we have a tour?” Pax asked, eyes scanning the large room and mezzanine stairs.

“We don’t time for a tour,” Allie snapped, “and we’re fine for food so let’s get to it.”

Da had told them all he was dating Eve emphasising it was at the early stages and that Eve wouldn’t be staying the night at the house (yet) but there would be times he would be visiting her at her apartment and spending time with her but this would be around work and around them and they were to come to him with any issues they had about it. The most shocking thing about it all had been Moira – she hadn’t said a word about it. In fact Moira had been unusually quiet since everyone found out. Anton hadn’t been told anything yet except that Eve was his father’s friend and he’d be spending time with her too. Not the full truth but enough that Anton wouldn’t be blindsided. Anton was on a playdate so he didn’t know all his siblings were out without him.

Allie had to clear it all up before she left; Mama would expect her to do it. It wasn’t because she was the eldest – it was because Pax had never been one to take charge. Her mama had said it was because Allie often prevented it. Allie didn’t think so. She just acted quicker than Pax that was all.

Pax leaned back into the sofa, arms folded. “Still don’t see why Alex couldn’t come.”

Pax hadn’t stopped sulking since Allie had put her foot down about Alex. “Because this doesn’t concern Alex so get over it.” Allie kicked herself as that stubborn demeanour began set into Pax’s jaw. “Pax,” Allie said with as much patience as she could muster. “Please. I need you for this, you can tell Alex all about this after.” Pax appeared to soften. The other reason Allie had not wanted Alex there is he had a habit of taking over before you’d realised he’d done it and right now Allie needed this to be a Vorpatril decision not a Vorkosigan one. She loved her Vorkosigan cousins but they did all like to be in charge.

“If this is about Da and Eve dating I’m fine with it,” Rohan said softly, still signing his words. “I’m happy for them,” he added, looking at Jamie. Jamie smiled and said nothing.

“It isn’t just about that,” Allie said. Jamie had understood. She’d already spoken to him about the problem as she saw it and he’d agreed. “Pax, how are you about it?” Pax’s discomfort shone out and Allie added, “It’s important we all be honest. For Da’s sake.”

“For _all_ our sakes,” Jamie said and Allie nodded in agreement.

“I’m glad Da has someone,” Pax said, “as long as she doesn’t try to – I don’t need a mother,” he said. “No offence intended,” he said to Jamie but Jamie only gave him that benign smile and Pax relaxed.

“I don’t think Eve’s going to try and mother any of us,” Allie said, “unless we ask for it. In fact I can tell she’s going to keep her distance if that’s what we want.” And it was this that bothered her. 

“Anton is going to be so smug and all over Eve when he finds out the truth,” Pax said and turned to Jamie. “No offence,” he said again.

Jamie laughed and waved a hand to dismiss the comment. “That won’t be an issue for my Ma.”

“Anton’s wanted another Mama for a long while,” Rohan said, “we’ve made him desperate for it because we told him so much about Mama. He wants the same experience we all had.” That perceptive remark distracted and stunned Allie for a moment. Allie turned to Moira, sat on an armchair away from her siblings.

“You fine with it too, Moira?” Allie asked as lightly as she could.

Moira met Allie’s eyes. “Grandmother doesn’t like it.”

Allie forced herself not to roll her eyes. “Grandmother doesn’t like many things about Da’s choices. Da’s always told us that. He makes a joke out of it. You know how they are with each other. They agree to disagree. Are you saying you’re on her side?” Allie asked, her voice strained as she tried to ask it as it as calmly as possible but the atmosphere charged in an instant and then seemed to diffuse just as quickly. Moira’s expression troubled Allie.

“You should tell them,” Rohan said to Moira. Moira glanced at Jamie and Rohan nodded. “He’s family.”

Allie forced herself to be quiet. Rohan had a way with his non-twin which no one else did. Just like her parents did. Allie could never quite manage it.

“I’m not an idiot, I can see how much Da likes her,” Moira said. “I know it’s only been a week but we know this is serious already. It was obvious to grandmother too. She spoke to me alone about it. I think she thought…she thought I would take her side over Da’s.” Oh. Now Allie could see it. Their grandmother had mistaken Moira’s attitude to Eve as something that could be used to help her cause. But no matter how Moira, how any of them had felt about anything, they would always have their father’s back. That’s just the way it was. Allie was relieved because it meant that grandmother’s interference had backfired. Not the ideal way to bring Moira to her side of thinking but Allie would take it. “As long as Eve doesn’t think she can replace Ma,” Moira said bluntly. Now this was the Moira Allie was expecting. “And as long as she makes Da happy,” Moira added, “not that he’s unhappy.” She shot Jamie a look. “Because he wasn’t unhappy.”

Jamie nodded. “I could tell. My Ma wasn’t unhappy either but it’s fair to say that they make each other happier now they’ve found each other again, and as long that continues I have no issues with our father dating my mother. We all want them to be happy – or happier, don’t we?” They all indicated their agreements with nods. “But,” Jamie added, a sharp look in those green eyes, “it all may change depending on what they’re prepared to put up with. My Ma certainly doesn’t deserve the disrespect she’s been shown by some people.”

Moira was so obviously put out by the way Jamie framed it, although there was nothing accusatory in his tone, that Allie quickly spoke before Moira ruined things. “And that happiness depends on us too. Eve and Da are going out of their way to put us first and make sure we’re not_ unduly_ affected – like were kids and I think they’re going too far. All this stepping on eggshells isn’t needed. We can handle this.” They all nodded in agreement. “I’m glad Da’s found someone too,” Allie added. “I’m not saying I find it easy but I wouldn’t take this away from Da just because we had Mama in our lives. Da needs someone too and Mama,” her breath caught, “and Mama would want it too. She spoke about it even when Da wouldn’t.”

This was something they all knew. The very few fights their parents had had been their Da’s stubbornness in not updating his will whereas their mother confronted the bleak possibilities about those decisions and she would always joke about how long she expected Da to wait until he found someone if she passed. Of course none of them expected it to happen but then whoever did? The conversation had upset the children who had eavesdropped but Allie was glad for once that they’d all heard it. Mama had wanted more love in Da’s life. And this was the strange thing. Even though it had only been a few days they all accepted that Eve and Da were serious. That this was long term. They hadn’t explicitly talked about why they were sure- they’d all already moved on to what to do about it.

“Do you remember that young Dowager grandmother tried to set Da up with?” Pax asked suddenly and he laughed. 

“She was nice,” Allie said, trying to be fair, “just not right for Da.”

“She was as boring as a brick,” Moira said to Allie. “And Anton never took to her.”

“Since when have you cared about that?” Allie couldn’t help but ask. 

“Da’s been whistling a lot,” Rohan said to no one in particular. “Been a long while since I’ve heard that whistle.”

Moira smiled. “Da can’t whistle a proper tune but yeah it is nice. So what’s the plan?” Moira looked at Allie.

“You do have a plan, right?” Pax asked.

They all looked at Allie but Allie noticed they were looking to Jamie too. “It’s a very simple, straightforward plan,” Jamie said, “but your grandmother won’t like it so you’ll have to deal with that.”

“Grandmother’s not all bad,” Pax said, “we’ll give you tips and you’ll learn what to ignore. She doesn’t like me and Alex being together but she still spoils me. She admires your Mama, Jamie, I can tell which will make it harder for her to dislike her.”

“She’s just always wanted a certain kind of woman for Da,” Allie said with a grin, “and Da never obliged.”

“And,” Pax snorted a laugh, pointing at Jamie, “She’s your grandmother too now, you can’t choose your family.”

They all laughed at Jamie and he joined in with their laughter.


	22. Barrayar | North and South | Time to Not Waste Time

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The Final Chapter! The End! A Beginning!

**Barrayar – South Continent – Jauneville **

Eve was immediately on guard when she saw Bash and Marie at breakfast. They were supposed to have left already. It was a flexible arrangement and it worked for them in case one of them wanted an extra night somewhere. But Marie and Bash were definitely running late for another winery and vineyard expedition. When Marie gave Bash a look and lingered after breakfast Eve waved a hand.

“Sit down, Bash you don’t have to go. I know what you want Marie and the answer is I don’t know if I’m going to this wedding.”

“The wedding is this afternoon,” Marie said, “you don’t have much time to decide.”

Eve turned to Bash who raised his hands in surrender. “I’m not getting involved except to say I support whatever you decide.”

“But it’s a great way for Eve to test the waters with his whole family,” Marie insisted. “She’s been formally invited, Bash – twice!”

“Maybe Eve doesn’t want to test the waters with everyone and their aunt there,” Bash said.

“She has to do it sometime and we’ll be leaving in a few weeks. If she- ”

“Hey!_ She_ is sat here.”

“Eve –“

“You badgering me isn’t going to make my mind up. I’ve got some notes to write up and some comms from Jamie to reply to and that’s what I’m going to do. If I decide to go to this wedding, I’ll leave you a message. Don’t,” Eve said pointing at Marie. She sighed. “I just need to think about this, Marie. Enjoy your day.” And she left the table and went to her room but sat on the balcony instead with her heart stopping view of the mountains; the towering Black Escarpment dwarfing them all.

_I miss him._

It wasn’t that she was scared of his family it was that things were good right now and going there would be bound to create waves_. _Rearranging her itinerary wasn’t a huge problem. “I’m the problem,” Eve muttered. She and Ivan had spoken every day since his arrival on Barrayar over two weeks ago but she hadn’t seen him in person for five weeks and three days. Did she really want to see him first at such a huge formal event? He’d also broached the subject of telling Anton the truth about them and Eve had hesitated. It was THE big step she knew and she wanted it as much as she feared it. Eve nearly ignored the call as the chime rung through the room. She knew it would be Marie with more nagging but she did a double-take when she saw the name. Eve made sure the door was locked so Marie couldn’t do her ‘knock and barge in’.

“Hello,” Eve said. “Early start for the wedding preps I see. How is Vorkosigan House this morning?”

It was just after 8.20am there to Eve’s 7.20am and Moira’s dressed hair sparkled with silver and emerald lights but she was still wearing a nightshirt. “It’s manic. A conveyer belt of women waiting to have their hair and make-up done by some colour blind beautician. I got rid of mine,” Moira said, wiping her mouth with a small cloth and staring at it with a frown. Eve couldn’t see how make-up could add anything to Moira’s beauty but she didn’t say so; she didn’t think any kind of compliment from her would be welcome.

“Is everyone alright?” Eve asked.

Moira smiled suddenly; she looked amused. Eve had never seen her smile like that before – not with Eve. “You mean is my father alright? Yes, he’s fine; everyone else is too so Da is fine. I wanted to ask you something about your plans. You’re returning to Earth in sixteen days?”

No point trying to guess what this was about. “Yes,” Eve said.

Moira nodded and fixed her eyes hard on Eve’s face. “You know my Da wasn’t with my Mama when she died.” Startled by this turn Eve only nodded. She definitely had no idea where this was going. “She was on her home planet. Da wasn’t there,” she repeated, “and it makes him…he doesn’t like being parted like that. He tries to hide it for our sake but we know. We know a lot more than he thinks.”

Eve picked her words very carefully. “It’s understandable he would be anxious.”

“I’m not asking you to rearrange your work around my father. I know that’s not fair and Da wouldn’t like that at all. But since you would be leaving Barrayar anyway, if you could delay, travel back with us instead– stay another two weeks you’d make my father’s trip back to Earth more bearable. It would make him happier.”

“Oh! That’s what you meant.”

“I know you’ll have to think about it with whatever plans you have on Earth and I’d rather you didn’t tell my father about me calling. It’s better it comes from you if you decide to – ONE MORE MINUTE! STOP YELLING,” Moira screamed. “I’M NOT DEAF!” she turned back to Eve. “I have to go. Someone wants to use this room AND CAN’T WAIT ONE SECOND!” and she added more softly. “Bye.” And she cut the comm. 

**Vorkosigan House**

Moira opened the library door and faced her sister. “Well?” said Allie striding in, unsurprised that her sister had removed the misguided make-up application from the beautician’s assistant. 

“You are one impatient woman,” Moira said. “I’m supposed to be the impatient one. Will you redo my make-up?”

“Sure.” Allie closed the door. She had to have this out with her sister. “Did you speak to Eve?” Moira had insisted that she should be the one to call Eve; that Eve would feel more sure about coming since everyone saw Moira as the hostile one.

“Yes. I bet she comes to the wedding too. I didn’t mention it but you can tell she misses Da. What?”

Allie folded her arms and leaned against the door. “Why are you doing all this, Moira? There is something you’re not telling me and I want to know what is. Why are you so eager for Eve and Da to be together? The truth.”

Moira shook her head. “Does it matter?”

“Yeah it does. And if this was the other way around I would tell you. We can’t take any chances when it comes to Da’s happiness. You know that. He needs someone like Eve. I believe that but I want to know why you think so.” 

Moira tapped her fingers on the desk and looked at the bookshelves. “You’ll think I’m crazy but I’m not.” She sighed. “Look I’ll tell you but I don’t think there’s anything wrong with Da but it’s because of Mama. Da – he…”

“He says things as if she’s alive?”

“You know?” Moira head shot back to face Allie and Allie let out a relieved laugh.

“Yes, he thinks we haven’t noticed and corrects himself but sometimes it’s like she’s just spoken to him.”

“He’s not crazy,” Moira said defensively. “Da knows Mama’s gone. I know that. He’s not crazy.”

“No, he isn’t, Moira,” Allie said softly. Damn it. Allie wished she’d shared this with Moira earlier. She hadn’t known Moira had noticed or that it worried her. “I’m sure it’s just sharp memories of things Mama would say and he remembers it. You know Da’s known for his memory and he and Mama were so close. It makes sense that he still thinks of her words. Don’t we all?” That was the only way Allie could rationalise it when her father would get that look and say things in present tense. “I know it’s strange but he’s not crazy. I think it just helps him cope. You think that with Eve it will stop?”

“No.” Moira suddenly laughed. “That’s not why. Allie, she _knows_. I overheard her say something. This was before we left Earth. Da was on a call to her, before he realised and shut the door. Eve said - her exact words were, ‘I’m honoured Tej is letting me share you and I’m glad she wants me in Anton’s life.’ She understands, Allie. I can’t think there would be many women who would be able to do that, do you? Because she will be sharing him with Mama.”

Allie surprised at this revelation was relieved too. “You know it’s strange but it makes sense. I overheard Aunt Ekaterin say it’s something that many people have never understood but Mama did. We all know Da’s reputation before he met Mama but Eve and Mama – I think they’re the only women he’s really fallen for and let’s face it they are both unusual with crazy backgrounds. For some reason this is what Da’s attracted to. I would never put him and Eve together but when you see them…”

“They fit. Yeah.” Moira looked thoughtful. “Maybe Da is a_ little_ crazy,” Moira amended. And they both laughed.

**

The double wedding was nearly over. 

When the Vorkosigans returned home from Earth, Lizzie blindsided her parents with her decision to marry on the same day as Taurie since Taurie didn’t mind sharing the limelight with her sister. And since Lizzie’s Leo had very little family the extra guests consisted mainly of handful of friends unique to the couple. 

But because it was The Vorkosigans it was already the wedding of the year with most of VS society attending and a large cohort of galactics. Not to be outdone by their daughter, Miles and Ekaterin had blindsided Lizzie by buying her and Leo a house. “You can’t raise kids in that pokey flat.” Miles enjoyed teasing Lizzie about being pregnant since that was the rumour going around. She wasn’t pregnant which was the only reason Miles could laugh about it. All his humour vanishing at the wedding ceremony when it finally hit him that two of his daughters were married. Lizzie said she wasn’t going to cry but Miles had looked at both his daughters with such love, touched their cheeks with his hands and said, “My little girls.” And that enough to set everyone weeping 

The newlyweds had left hours ago for their honeymoon but many guests were still loitering, dancing, drinking and in various parts of the house and some very young guests that should have been in bed were still wide awake.

“Got headache in my tummy, Dada,” Anton moaned.

“Where’s the boy’s nanny?” Someone asked Ivan – again. No one could believe Ivan chose to have Anton by his side. But right now Ivan wished Anjelica was here because recognising that wan look Ivan knew what was coming next. He picked Anton up and rushed him to the nearest bathroom. He just made it as Anton vomited up various layers of chocolate and iced cake into the toilet. Ivan closed the bathroom door and pulled the spindly chair near the sink and took off Anton’s sick splattered tunic. Anton closed his eyes and smiled serenely as Ivan bathed Anton’s face and neck in tepid water. He yawned and said, “I not tired, Dada.” Ivan only nodded. He’d let Anton stay up as it was a special occasion but sleep should be hitting him soon. “Eve didn’t come,” Anton said. Ivan’s hand paused before he continued to clean up Anton’s face with the damp towel.

“She said she might not be able to. We’ll see her soon.” Speaking to her every night wasn’t enough. Ivan wasn’t sure what was worse – the three weeks on Earth without her or the two weeks and three days on Barrayar where she was only a shuttle ride away- albeit a long one. Ivan couldn’t leave yet to see her so he was waiting on Eve. Inviting her to the wedding had seemed like a good idea at the time but remembering Jamie’s reason for not coming to the wedding Ivan began to wonder if it had deterred her from coming at all_. No, she promised this week – she wouldn’t break that promise._

He would speak to her later after Anton was put to bed; Ivan had her to himself in the evening and Anton spoke to her during the day. At the moment Anton saw her as his good, special friend. Ivan and Eve hadn’t disclosed anything else to Anton. The rest of the family knew how serious it was.

Ivan had been surprised at how much his children had encouraged their relationship. After he’d told them he was seeing Eve they’d all spoken of Eve with the expectation of him being at Eve’s or finding her more at the house so all Eve and Ivan’s tentative plans to take things slower had speeded up as Ivan invited her and Jamie to some family dinners at home and more embassy balls; his children behaving with the kind of maturity he’d not given them enough credit for. Ivan and Eve suspected that Jamie and Allie had said something to do with all the children being so amenable but Jamie wasn’t forthcoming and Allie had already left for Barrayar by then so he couldn’t ask her. Not that she was very forthcoming either when they were reunited on Barrayar. “We can all see you like each other, Da, and we love you. We just want you to be happy,” was all she would say but wasn’t that enough? 

Things just kept getting better and better with Jamie too and they were both in regular comms contact with each other and he knew some of the children and his cousins were in contact with him too. Ivan hoped it was a precursor to Jamie feeling more comfortable to coming to Barrayar soon. Ivan was becoming less patient with being separated from the people he loved. As much as he got to see Eve on Earth there was never enough time; Ivan wanted it to be different when they all returned to Earth although things were going so well it made Eve a little skittish.

He recalled that day he’d first called her Evie; he thought she hadn’t liked it but she said it sounded perfect and familiar, even though no one else called her that. She said all these perfect moments between them often scared her – that things were going so well. So Ivan would dryly remind her of her ditching him all those years ago and the rocky start they had on Earth and that would make her laugh; not only a sense of humour but a Barrayaran bleak sense of humour. God he loved her.

The only predictable discouragement was from his mother that he was moving too fast; she both applauded the children’s loyalty to their father but said it rendered them unable to from rational assessments of the situation. His mother wasn’t behind in giving him her full assessment of how Eve wasn’t going to be good for his career, that he had just survived the ‘Jamie issue’ and suggested that sex was clogging up his common sense. It was disconcerting that the older his mother became the more open she was about mentioning sexual matters; he blamed Aunt Cordelia. When Ivan related that mortifying part of the conversation to Eve she had laughed so hard she nearly fell off the kitchen table. Very sturdy her kitchen table. Ivan reluctantly put that pleasant memory aside. 

Anton yawned again. “She’s going to get me a special sun hat,” Anton said, sleepily. “It’s very hot there, Dada.”

“Yes, I know. You feel better?”

Anton nodded, his damp curls falling across his face. “Can I have more cake? My stomach’s empty now.”

Ivan laughed. “No.” And pointed to his wristcom. “Guess who’s calling me.” Ivan placed his wristcom on the sink and he and Anton sat opposite as Ivan answered the call.

“Eve!” Anton yelled. “It’s me.”

Eve laughed, her sun tanned face made her hazel eyes glow brighter. She had bookshelves behind her so Ivan guessed she was still working in some dusty archive. “I can hear you, Anton. I’m surprised to see you up but very happy. Look at what I have.” And she waved two ridiculously bright coloured sun hats. “I couldn’t decide which ones so I bought a few.” She looked at Ivan and said a soft, “Hello.”

“Hi. What time is it there?”

“It was time to call you. Are you two hiding out in a bathroom?”

“Anton was sick,” Ivan said and Anton’s cheek pinked. 

“It wasn’t my fault,” Anton said squirming. Ivan had never seen him embarrassed before about his vomiting.

“Ooh what colour was it, Anton?” Eve asked. “Was it the same colour as what you ate? Were there vegetables in there? Everyone always says vegetables end up in there even if you’ve not eaten any! When Jamie used to be sick all kinds of strange things used to appear in his vomit.”

Anton smiled and jumped off his father’s lap to peer in the toilet. “Oh. Dada flushed it.”

“Honestly, Ivan,” Eve scolded. “You could’ve waited.”

“My apologies,” Ivan said, “If I’d known I would’ve taken a vid. I miss you,” he said softly. 

She placed her hands over her heart and gave him that look that made him wonder how much longer he could stand this distance.

“Why didn’t you come today?” Anton asked parking himself heavily back on Ivan’s lap.

“Anton,” Ivan said. “We talked about this.”

“It’s alright,” Eve said. “I have a really good reason and I’ll tell you soon. Ivan, what you mentioned yesterday I agree.” She looked from Anton to Ivan. “Can we do it now?”

“Now?”

“Well you’re alone aren’t you? You’re right, it’s time. Unless you -”

“No, no. Now is good. Now is perfect.”

She grinned. “I’ll give you privacy. Put me back on when you’re done.”

So Ivan turned Anton to face him and they talked about how they all liked spending time with Eve and how Ivan liked it too and that Eve was particularly special to him too, so special that they loved each other very much and would be spending even more time together. Out of everyone Anton liked Eve the most but Ivan hadn’t reckoned on just how much. Anton leaped off Ivan’s lap and burst into tears. “But Eve’s my special friend! Not yours! That’s not fair! She my friend!” And he unlocked the room and ran out. 

Ivan grabbed his wristcom and followed, explaining to Eve what happened as he weaved passed the guests. He thought she’d be upset but she made those aww noises. “He really likes me doesn’t he? Where do you think he’s gone?”

“I’m tracking him. I think he’s heading for the old treehouse.”

“How are you tracking him? His wristcom?”

“Wristcom, clothes. I have trackers in everything.”

She let out a sigh. “You’re wonderful. Wish I could taste you right now.”

Ivan laughed. “Only you would be turned on by something like that. Ah, René, seen my boy?” Ivan asked, interrupting Tatya criticising Rene’s drinking consumption.

“He went into that treehouse. Who are you talking to?” René slurred, his wine glass sloshing wine over the rim.

“Yes, who are you talking to?” Eve asked.

Ivan’s head whipped round and Eve stopped his words with a kiss which Ivan enthusiastically returned. They eventually parted and she placed his hand briefly on her cheek. “Missed that. I rearranged things so I have three days before I have to get back. I - ” She hesitated. “You’re not upset I didn’t come to the wedding?”

He laughed. “No! You’re here. That’s all I care about. When did you get here?”

She grinned. “A few minutes ago. I was in the library. Didn’t you recognise the book shelves?” He gave her a look that made her giggle and he had to kiss her again. “Do you have a plan for Anton?” she asked when she gave him his tongue back.

Ivan took her hand and kissed her fingers. “Yes.”

“Aren’t you going to introduce us?” René called out while Tatya grabbed his arm to stop him from following. 

“Not yet,” Ivan said, taking Eve’s hand and striding to the treehouse. “Do you mind?” He asked the loitering guests in such a forceful way but with a smile that the people around the treehouse moved away.

“Very impressive.” Eve looked up. “Are you sure Anton is around here?” Eve asked raising her voice slightly.

“He should be. I told him about us but I don’t think he likes you as much as I do.”

The small noise from the treehouse made Eve grin and she looked away before saying in a hurt tone. “But I’m his special friend. He told me. I brought him hats and sweets too and what I thought was great news. I’ll be staying longer in the South –“

“That’s not great news,” Ivan said.

“There was a but! The but is that I can extend my time on Barrayar and I thought I could spend some of if with you, and if you have room you could invite me to gatecrash your journey back to Earth.”

Ivan’s swept his hands into hair and laughed. “You mean it? Yes to all of it – you mean it?”

“Yes.” She laughed. “Yes.”

“Then maybe you could invite me and Anton to the South to gatecrash your time there for a few days; we won’t be in your way. We’ll be there when you have time for us.”

“I would love that! I was going to suggest it but I thought - I would love it.” She hugged him tight, pulled away and looked up. “But I don’t think we can do it. Do you really think Anton doesn’t like me anymore?

Ivan grinned. “Yes.”

“That’s not true!” Anton said popping his head out.

“Anton!” Eve said feigning surprise. “Oh look at you, I think you’ve grown since I last saw you. Come down here and let me take a look at you. Look.” And she pulled a hat out of her pocket which expanded. Ivan flinched at the bright yellow colour and blue flowers dotted around it. “Your favourite colours right? Anton, you’re not mad at me are you? I was looking forward to getting a special Anton hug and I have some great news.”

Ivan watched Anton carefully drop down the ladder and Eve crouched down and beamed as Anton went into her arms; they hugged, Anton giving his father a look as Eve placed the garish hat on Anton’s head. “Eve’s still my special friend, Dada.”

“My mistake and glad to hear it, son.”

Anton nodded at Eve. “Your Dada’s friend too – girlfriend,” he said carefully. “Is that right, Dada?”

“Yes,” Ivan said. “A different kind of special friend.”

Anton screwed up his face as if he was thinking hard about it and Ivan braced himself. He could also feel that people hadn’t gone very far and were trying to listen in. As if reading his mind Eve looked at him and tapped her wristcom. She’d already placed a silent net around them. Amazing woman. Anton’s eyes widened and a huge smile swept across his face. “That means you’re my Mama now! Dada picked you! That’s what you said Dada! I have another Mama! His cheeks suddenly reddened. “That’s – that’s right, isn’t it?”

“I have no problem with it,” Ivan said simply. He placed a hand on Eve’s shoulder and she raised her eyes to his. “Lucky for us Eve picked me too, Anton so yes I have no problem with it at all,” he repeated softly. He smiled at Anton. “And I know your Mama Tej wouldn’t either.”

Eve turned back to Anton. “I am honoured,” her voice shook and she laughed, “so honoured that you would think of me as your Mama too.” She bent down and kissed his cheek.

“I knew it!” Anton said, practically jumping up and down. “I said she was my Mama, didn’t I, Dada? Didn’t I? And Jamie’s my brother and I knew he looked like you, Dada. I knew it! I knew you were my Mama! I knew it all!” Anton’s pure happiness and smugness infected them all with laughter.

_I knew it too,_ Tej said laughing. _It’s about time, Ivan Xav._ _Stop wasting it._ And she waved this time before she disappeared.

“Uncle Miles,” Anton yelled and ran off to greet Miles and Ekaterin as they walked into the garden pretending to greet guests. Ivan wasn’t fooled. Quite a crowd had gathered now in the garden all glancing their way. 

Eve looked up at Ivan with a knowing grin and wrapped her arms around his waist. “What did she say?” Ivan repeated Tej’s words in a whisper. “She’s right,” Eve said.

Ivan pulled her tighter into his arms, rubbed his cheek against her scented hair, not caring that everyone was watching them because right now everything was damn close to perfect and he was going to make the most of it. “So, Evie, how do we stop wasting time?”

“Eve’s my Mama,” Anton said loudly and smugly and he turned to Ivan and Eve and asked loudly, “When are you getting married, Dada?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THANK YOU TO ALL YOU WONDERFUL READERS! I know these chapters are wicked long but this is what happens when you decide to write a ten chapter journey and bunnies run rampant. So thank you for giving your time to this multi-chapter rabbit! 
> 
> Thanks again sooooo much to Zoya1416 for all the beta reads, insights and suggestions.
> 
> (There Maybe a "Jamie on Barrayar" Epilogue in the Future....but not yet). :)

**Author's Note:**

> Oodles and oodles of thanks to Zoya1416 for beta reading this mammoth several times- eternally grateful!!!


End file.
